Oh I Bet You Say That To E’rybody, PF Chang’s…

So, first of all, I feel better. I go through these “blue periods” a la Picasso (except I’m not a famous artist and I take anti-depressants, so…) and I can be very broody/angsty/anti-everything and very little sunshine can touch me when I’m under one of these rain clouds.

But it can’t rain ALL the time.

Case-in-point, I woke up and drove to the city today to retrieve Mr. MLACS from the airport–it’s a sunny day, birds are chirping, and I’m admiring the emerald green countryside as I drive, marveling at God’s green earth and singing to the radio. You know, like 180 degrees difference from how despondent I felt last week. Welcome to depression–it’s like riding the freakiest roller coaster you can imagine. One thing I can say is, in a world defined by opposites, I enjoy the “highs” as much as I lament the “lows”. And I mean, I’m *medicated*…I vaguely remember what life was like before Buproprion…I’d rather not.

I definitely feel judged for taking medication. But I have to laugh when people who are miserable tell me that they are trying to avoid the drugs. Because, hey, they know I’m on drugs. And quite frankly, I have very little patience or time to listen to people who *choose to suffer* from OCD, depression, anxiety, etc. because they have the convoluted notion that not taking the drugs means that they are somehow less f*cked up than people (like me) who take them. Wishful thinking.

Anyways, so, I picked up Mr. MLACS and we picked up my *Buproprion* prescription from the CVS in the city, since there is no CVS where I live and (bless his heart) Dr. Angel cannot seem to get my prescriptions called into their mail order service–for whatever reason, it just never works for him (but it works for every other doctor I’ve seen, no problem). Maybe it’s his system? I dunno. But to ease the headache of it all I was like “Hey, just call them into the CVS in the city and I’ll pick them up!” So, mission accomplished. Crazy meds–Check!

And then…we went to PF Chang’s for lunch…

Because (obviously) there is not a PF Chang’s where we live, so it’s kind of a BFD for me to get their gluten-free fried rice when I pick up Mr. MLACS. And it was deeeelicous, as per usual.

And then…we got our fortunes…

And *call me crazy*, but, I’m inclined to think these fortunes are a good omen, and not a coincidence or a *cruel joke*. But then, PF Chang’s fortunes are always upbeat, so, this could be a coincidence where their particular brand of optimism was dubiously stacked on my table.

But see here…

Fortune 1

“Good news of long-awaited event will arrive soon.”

Fortune 2

“A Sound mind and healthy body bring many happy events to your family.”

Fortune 3

“You will soon emerge victorious from the maze you’ve been traveling in.”

XOXO,

MLACS

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32 thoughts on “Oh I Bet You Say That To E’rybody, PF Chang’s…

  1. I’m so happy you’re feeling better hon! I’d like to know who’s judging you for taking an anti depressant so I can punch them! If the meds are helping then it’s great that you’re taking them! And I loooove your fortunes. I don’t know if you remember this post, but I went to PF Changs with my parents back in Feb and my fortune said “You will soon witness a miracle”. It was right after my chemical pregnancy, and I thought it was a sign that for sure I would get pregnant the next cycle. I didn’t get pregnant the very next cycle, but did the cycle after that. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but my faith was really wavering at that time and I really think PF Changs and that fortune were sending me a message that day to not give up. So believe in those fortunes hon 🙂 I’m praying so hard they come true!

    • Yes I totally remember your post about your fortune! I would just like to amend my reading of the fortune, so instead of reading it and adding “in bed”, I would like to add “and SOON”. Lol.
      The times I feel judged are often when people don’t realize it. Like when a pregnant friend told me how she won’t eat canned food or take tylenol while ttc or pregnant–when I’ve confided in her my *laundry list* of daily medications…how can I not feel like sh*t about it? Or when a depressed friend confides how difficult things have been for her (dysfunctional) but she balks when I ask if she’s considered medication, as though that’s for the weak people with REAL issues *eye roll*. You know? WTF?
      Anyhow, here’s hoping that this foreshadowed good fortune shows up *pronto*. XOXO

      • Ugh, I completely understand! But remember, everything you’re taking is for a good reason and the best thing for your health. Praying those fortunes come true very soon too!

  2. So glad you are feeling better! I have a confession…I have never eaten at a PF Changs. GASP! I know, i know! There isn’t one around me and I think the nearest one for me would be St.Louis. Maybe the next time I go over that way to visit my friends in Edwardsville I will talk the hubs into driving over for dinner 🙂

    Also, when you get pregnant…you are instructed to send me those fortunes as good luck. Just sayin…

    • Oh I’ve been to Edwardsville! Used to live in O’Fallon, IL for about a year. Nearest PF Changs to that area is the one near the St. Louis Galleria. Just FYI. And yes, I will totally pass on my good fortunes (hopefully *soon*). XOXO

  3. mylifeasacasestudy: You’re from Illinois? I’d like to know more about this. I am from and live in Illinois. Anyhow, I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. There’s no shame in antidepressants (in my opinion). Yay for good fortunes! I truly hope they come true! ❤

  4. P.S. I chatted with my mom today on Facebook (as she’s out of the country). She told me to “Think Positive.” As the beginning of your post suggests, when one is under a cloud (and I am partially), nothing can get to you. I just wanted to scream, but now I think it’s kind of hilarious. Hugs to you!

