One year ago today, at 15dpo, I hesitantly took a FRER and saw those 2 unmistakeable pink lines…and now I’m holding my rainbow baby.
I’m full of gratitude–rocking my sleeping babe in the nursery and listening to a gentle rainstorm outside my window. I like this time of day, when I can just surf the internet/buy things on amazon/zone out while cuddling my baby. I’m lucky I am able to stay home.
On the other hand, my kid now freaks out when I leave her sight for more than 2 minutes. She is 15 weeks old and I have only left her ONCE ever, for 1 hour–I drove to a nearby trail access and walked *all by myself* last week. What can I say? I expect this is a phase (Mommy clingy-ness) and she’ll grow out of it, and then I’ll miss it. It’s not easy though, having another human being *literally* dependent on you 24/7 with no breaks–no trips to the grocery store/gym/salon alone.
So working mommies–it’s a catch 22–I have no alternative care (not even my husband, because she freaks out on him) and no independence. Sometimes it makes me very irritable–I have always relished my freedom. Whenever I feel impatient/irritable I am panged with guilt, because my kid is amazing and if I was a better mom then I’d never want or need time away from her–I feel unworthy sometimes. Other times I feel like a martyr. This juxtaposition of feelings is strange and hard to justify/talk about. Working mommies should take comfort in the fact that SAHM’s have their own set of issues–but I concede that I am fortunate to be able to choose which set of issues I want to deal with.
So the baby…
Is doing great! She is babbling up a storm and loves to sing–she sings along with me and her favorite is Old Macdonald. It’s fun for me, too, because I just make sh*t up, like “…and on that farm he had a duckbill platypus, eeeyiii eeeyiii ooooohhhhh! With a *waddle waddle here* and a *waddle waddle there*, here-a-waddle there-a-waddle everywhere-a-waddle-waddle…” I was in the shower the other day and went through most of the animal kingdom in an attempt to entertain her long enough to wash my hair *and* shave my legs.
She is grasping things now and putting them in her mouth–she can also suck her thumb! And she drools a lot so she’s wearing bibs now (I like pippi bandanna bibs off amazon). She’s 25+ a quarter inches long (96th percentile) and weighs a scant 11lb5oz (10th percentile) *but* she is plumping right up now that I’m taking the Domperidone (for milk supply)! She gained 12oz in the past 2 weeks! Yay!
She smiles and giggles and frowns and grumbles–it’s so neat to see her personality develop. She is sensitive to stimuli but slowly over the last few weeks I’ve exposed her to things here and there, simple things like lifting the cover on her stroller so she can look around when we take walks or go to the store. Her eyes get HUGE and she is quiet while she soaks it all in. When I meet up with the ladies from my prenatal yoga group, she now notices and appears to be fascinated by the other babies, but she’s still too little to interact much. Her neck and back are pretty strong and she holds herself high off the ground during tummy time and likes when I hold her and let her stand up! I dread when she starts crawling because *pet hair*.
I’m on the hunt for a baby carrier we noth like because since we’re together 24/7 it would give me more flexibility/mobility. So far she hates (HATES) the Moby wrap but has warmed up to the maya ring sling. I just bought an Ergo performance but not sure I’ll keep it–I’ve done TONS of research and the top brands for buckle carriers are Tula, Ergo and Beco (in various styles). Tulas are a cult and I’m waiting until they come out with a print that I absolutely LOVE before I buy one and become a “Tula in the wild”. Beco just don’t impress me. And Ergo would be *perfect* except every style either has/lacks some feature that is a “deal breaker”. I would love an original model but I hate that the hood sticks out and isn’t detachable. The Ergo performance model is nice but there’s no color/print selection and for $140 I want something stylish/unique. Well actually it’s $180 because I need the infant insert. I went to a BWI (babywearers International) local chapter meeting & tried on a couple carriers & liked the Ergo. We’ll see what I end up with and *if* I can get my baby to go along with it. Any suggestions? I love my stroller too and use it a lot, but it’s not always practical.
And in closing, we celebrated Koa’s 1st birthday! He’s such a big boy now! He’s a happy-go-lucky, silly, sweet labrador but he is also intelligent and fiercely protective of me and the baby. Of course we got him a cake from a local doggie bakery and celebrated with a family luau complete with silk flower leis. Mr. MLACS loves to spoil Koa and he bought him a beautiful leather collar with matching leash and a new “big boy” bed. I love being Koa’s mom and can’t imagine our family without him ❤