Sooper Pooper Scooper


Hey guys, sorry it’s been a hot minute, I’ve been busy…

Dealing with poop.

It’s fast becoming the “theme” of this blog, eh?

Well, first there’s the cat. I scoop his box–yes I know one must be careful in pregnancy but there’s no one else to do it while Mr. MLACS is gone and I take the precaution of wearing disposable gloves.

Then there’s this puppy…we currently live in an apartment so every time he poops (which is several times a day) I have to pick it up in a lavender-scented poop bag and toss it in the dumpster. And today, I had to pick it up off my area rug–I was not a happy camper as we had just been outside 10 minutes before & he had ample opportunity. Grrrr…

Then there’s my poop. Yep, “it” happened again. Twice. And I had to fix “it” with my trusty non-latex disposable gloves. %#$@!

While Mr. MLACS was home he was great–I was feeling quite sick (nauseous) despite the Zofran and he picked up all the slack–did dishes, got up with puppy in the night, did laundry, went to pick up food, etc. Now he’s gone back to work and I am struggling, feeling like a slave to the dog, the cat, and my own body/baby. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE THESE GUYS. They and Mr. MLACS are my everything. But damn, I feel like all I do is sleep, eat, pick up poo and entertain/care for the animals. Uh…because that IS literally all I do.

Puppy (Koa) is doing well. He’s nearly 17lbs now at 9 weeks old! He’s gonna be huge. So he MUST be trained or he will be totally unmanageable (like, dragging me behind him on the leash). So we had 2 private training lessons and our first “puppy class” this past week. It’s been intense. Koa responds to commands like a pro *in class* but he’s not as good at home. He is a terrible “leash puller” and that’s something I’ve got to fix but it’s hard, given that *anytime* he goes outside he is on a leash–even for playtime with neighbor dogs. We both hate it–he is pulling & getting tangled while I am resisting and frantically trying to avoid getting tangled in the leash. Koa needs to RUN. But the trainer was wary of taking him to the dog park before 12 weeks, citing that if he were to have a bad experience with another dog before 12 weeks old, then Koa would be scarred for life. I’m nervous about other dogs–very protective of my puppy. But…he is frustrated (with lack of mobility) and so am I, so we may end up at the dog park this weekend–but only in the small dog area.

Also, our lease is up mid-October so I’m currently looking for a house with a yard. We are still planning to rent because we don’t know where Mr. MLACS will be working a year or two from now.

***Pregnancy Update***

So, I’m 12w5d today, and I’ve started showing and telling some people about the pregnancy. The neighbor lady whose dog plays with Koa. My book club (they were so sweet & happy for me–they knew we were having a hard time). My Mom’s best friend. It’s odd, I haven’t told my father. We haven’t spoken since March. My MIL (who herself has a son that won’t speak to her) is irritated with me about not telling him, but I don’t want to talk to him and I don’t want to give him *yet another* opportunity to upset me. I don’t really care if he finds out from someone else eventually–but it had better not be from my MIL. Yes, I’ve started going to therapy–that’s another post though.

In other non-drama-related news, I bought a pair of maternity jeans from Motherhood! Dark wash-straight leg-secret belly fit. They are cute! And I wear a medium in Motherhood pants (which probably just means everybody else wears an extra small but whatevs). I also got a bunch of tops on sale at Target, and none are maternity. I got regular tunic-length t-shirts (I’m tall so they just look like a long t-shirt on me), some long tank tops, and a flowy plus-sized tunic top.

Other things that happened: I’ve had sinus problems, including a headache that lasted 3 days until I finally took a benadryl. That was fun. And a pulled back muscle on my lower left side that made bending over, sitting…everything…excruciating–it’s still sore/stiff but I found an epsom salt bath + tylenol + tiger balm helped a lot. Oh! And yeast problems! The Crinone and I don’t get along. I’ve been taking a probiotic called “Femdopholous” and high protein/low sugar yogurt.

