Commence TWW

Hey guys, I updated my IUI #3 on my menu, with all the details and drama of the last 2 weeks (with updated drama and stats from insemination day). I have to go back and edit to include all the drugs and supps I’m taking–including the prednisone–aka prednisolone if you wanna act British (or if you are actually British). Yes, Dr. Angel kindly obliged my request for more drugs. He really melted my heart when he suggested to begin Heparin after a positive pregnancy test–love this guy–now that’s one less thing I need to badger him about (I hate badgering people). I believe (I choose to believe) that I ovulated within a few hours of my IUI yesterday, and it was confirmed (via dildocam) that I did ovulate within the 24 hours post-insemination. And today I will begin progesterone suppositories. And now I wait.

I’m a “pro” at taking corticosteroids. I’ll take a moment to explain how they work in case any of you were wondering. First off, people confuse corticosteroids with anabolic steroids–they are TOTALLY different. Corticosteroids (most commonly prednisone) stimulate your adrenal glands to secrete cortisol and adrenaline. This, in turn, suppresses your immune system. Cortisol is known as the “stress hormone”–it is secreted when you are stressed–which explains why you are more likely to become sick (like, with a cold) during times when you’ve been under a lot of stress for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, while cortisol is prodigious at quieting your immune system (and suppressing inflammation) it has a host of sh*tty side effects that you’ll notice if you take it over a period of time. One is that you feel *stressed* (cortisol) and another is that you feel *anxious* (adrenaline–your ‘fight or flight’ response hormone). Also, you probably know (from Dr. Oz or from some commercial) that cortisol causes you to retain fat in your midsection–this is a fact. Corticosteroids actually do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what anabolic steroids do–corticosteroids screw you over ROYALLY because they preferentially break down your muscle and use it as energy, rather than using your fat. And if that wasn’t bad enough, corticosteroids encourage your body to store any carbs or fat that you eat as bodyfat (especially on your stomach), rather than using them for energy. You all know that eating protein builds muscle, right? And we’ve established that corticosteroids ‘eat’ your muscle and store any carbs and fat you eat (conveniently) in your midsection, right? So then, it’s imperative that you eat A LOT of protein and as little carbs and fat as possible when you are on corticosteroids long-term. Currently I’m only taking 10mg, which is not much, but when I’ve had to take 40mg a day for extended periods (months), I couldn’t afford to eat poorly because of the consequences.

Anabolic steroids are the kind that bodybuilders use to add muscle and cut fat. Your doctor will never prescribe you anabolic steroids (well, incredibly rarely). So, if any of you have a reason to take corticosteroids, now you’ll understand that they WON’T make you bulky like a bodybuilder, and in fact, they will waste your muscle and add fat to your midsection with a quickness if you don’t eat properly (high protein, low carbs/fats). Corticosteroids also make your face puffy (it’s called ‘moon face’) and I get that even on 10mg. But I don’t care if I have ‘moon face’ in Myrtle’s wedding pictures, if it means I’m pregnant at her wedding. And, I am careful to take my prednisone in the morning, so that I can take advantage of the adrenaline and have a nice burst of energy to start my day and the cortisol doesn’t affect me too much. DO NOT take corticosteroids at night if you can possibly avoid it, because you won’t be able to sleep and may find yourself rocking back-and-forth and crying on the couch all by yourself at 4am (why yes, that has happened to me, MANY times). Don’t know if y’all wanted to know any of this stuff, but I just felt like sharing it. XO

In Case You Were Wondering…

hot dogs

Well, I haven’t written much lately–but I spent A LOT of time yesterday trying to figure out how to add IUI #1 and IUI #2 to my blog menu. I am proud to report to you that I am a genius I figured it out and you can now view my protocols for both of my IUI’s. I’ve found myself searching the internet for IUI BFP stories that give you real information (How many IUI’s did you do? How many follicles did you have and what sizes were they? What meds were you on? What were your first betas? Singleton or multiples? Etc.) and I found a good thread on a website, so for all of you ladies doing IUI’s, click HERE to view the IUI BFP thread I found (on fertility community).

In other news, I’m still in the TWW. I’ve decided not to test out the HCG trigger shot or to begin testing for an early BFP. I’m taking progesterone supplements, which give me pregnancy symptoms, so I’m mostly disregarding everything and not symptom spotting…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping here-and-there.

Here’s something weird. I’ve had cravings before, and then still came up with a BFN (many times, actually). But I’m still going to share with you that–while you’re all doing your ‘get healthy 2014’ thing–I’m over here consuming hot dogs (my go-to from IUI #1, weird) and steak salad with bleu cheese…I cannot get enough bleu cheese. I’m not even remotely trying to suggest that I am pregnant, I am simply sharing with you that, while I have been visiting the gym every-other-day, maintaining my 100% gluten-free status, and shying away from coffee and sweets…I have been inexplicably drawn to hot dogs, steak, and bleu cheese. Oh, and I may as well inform you that I made a big crock pot of Rotel dip yesterday (click HERE for recipe) which is basically fake plastic cheese, pork sausage, and tomatoes + green chiles from a can–totes unhealthy–and I ate it by the bowl-full, scooping it up with salty corn chips…I shamelessly ate this dip while I read your New Years resolutions.