    • Mothers seem to believe that if they act like everything is “normal” and “will be fine” that we won’t freak out in a crisis–like when you fell and skinned your knees as a kid and she’s like “You’re fine! Have a bandaid”. Except, as we get older I think we’d appreciate it if they didn’t play it so cool. But God Bless ’em, they mean well. *hugs* XO

  5. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. The blue periods, they suck. Wishing you many more days of sunshine and rainbows. And if it takes medication to find your sunshine and rainbows, so be it. Don’t let anyone judge you for that. As you said, fools them people who choose to constantly live under the clouds and somehow feel loftier for it.. Loved the fortunes, too. May they soon come true!! ; ) x

  6. When I was 5 weeks pregnant (and not exactly hopeful) I got a fortune cookie that said something like that! It’s still in my wallet, I’ll have to check the exact wording, but something like “the goal you’ve been working towards is near”. I’m not one for superstition usually, but I won’t turn down a good omen like that :). Hopefully yours is just as true!!

  7. I am so glad you’re out if the funk that was draining the life out of you last week. I know they return. And I get it about judging, which infuriates me. I’m not on meds for anxiety or clinical depression now but have been and my guy is on max doses of bupropion and an anti-anxiety drug and *will never get off of tgen*. He’s been hospitalized for it and is a lawyer too – you can’t pretend what you’re in hospital for when in lock-down. The shame he feels crushes me and is a work-in-progress for both of us. Even on max doses of both drugs, there are funks. Not like before (different drugs then, not as effective for him) but still lows. The events of the past 18 months have us both watching a lower tide become the norm. It freaking sucks. IF and RPL are enough to mess with anyone’s chemistry; the interplay with depression for us is dangerous but thanks to the drugs at least I still have a partner and our child has a dad. People who judge anyone with CD for taking meds is obviously messed up or ignorant but it doesn’t change the shame and stigma that’s already internalized. I have strong views and feelings about this… Your post struck a chord and I want to commend you for – as always – being so candid and unapologetic and fierce with your honesty – when the storm cloud sets in and when it lifts. ((Huge hugs))

    I’m a sucker for fortunes. And wishbones. Mine have never worked out so far but that doesn’t stop me from being moved by the fortunes and addicted to collecting and snapping wishbones. 😉

    • Oh my friend–supporting someone with severe depression when you are also depressed is a lot to ask…you are a remarkable woman.
      I’ve been taking Buproprion for 8 years, since I had a complete breakdown (life threatening eating disorder, Mom diagnosed terminal, graduated college with debt and then moved home with no job opportunities to be with Mom). I tried to get off it last year after my miscarriage (feeling guilty) and failed miserably–I don’t think I can get off it. And, that makes it sting more when people eschew medicine–they don’t want to end up like ME, dependent. But at least I can say my life is better for it; I still get depressed but I live safe in the knowledge that it will pass, and even when I’m suffering I can still function. People contemplate suicide because they *can’t function* and it *feels like it will never go away–feelings of pain, shame, worthlessness* but the drugs spare me from *getting lost*. You get it. My heart goes out to you and your family.
      And honestly your wish came true *once*! I think you will get lucky twice 🙂 XOXO

  8. I got a great fortune right when I finished chemo and radiation (good health will be yours for a long time). I put a LOT of stock in that. It was too appropriate to be coincidental. I hope your fortunes come true. It’s time.

  9. I have to think fortunes are a good omen too. My husband had a fortune last week that said “You are going to have the best year yet” or something like that and then he LOST IT! What does it mean when you lose a good fortune? Hopefully it’s not a bad omen, right? Glad you got the medication sorted out too!

  10. Oh my stars am I glad you are feeling better! And PF Changs is delicious and wonderful, especially with the damn awesome fortunes! Oh, lady, I want you to have THAT cycle asap!! Hope you are having an awesome weekend!

  11. I’ve been keeping up and my heart was hurting for you. I am so happy for you that you are finding your way out. And I’m so sorry I haven’t been there more to give you support when you needed it. But you have been in my thoughts. And I love the fortunes! About time – now let’s just prove PF Chang right. Take Care 🙂

    • I still check on you for updates, wanting to know you’re doing ok. So I’m glad to hear from you! As for “being there”, I’m really the only one that can dig myself out of the “depression hole” and under those circumstances I don’t really like much attention–I withdraw. All this to say–don’t feel bad–because I need to self soothe and the only time I want help is when I ask for it. XOXO

      • I can definitely understand this. But I do wish it wasn’t so f’in hard. I hope things have continued to go up for you and Mr. in the last few days. 🙂

  12. PF Changs? We do not have this in Canada. Will have to check it out next time I visit the States. I tend to be randomly superstitious. I save my good fortunes and put them on the fridge. I usually hang onto them for a few months as a nice reminder. I truly hope this is a good omen for you!

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