And…I quit the Crinone! As nervous as I’ve been about stopping progesterone, I just felt it was time. Dr. Angel was out of town so I just tried it for a couple days, then got my progesterone drawn Tuesday…but even though I called 3x I have not gotten the results! Now there’s really no point to have drawn the progesterone and I’m irritated that I’ll have to pay for it. This is unusual from Dr. Angel’s office. The other thing is that I was *supposed* to have the Panorama blood test done at my 9 week visit, but it wasn’t ordered–I gave several vials of blood but it was for the OB panel. I was expecting the results by now! So I had to go in again and have that drawn this week, and won’t get results for a couple more weeks. *pout pout*

Ok that’s enough for one blog post! Gonna go eat some peanut butter toast & try not to puke! As my dog chews on my wooden table leg…*smh*…there’s like 10 toys nearby…whyyyyyy?!



Pupdate (followed by an update)

Chewing on his powder blue puppy pacifier

Chewing on his powder blue puppy pacifier

We picked up our newest addition to the family on Saturday–I’d like to introduce you to Koa!

Everything he does is precious! And he’s doing well with potty training and learning his name and commands. I’m SO proud and fiercely protective of him–he is my sweet baby boy.

Kitty is stand-off-ish but has been a really good sport, better than we expected. Kitty will always be my first baby, and I think he is a great big bother. Also, kitty has retained exclusive rights to sleeping in the bed.

I will take and post more (and better) pictures!



**Also, I have a pregnancy update, please feel free to skip this part**


We had our NT scan today at 11w1d. And our measurements were great!

Heart rate: 166 bpm

Measuring: 11w0d (at 11w1d)

NT: 1.0 (under 2.0 is good!)

The US tech was great–she has been doing this for like 30 years. I didn’t have to take my pants off! That was amazing (no dildocam). Instead of a sea monkey, we saw a *baby* jumping around and waving his/her arms! Mr. MLACS and I were both mesmerized and our eyes were glued to the screen. I’m still in disbelief that this is happening–that I am growing my very own baby, just like regular people do. 

I’m starting to have a bit of a noticeable bump, but only when I stand certain ways or stick my stomach out. I can see the quizzical look in peoples’ eyes when they catch me at the right angle. I enjoy keeping my secret though.

I’m starting to feel inclined to buy a pair of maternity jeans, but I find the task sort of overwhelming. Our only store here is motherhood, so I’m thinking I’ll order online, and that is daunting because I am tall, curvy, and long-waisted, so I always have to try stuff on. Any suggestions here? 








Double Digits (double entendre)

**Pregnancy mentioned. Also, TMI**

So we’ll start with the good stuff, I’m into the *double digits* 10w1d today, and that’s kind of a big deal. I went in for an US nearly a week ago at 9w2d, and I wanted to tell you guys about it but for some reason I waited. I also had my blood drawn for ALL the tests. We are having the MaterniT21 test done (or possibly some equivalent, as Doc Angel said there are others and I don’t know which he ordered).

The US looked pretty good:

Measured: 9w0d (at 9w2d gestation)

Heart Rate: 174 BPM

I was a bit disappointed that kukui measured *behind* 2 days at this US, since s/he was measuring ahead by one day at the last US. But I haven’t let it get to me too much–these things happen. Right??

Also at this appointment, I had my progesterone checked. Literally, I had been using 4-5 Endometrin suppositories *per day* and Doc Angel called on Thursday to inform me that my progesterone was still only 24.1, like, WTF dude. He decided that we should switch to Crinone 2x per day, so I picked it up on Friday and started using it 3x per day (because I am paranoid and could not mentally handle going from 5x per day to 2x per day with the idea-in-mind that my progesterone is already *low*–I know you feel me.)

Good news is, Doc Angel’s nurse called me this morning and informed me that my progesterone is up to *31* with the Crinone 3x per day! Hopefully this is also an indication that the placenta is taking over and that I won’t need the progesterone support much longer. And yeah, I’m kind of grateful that I didn’t have to mess with the PIO injections. I mean c’mon, the Heparin injections 2x a day are enough already (though they are far less painful than PIO, from what I’ve observed).

