What It’s Like

So hey guys, it’s been eons. I’ve just been living that upper-middle-class-stay-at-home-mom life. Since Mr. MLACS is very high risk due to his heart problems we have been very low key. Instacart and Amazon deliver whatever we may need. I do pick ups at Target or Walmart; I’ve been inside Target a handful of times just to get out in the “real world”. We haven’t taken any trips or vacations. We don’t visit with people save for one family and we don’t see them that often. We’re around people–like we walk around our neighborhood and we were going to our neighborhood pool this summer–but we keep our distance. We order food delivered or pick it up curbside. To be very honest, we are extremely privileged to have a nice big house with a basement that is a giant playroom, a dedicated first floor office that is now our school room, and 4 bedrooms upstairs–one of which is now Mr. MLACS’s home office. We have a large yard with a large playset that has a playhouse, a lookout, a regular slide and a twisty slide. We bought a sandbox and during the summer we had a water table. And then the neighborhood pool is right across the street and we went at least 2x per week all summer. I don’t have to work so I’m available to teach kindergarten to BG and still able to breastfeed LS–since we don’t have to go anywhere I have more time and motivation to tackle projects that might otherwise never get done (uploading stuff to sell on poshmark–I’ve already made a few hundred dollars! Cleaning out out our storage area to donate a lot of stuff to the VVA). Mr. MLACS has largely worked at home during covid and we’ve loved having him around. His job is secure. We are financially secure. What can I possibly complain about??

I’m lonely.

Like really REALLY lonely.

I have no coworkers. I miss the moms I’d see at drop off and pick up for preschool; the ones I’d invite over for themed playdates and invite out for “moms night out”. I miss entertaining. I miss planning and hosting events for my friends. I miss being part of a community (I was on the board at our preschool; I was going to be a “room mom” for kindergarten). I miss taking my kids into stores and having people remark on how adorable they are and striking up a conversation with kind strangers. I miss holding the door for people as we walk into a restaurant. I miss restaurants. I miss the gym–even if interactions were polite and brief, it was familiar and I felt like I *belonged*.

Familiarity. Human Interaction. A Sense of Belonging.

I miss all that.

I envy people who don’t feel as afraid of covid and are going to restaurants and taking trips. I envy people (like Mr. MLACS) who go to work and have conversations with people. I envy people who have a reason to do their hair and make-up and wear non-pajamas. I envy people whose kids are in brick-and-mortar school–who get a break from their intense, energetic and opinionated school-aged children instead of being with them 24/7. I envy people who have a learning “pod” that they can socialize with. I envy people who used covid to get in better shape instead of giving up and gaining weight.

I’ve done some stuff. I planted a garden. I’ve cleaned and organized. I started writing for a local moms blog. I tried to get into the Peloton bike. I’ve kept my kids pretty well entertained and bought them an extensive wardrobe of pajamas. I celebrated their half birthdays just for fun–we celebrate for any reason just to break up the days and give us something to look forward to. We took them to the zoo. And I finally decided to try swim lessons and outdoor soccer for BG, which she loves and it is socially distanced interaction for her and the rest of us.

LS is 19 months now and her and BJ can actually play together now, and I’m so thankful they have each other. But ya know…they also bicker and fight and LS will also try to bite BG, so I end up refereeing their shenanigans, which is hard on my nerves…my nerves are already pretty shot so it doesn’t take much.

I hate that I have to turn down birthday parties, playdates, visits to/from friends and family…we have a neighbor two houses away and BG would love to play with this little girl–finally a friend in our neighborhood–and they *said* are isolating but we see and hear them having parties at their house and a young nanny that comes over every day to watch the kids.

Lots of people seem to *think* they are being cautious but they have no concept. Well educated people! We can’t risk it.

I don’t lay awake at night worrying about us getting the virus like I did for the first few months of covid. I don’t live in dread of Mr. MLACS getting the virus and dying or becoming an invalid–but I do still have my moments.

The threat is very real to us.

But day-to-day, we just do our thing. For the month of October we’ve been to a couple of pumpkin patches (socially distancing and with masks on, even outdoors). I’ve decorated the house really fabulously, bought balloons and themed paper plates, and have lots of crafts for BG to do. It’s festive! We’re celebrating!

Taking it one day at a time.

Gotta go! LS just gave BG a bloody lip! The littlest is a real savage. And I have no idea what we’re having for dinner and it’s 5:40pm. I just needed to ignore my kids for an hour and write this blog. Hope you’re all well! Please do comment and tell me what you’ve been up to.