Unpacking

Hey ladies, hope you all are well!

I have been preparing for our move, but not in the way one would expect. I haven’t packed a single box, and I don’t intend to–since it’s a company move, we are provided with movers who will pack our things. It’s such a relief to not have to worry about that.

But I still worry. A LOT. I have anxiety and depression and for me (for a great many people) peace of mind is especially hard to attain.

Therapy taught me a lot about myself. How I process things, how I react to them–and then how to try to gain perspective and react in a healthy way. Therapy was very helpful.

After nearly 2 years of weekly or bi-weekly visits with my therapist, it was hard to say goodbye to her. She was with me through almost my entire pregnancy (began seeing her at 12 weeks), through crippling fear due to IF/RPL, through birth planning, through Mr. MLACS’s health crisis, through family issues, through the breastfeeding struggles, the PPA, through every.single.thing. She has been my touchstone–my guiding light–my pillar of strength and wisdom.

How do you quit your guru cold-turkey? When there is nothing and no one to take her place?

Well, I just put one foot in front of the other until the day we had to say goodbye. Somehow, I knew I’d be ok. And she kindly offered to speak to me if I felt the need.

Meanwhile, I had been curious about a thing called EFT tapping. A friend (who also has anxiety) mentioned that a mutual friend had used EFT tapping on her son (who has anxiety) and it immediately changed his behavior and made him less anxious.

“Hmmm”, I thought, “Maybe I should try it”. But then I didn’t. I was apprehensive about reaching out to mutual friend to ask her about it.

Until I had to quit therapy and started to feel like a “basket case” as the impending move loomed closer. Then I began to feel desperate. And I was ready to try anything and everything in order to keep my sh*t together, for my family’s sake.

So I reached out to mutual friend and asked to meet with her.

I had very realistic expectations–I just wanted to feel a little bit better. I just wanted things to feel manageable instead of feeling overwhelmed.

It FAR exceeded my expectations.

I went in expecting to talk about the issues I pinpointed in therapy. And I did. But as I spoke about them my friend asked me what emotions I had, and where I felt them. I was taken aback, but I was able to articulate feelings that corresponded to each issue I approached, “Angry”, “Sad”, “Betrayed”, “Frustrated”, “Confused” and so many more. When prompted, I realized I felt a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a heavyness in my stomach, in relation to each issue/emotion. This was quite a revelation.

After we identified the issue (thought), the emotion, and the physical symptom, my friend would have me tap through the EFT tapping points and repeat after her. An example might be:

“When ABC did XYZ I was frustrated and sad, but even though ABC did XYZ and I am frustrated and sad, I *deeply and completely accept myself*”

And after tapping it out, my friend would ask me how I felt on a scale of 0-10, and each time I felt relieved. I felt better. I was going from a solid 7 to a 3 or 4, sometimes a 2, with issues that had been plaguing me for months and years. I could physically feel my negative emotions being released.

My friend asked how I felt and I said lighter and more energetic–like I had just drank a 5 hour energy drink. She smiled and said that negative emotions weigh us down and most people do feel a physical energy shift when purging them.

I am a fan of metaphysics. It was not hard for me to believe.

I left feeling higher than a kite. I called Mr. MLACS and shared my excitement and that I couldn’t wait to do it again!

In between sessions, I occassionally tapped on myself, and saw positive results every time. My mood lifted. I was more productive. I felt more fulfilled.

The next two sessions were more intense. They dredged up some core issues for me (the kind of things you bury deep within yourself and never allow yourself to think about). But even though I didn’t leave those sessions feeling “high”, I left with some peace of mind and the feeling that I am headed in the right direction.

I am healing. But the healing process will take time–my scars run deep. I am ok with this.

So ladies, instead of packing my things, I have been unpacking my emotional baggage.

XOXO,

MLACS

 

 

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