And speaking of medical issues…here’s some TMI for you!

I have not been able to poop for the last couple of weeks. Last Monday I tried a fleet enema and all I got for my troubles was a paltry amount of poo and some *serious* hemorrhoids. I’ve been using Colace and/or Milk of Magnesia (milk o mag) 2x per day, every day, for a week. And still, very little was happening. I’d feel like I needed to “go”, and then strain myself trying, and for all my efforts I got little to no relief. Finally last night, I tried to “go” and it was just stuck, so I gave up and laid down to try to sleep. But I couldn’t sleep, because I felt like I had a *bowling ball* inside my rectum.

So I read about severe constipation–there’s a name for it–*Fecal Impaction*. This is when your poo is hard and dry and it just. won’t. move. And do you know what the “cure” is for this??!!!

*Digital Stimulation*

rubber gloves

Like, remove it with your mf*ing hand(s). And I’m like “Has it REALLY come to this? Do I have to yank my poop outta my butt? Seriously???” And the answer was: YES. And I just happen to have a big box of latex-free rubber gloves under my sink. Over my dead body was I going to walk into an ER and be like “So I have this poop stuck in my butt, would you mind digging that out? Thanks.” Oh hell no.

So, I sat on the toilet and *pushed* and as I did so, I stuck my fingers in my glory hole and removed the ‘fecal matter’ piece-by-piece. I think it was probably very akin to birthing, like, when a head is “crowning”. And then finally when the major blockage was removed, the rest of it just fell out. Like a brick. *Plop*

And lemme tell you, it was the most unsavory act I have ever taken part in–right up there with cutting up the cadavers in my A&P classes. But I figure, hey, eventually (when I resume classes and graduate with my ASN) I’m going to be a nurse, and if I can’t pull poop from my own butt, then how can I expect to be able to pull poop out of other people’s butts??

I hope I never ever EVER have to do that to myself ever again. I called my GI nurse and told her that I had experienced ‘fecal impaction’ and she told me to clear it with Dr. Angel, but the recommendation would be to take Miralax 1-2 times per day from here on out.

Also to round out this update, I’m still taking the Zofran 2x per day, and supposedly it makes the constipation so much worse…but to see if I still needed it, I skipped it for 24 hours the other day, and I was freaking miserable–the nausea has actually gotten worse. So I’m continuing to take the Zofran.

And…if you’re still reading (and I’m sorry, btw, about the candid poop discussion) then I’ll tell you we are getting our puppy Koa on Saturday!!! Mr. MLACS gets home on Thursday, and then we’ll make the 7 hour round trip to pick up Koa on Saturday and bring him home. I’ll definitely update and post pictures of him! So we’ll end on this happy note.



Better Late Than Never!

Inspirational Blogger Award

So a couple weeks ago I learned who my *real* friends are (jk, jk) when I was nominated by a few of my absolute most favorite bloggers in the whole world, for the illustrious *Very Inspirational Blogger Award*. I don’t know if I’m inspirational or maybe if they just didn’t want to leave me out because they knew I’d pout if I wasn’t nominated. Regardless, I’d like to thank and simultaneously re-nominate these ladies, because they are AH-MAZ-BALLS:

If anyone else nominated me and I failed to realize it and recognize them in this post, then please comment so I can revise this post to include you!!! And to the above ladies, I just love you all so much and I don’t know what I would do without you–I hope you all keep blogging forever.

So, I’m supposed to tell you 7 things about me. I’m not sure how “deep” or “daring” I’m feeling today. I really like to sell myself as the boring individual that I am today…but I wasn’t *always* that boring…

1. I moved to Honolulu at age 21 with two duffle bags and dreadlocks, and slept on an air mattress on the floor of my friend’s living room for several months, with no car. It was a sh*thole off of Piikoi Street near Kapiolani Blvd., if you know the area.

2. In 2005 I was hospitalized for 10 days and diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, then I went from “flab to fab” and started competing in *Figure* competitions, plus I also got my BA in Communications–graduating with Lambda Pi Eta honors. It was a BIG year for me.

