LS is 10 months.

She’s pulling up on everything! We have this round wrought iron and glass pottery barn coffee table and we’ve covered the edges in pool noodles so as to prevent her from hitting her mouth or head on the hard edge. Now of course, she pulls them off at her leisure. She hasn’t learned how to sit down yet though, so when she gets tired of standing she’ll squeak for me to come get her. We placed a gate at the bottom of the main stairs–we didn’t have stairs when BG was little so this is new. We have a basement door that I have to watch like a hawk because the playroom is downstairs and BG sometimes (rarely) forgets to close the door. LS is a FAST little crawler! And she has a funny crawl she employs on the hardwood–I call it her “stanky leg” crawl. She is also super fast in her walker (I call it her “toodler”). I put her bouncer away because it takes up a fair amount of space and she wasn’t really into it. But we still have the swing up and it still saves my life sometimes when LS is impossible to deal with–it soothes her. She is loving her linkamals toys (interactive toys) and sings and claps along with them, or any music, really. If she’s standing and there’s music she’ll shake her tushy! She is now at an age where she can play with her sister and BG will engage her so she’ll chase BG from room-to-room. They really love each other and it’s really precious to see them forging a relationship independent of me.

LS is is eating solids now, but still mostly purees. Just this week I fed her more table food, including rice, guacamole, oatmeal, banana, egg and homemade chicken soup. I even got this wavy cutting tool and a new steamer so I can cut veggies and fruits and steam them to sort of try the BLW method…but I cut and steamed some pears and she *hated* them, so that was discouraging. I love the wavy cutting tool though and used it to cut veggies for my chicken soup.

LS is wiggly (moreso than BG ever was) but she is also very cuddly. We still breastfeed and sometimes I can tell she needs the cuddles more than the milk. It’s harder to give a second baby quality time, because BG’s school and activities rule our weekday schedule. And I started taking her to the gym, so that’s an hour of time away that we used to spend one-on-one. I have mom-guilt thinking I should soak up every second with her, but she does well in the gym daycare and it helps us both to have it as part of our routine.

Plus, I need the exercise. I’m in much better shape health-wise but my hormones have been shifting and my weight is not going down. It’s demoralizing, since I had lost some prior to Christmas and then gained it back over the holidays and now I’m “stuck” even though I’ve been working out 3-4 days per week. I haven’t restricted calories but I did drop refined sugar so you’d think I’d have seen some results. Nope. Ass still flabby and scale is not budging. I can tell it’s hormones–they’ve been so wacky that I have taken 3 pregnancy tests due to phantom pregnancy symptoms (side note, there is a vasectomy in Mr. MLACS’s future). I haven’t had a period since June 2018 so I have no idea WTF is going on here. But circling back to my weight, I think it has everything to do with the fact that I’m taking Domperidone to breastfeed. Everyone says it packs weight on them. I gained 10lbs–a lot of women report gaining 30+. A lot of women quit taking dom and breastfeeding because they feel awful about the weight gain. I mean, I hate it too but I am willing to deal with it in order to breastfeed LS until she’s at least a year old–so 2 more months. I would be ecstatic to breastfeed her longer but I have no idea if I’ll keep some supply or dry up as I wean off the dom. With BG, I was on half the dose I’m on now, and kept a decent supply after weaning–enough for a toddler who wouldn’t drink cows milk (BG never liked it. She only eats yogurt now, nothing else dairy). Nowadays I can *finally* eat cows milk and my breastmilk doesnt seem to hurt LS’s tummy (except occasionally) but I wouldn’t dare give her cows milk–and her formula is $$$.

My supply has already dwindled some recently, I think due to hormones, me trying to wean down by 1 pill, and not using the haakaa on my left boob. It saddens me, because I’m not ready to quit nursing. I’m not ready to stop cosleeping. LS is my last baby! I want time to stand still so I can soak up every cuddle, smile, giggle…her little face lights up when I tell her good morning in bed…watching her pull up on that coffee table and turn to me with a huge grin, delighted when I clap for her. Her little head nuzzled in my neck when she’s sleepy or when she missed me.

I’m planning a huge party for the girls as their birthdays are just a few days apart. I cannot believe BG is turning 5 years old! It seems only yesterday she was LS’s age. And holy crap I cannot believe LS is nearly 1 year old! This year flew by, with all the moving and transitioning to BG going to school and both our 40th birthdays, etc.

To be honest, I’m having a hard time. My anxiety is kicking and I feel like I need more time…more time to cuddle, more time to create the baby books I have been wanting to create, to finally choose which pictures to frame and actually hang them in this house with bare walls…to savor my babies and our precious family memories.

God, I love them SO much.

And who would have thought I’d have that second baby I dared to hope for…