I’m starting to feel anxious to find out if I truly am you-know-what. But, after the tumult of these past couple of months (much thanks to WHOREmones), I feel it would be unwise to ride the roller coaster of EPT’s…I am simply not mentally/emotionally stable enough (plus it’s a big fat waste of money, and then you’re left with a trash can full of broken dreams that reeks of piss). No thanks, I’ll just grab another hot dog and wait til the timer ‘dings’. XO

10dpo, 11dpiui Update

I don’t have much to report, but I figured I’d update you guys because I get frustrated when others of you go for treatments and then don’t update in the tww. I definitely have symptoms but I’m not going to post about them unless I get a BFP, because haven’t we all done the symptom-spotting posts and then felt stupid afterwards when we got the BFN? I feel like crap at the moment, I’ll say that much, but my UC is ‘flaring’ at the moment so I don’t know how much might be attributed to that. It sucks to feel like you have to have a bowel movement, and then not be able to go, or only be able to go a little and then have a bunch of blood (yes, TMI, sorry). I blame the weather, as it flip-flopped from 70 degrees to 20 degrees in a matter of hours and has stayed very cold the last 3 days. Oh, and maybe my hormones are responsible, because I had an HCG trigger shot last week and it only just left my system yesterday at 9dpo, and each time I had a miscarriage my UC ‘flared’ afterwards so maybe it has something to do with having the HCG trigger shot and then having the HCG leave my system–I have no idea what the connection is but I believe there is one. I only wish I knew exactly what the hell inspires my colon to revolt.*Sigh*

So here’s the rundown so far:

7dpo slight positive on Walmart brand EPT (looks like an evap)

8dpo slight positive on Walmart brand EPT (looks like an evap, same as the day before)

9dpo totally negative on Walmart brand EPT

10dpo (today) negative on a FRER

All of these tests were taken with FMU and I just POAS as opposed to collecting the urine in a cup and dipping the stick.

Oh, and my ex-boyfriend, who is still a friend of mine, texted me tonight that his sister is pregnant again! He told me first before anyone else! Lucky me! No but really I’m pleased for his family to welcome another child and I only wish it was his child because I know how bad my ex wants kids and what a good dad he’ll be. But still. Here I am feeling like crap, and then I get that text. Awesome.

Oh and guess who else is having a baby?! A 20-something year old druggie prostitute, and the “sperm donor” has a girlfriend and couldn’t care less about her! Yes, this is some gossip I got from a friend of mine earlier today. Oh, and the girl already had at least one abortion that we know of. Brilliant!

Ok, I’m done being sarcastic. Really I had a pretty good day–got my Christmas cards in the mail (all 100 of them)–I hand-addressed each one last night. Hung out with some friends, shopped, and watched football. Came home and had (all natural, nitrate free) hot dogs for dinner…I just can’t stay away from the damn hotdogs. WTF. But anyways, I feel very fortunate. XO

Tic Toc Tic Toc…

So I’m 6dp HCG trigger shot, seemingly 5dpo, and I’m already sick of the tww. Here’s what:

1. I misinterpreted Dr. Angel’s suggestion to “wait until Wed or Thur to begin testing”, you see…I mistakenly thought that he meant I might have a positive HPT and be able to celebrate being pregnant! WRONG. As any of you who’ve had the HCG trigger shot probably know, it takes (on average) 8-10 days for the HCG to leave your system. So what Dr. Angel actually was telling me, was that I shouldn’t expect a negative HPT before 7-8dp trigger, because the HCG from the shot would give me a false positive.

2. Of course, I googled and found one person who said her trigger shot was gone (HPT negative) by 6dp trigger. So of course, I used wasted a FRER yesterday at 5dp trigger, and got two solid lines–albeit, the second line wasn’t too dark so I hopefully will test negative by Thursday (8dp trigger). It feels counter-intuitive to be disappointed about a positive HPT *shudders* but I’m shakin’ it off.

3. I could definitely tell the HCG and Progesterone (from ovulation–no supps yet) have been in my system the last few days–I’ve been SO f*ing thirsty. My boobs are so sore I scared my cat by yelping when he put his paw on me and I also yelped when I hugged Mr. MLACS this morning. I’ve been having (my usual) “crazy pregnancy dreams”. But most of all, I’ve been craving crazy weird sh*t that I rarely ever eat: hotdogs and soda. I’ve eaten 5 hotdogs and 1 polish sausage in the last 3 days–and plenty of leftover ham and cheesy potatoes from Thanksgiving. I’ve also craved processed meat in my other pregnancies. So how ironic is it that pregnancy hormones make me crave the most unhealthiest things I can possibly eat???

4. I never told you this, but a couple weeks ago I went out and spent way too much money at the “hippie granola grocery store” and bought whey protein isolate, power greens powder, and frozen fruit to make “pregnancy smoothies”–which I’ve seen other people mention on their blogs. I wanted to crowd nutrients into my body and glow. And I was doing ok with drinking one smoothie a day. But now I have no room in my diet for healthy food, because I’m too busy inhaling nitrates. FAIL.

5. I’m really unhappy for some of my other friends in the blogosphere who’ve been grieving miscarriages, threatened miscarriages, and failed IVF attempts. I’m so very, very sad for my friends who are going through (recurrent) losses right now after just celebrating your BFP’s. Failed IVF cycles are SO unfair as well. It makes it hard to dream when reality is so f*ing harsh. Big hugs to you ladies.

6. But I’m still hopeful. I’m hopeful for all of you ladies who are in the TWW. I’m hopeful for all you ladies who are preparing for your next attempts at conception. I’m hopeful for everyone that we will all, one day, one way or another, be mothers (or be at peace with living child-free).

Mr. MLACS will be leaving to go back to work abroad this week. We haven’t had the most peaceful past couple of weeks. In fact, the first week was all prep for the IUI and then this weekend we fought like cats and dogs over the dumbest sh*t. But I’ll miss him when he’s gone. I do plan on making him help me put Christmas lights up before he leaves. I do not feel prepared for Christmas. Can you guess why? Well I’ll tell you: I am COMPLETELY consumed with my TWW. And until I know exactly what is happening in my uterus, I will hear no bells ringing or carolers singing. Instead I’ll be over here trying to resist the urge to buy more hotdogs and googling pregnancy crap. I’m useless right now. XO