3. I was an exotic dancer off-and-on for years (single girl supporting herself). I am the exception, in that I never drank or did drugs or prostituted or had kids (so many dancers are single Mom’s). However, instead of single motherhood, I found myself dealing with infertility as my reward for being so *responsible*. Irony much?

 4. I met my husband in the last strip club I ever worked at. On my dead Mother’s birthday. And we were legally married a year *to the day* later (actually the day after her birthday) at a courthouse. I would NEVER give my number to customers, but my gut told me he might be *the one*. I know my Mom brought him to me. No doubt.

5. Yes, I’ve always been a performer–when I was 12 years old I auditioned with a professional theater group and played the part of the orphan “Duffy” in the musical “Annie”. My Dad gave me flowers for opening night. Pretty epic.

6. Speaking of performances, I love the ballet. I don’t have season tickets or anything cool like that, but every. single. year. I go and see the Nutcracker Ballet around my birthday/Christmas. I love nothing more than to see the little girls twirling in their holiday dresses at intermission–just like I did when I was a little girl. There is so little innocence in our world today…*wistful sigh*

7. However I am NOT built like a ballerina. I am tall and sturdy–I used to be flat-chested too, until I had breast augmentation when I was 20 years old (prior to moving to Hawaii). I suffered from body-image issues my whole life, but amazingly, fake boobs and exotic dancing cured me of this.

Now you might know why I like the word “Juxtaposed”. I lived two lives at the same time. By day, an honor student, a volunteer with Foster Family Programs and at one point a chair person for Susan G. Komen, a nanny for some of the richest people in the world (jet setters, pro athletes), a good girl from the Midwest who likes to bake and sends Christmas cards to everyone she knows every year. And by night, an exotic dancer. Named “Joey”.

And now, a housewife and future SAHM.

See, I told you, I’m boring.

So I’m going to nominate a bunch of people for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award, and you people (if you haven’t already done so) are invited to tell everybody 7 things about yourself (they can be scandalous, like mine, or mundane, like “I like cookies”). Then you are to nominate 15 other bloggers.

Beloved Burnt Toast 

Infertile In The Garden of Eden

Don’t Count Your Eggs 

Haisla’s Adventures In Endoland 

My Hope and My Future 

Barren Betty

My MMC Story

Plan Y Blog

Amber Under Construction

A Calm Persistence 

Steph Mignon

Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright

Waiting For Baby Bird

The Crooked Path Through IVF

Forever Infertile

Today I Hope

So that’s 15 16 blogs, and last time I was like “I nominate everyone” but this time I’m just gonna stop at 16, cuz that’s a lot of links to post. And most of you have been nominated more than once anyway, because you’re awesome and everybody thinks so.












Today’s Post Is Brought To You By The Letter: Z

**pregnancy mentioned–it ain’t all rainbows and unicorns either**

*Z* is for Zofran.

What is Zofran? AH-MAZ-ING. Zofran is a bonafide f*cking miracle drug.

It makes you *not nauseaous* anymore. You have enough energy to take a shower AND do the dishes *in the same day*. It allows you to drink as much *water* as you actually want! You can eat food other than starchy carbs–and not puke it up!

Honestly, it got to the point where I couldn’t take care of myself anymore. Today was the last straw. Mr. MLACS had to leave town and go to work Wednesday. For the last 2 weeks he has done EVERYTHING for me. I didn’t even have to get out of bed to get my own sprite. I was really going to try to tough things out, but it wasn’t working. My Ulcerative Colitis became irritated because I can’t take my medicine properly–I can never take my *morning meds* in the morning, I have to wait until the afternoon, and sometimes I skip them altogether (except for my tiny Synthroid pill–I can always sneak that in). My dishes in the sink are smelly and the the odor makes me sick, and I can’t bring myself to go near them, plus I’m too exhausted and standing up makes my nausea worse. I still haven’t unpacked and done laundry since I got home from vacation a week ago–I need clean undies. I can hardly make myself eat anything, and certainly nothing healthy (all starchy carbs)–I’m jealous because one of my friends is newly pregnant and she is drinking green smoothies! I finally had a craving for pineapple last night–it didn’t stay down (too acidic I think). I can’t exercise–I hardly leave the bed or the house. I can’t drink very much water, because water makes me sick–I got dehydrated just from walking through the mall (sometimes I just suck on ice cubes because I can’t drink water at all). I haven’t been able to do anything except lay around feeling sick. I drag myself to get food when I can think of something that doesn’t sound disgusting. I’m lonely. It’s depressing.

