So AF arrived this morning at 13dpo (common for me in medicated cycles–I halved my progesterone dose yesterday too, but not sure that even mattered). Nail the coffin of IUI #5.
Last night Mr. MLACS continued to be a dickhead into the wee hours, but finally around midnight he heard me sobbing in the bedroom and came in and hugged me (well I hugged him but whatever). We are still dealing with some tension but a lot of that was gone when we woke up this morning.
We’ve been talking about getting a puppy for FOREVER, been planning that as long as we’ve been planning a baby–Mr. MLACS is a seasoned dog owner/trainer. I have no formal experience with dogs, so this will be interesting. A friend of a friend’s Lab just had AKC certified pups–get this–1 black male and 7 blonde females! DH and I are considering one of the females, but they are $500, then all the shots, etc. And we are leaving for a 10 day trip in July–and puppies must be taken from the owner prior to this trip. My friend said her Mom would take our puppy and help to crate train her while we were gone. But…I dunno. I don’t feel prepared to make this decision today. Plus, now I’m feeling stressed about money because I’m scared we’ll need to do expensive tests/procedures and/or IVF. Is it the right time for a puppy?
And then, how are we going to proceed with treatments? I’ve probably dropped 5+lbs in the last 2 days and I am going to be in a wedding in 6 weeks…do I want to take birth control and then stims and then be feeling like Puff the marshmallow man at this wedding? I went to the dark spin class (the one where it’s so dark no one can see me cry) last night. I worked hard and it felt good–I have been so bloated and sore (and slightly paranoid) that I hadn’t been to class since my trigger shot (though I was walking). Would I be better off to take time off until after our vacation?
Or do I feel an urgency to start birth control and go directly into another cycle before our trip?
And then, WHY is it that I got pregnant 2x naturally and then never again in these past 10 months/7 medicated cycles? I started Remicade when I had my chemical pregnancy and haven’t been pregnant since–is there a correlation? An implantation issue? An egg issue? Have all these months of stims f*cked up my eggs? Or are we just unlucky? Should I go to Chicago and see Dr. Kwak Kim and ask her if she suspects my immune system? But then there’ll be a bunch of tests…$$$…and will anything be revealed? My blood NK cells were normal (though I dunno how they are in my uterus). My ANA’s were undetectable as of 2 months ago. My thyroid is well within “normal”. My karyotype was “normal”. My Ulcerative Colitis is in remission. I’m “thick” but not obese or out of shape. My AMH (ovarian reserve) is high. I’m gluten-free, high protein, low sugar, negligible caffeine…I’m not stressed (in general). I take supplements. My husband has a stellar sperm count and he quit smoking 8 months ago.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
WHY did it work before, but not now???
I want answers.