I knew when I went to bed last night that today was going to be a bad day…

I woke up *hot* and being too warm is very bad for nausea. I kicked off the covers and rolled up my lounge pants…I felt like sh*t and I just. wanted. to. sleep. it. off…like a hangover. But that’s now how MS works–it just doesn’t go away with a good sleep and a bloody mary. Plus pregnancy gives me a fair bit of insomnia–I can’t sleep more than 6 hours in a stretch (but I take naps). I begrudgingly accepted the fact that I was awake. I also accepted the fact that I was *nauseous because I was hungry, but couldn’t eat because of the nausea*, a real catch-22, and I innately knew I was going to puke and so I decided not to eat. Just wait. I spend A LOT of time *just waiting* to be sick–unfortunately I can’t just do it on command. Sometimes I will lay there for an hour with waves of nausea and hunger washing over me, until I finally vomit, and then I have to quickly gather myself and figure out something to eat so that I don’t continue to vomit.

So I finally barfed–like the kind where you can’t stop heaving and your eyes are twitching and bulging out of your head. And then…

I resolutely went to my bathroom cabinet and with shaky hands I fumbled through a bag of old prescriptions until I found it…the Zofran that my OB in Las Vegas had prescribed to me after my first miscarriage. Believe me, in anticipation of this moment I have done ALL my research on the safety of Zofran in pregnancy–it’s safe. And furthermore, I’ve already told y’all that I am forced to take some other class B drugs because of my various health issues. So all you “crunchy mama’s” can go suck on a ginger root for your nausea and have your babies at home in your bathtub. That’s just not an option for me, regardless of how I feel about it. Also, I’m sure my baby will still kick your baby’s ass, even though I ate domino’s (gluten free) pizza and took some drugs. (jk, jk)

I laid down on my bed and *bawled*. Certainly tears have rolled down my face more than once during this pregnancy, but this is the first time I have just *lost it*. So tired. So miserable. So unsure if the Zofran was the right answer–don’t most IF/RPL women lust for morning sickness??! What is wrong with me?!

But an hour later, I was out of bed and eating *toast with jelly*–I had been wanting toast with jelly for days but just couldn’t eat it! I felt strong again! I took a shower without feeling dizzy or losing my balance–I shaved my “lady parts” for the first time in a couple weeks! I put on a skirt and went and got a *manicure*. I ate thai food for lunch *and* I drank TWO whole glasses of water *with* my lunch. This is the best day I’ve had in weeks!

I still need to call Dr. Angel and talk to him about the Zofran, but I didn’t want to bother him over the weekend if I didn’t need to. Plus I’m pretty sure he won’t mind once I explain that I haven’t been able to take my essential meds due to the nausea. It’s been almost 12 hours since I took the Zofran and I still feel fine. I’m so excited to get back to living my life again! I’m lonely but it’s been so hard to leave the house or be around food that I’ve turned down all invitations to see friends, and that has been frustrating. I’m looking forward to going to church with my friends in the morning! I’m no longer dreading taking my Grandma to her 9am doctor appointment on Monday (cuz the past 2 Mondays I have barfed ALL day long). Those dishes are going to get done! I will have clean underwear! I’m gonna eat the rest of the pineapple in the fridge!

Zofran is the sh*t.



ouch morning sickness

Nauseous becuase I'm hungry

I enjoy morning sickness meme

hurling in toilet