Tic Toc Tic Toc…

So I’m 6dp HCG trigger shot, seemingly 5dpo, and I’m already sick of the tww. Here’s what:

1. I misinterpreted Dr. Angel’s suggestion to “wait until Wed or Thur to begin testing”, you see…I mistakenly thought that he meant I might have a positive HPT and be able to celebrate being pregnant! WRONG. As any of you who’ve had the HCG trigger shot probably know, it takes (on average) 8-10 days for the HCG to leave your system. So what Dr. Angel actually was telling me, was that I shouldn’t expect a negative HPT before 7-8dp trigger, because the HCG from the shot would give me a false positive.

2. Of course, I googled and found one person who said her trigger shot was gone (HPT negative) by 6dp trigger. So of course, I used wasted a FRER yesterday at 5dp trigger, and got two solid lines–albeit, the second line wasn’t too dark so I hopefully will test negative by Thursday (8dp trigger). It feels counter-intuitive to be disappointed about a positive HPT *shudders* but I’m shakin’ it off.

3. I could definitely tell the HCG and Progesterone (from ovulation–no supps yet) have been in my system the last few days–I’ve been SO f*ing thirsty. My boobs are so sore I scared my cat by yelping when he put his paw on me and I also yelped when I hugged Mr. MLACS this morning. I’ve been having (my usual) “crazy pregnancy dreams”. But most of all, I’ve been craving crazy weird sh*t that I rarely ever eat: hotdogs and soda. I’ve eaten 5 hotdogs and 1 polish sausage in the last 3 days–and plenty of leftover ham and cheesy potatoes from Thanksgiving. I’ve also craved processed meat in my other pregnancies. So how ironic is it that pregnancy hormones make me crave the most unhealthiest things I can possibly eat???

4. I never told you this, but a couple weeks ago I went out and spent way too much money at the “hippie granola grocery store” and bought whey protein isolate, power greens powder, and frozen fruit to make “pregnancy smoothies”–which I’ve seen other people mention on their blogs. I wanted to crowd nutrients into my body and glow. And I was doing ok with drinking one smoothie a day. But now I have no room in my diet for healthy food, because I’m too busy inhaling nitrates. FAIL.

5. I’m really unhappy for some of my other friends in the blogosphere who’ve been grieving miscarriages, threatened miscarriages, and failed IVF attempts. I’m so very, very sad for my friends who are going through (recurrent) losses right now after just celebrating your BFP’s. Failed IVF cycles are SO unfair as well. It makes it hard to dream when reality is so f*ing harsh. Big hugs to you ladies.

6. But I’m still hopeful. I’m hopeful for all of you ladies who are in the TWW. I’m hopeful for all you ladies who are preparing for your next attempts at conception. I’m hopeful for everyone that we will all, one day, one way or another, be mothers (or be at peace with living child-free).

Mr. MLACS will be leaving to go back to work abroad this week. We haven’t had the most peaceful past couple of weeks. In fact, the first week was all prep for the IUI and then this weekend we fought like cats and dogs over the dumbest sh*t. But I’ll miss him when he’s gone. I do plan on making him help me put Christmas lights up before he leaves. I do not feel prepared for Christmas. Can you guess why? Well I’ll tell you: I am COMPLETELY consumed with my TWW. And until I know exactly what is happening in my uterus, I will hear no bells ringing or carolers singing. Instead I’ll be over here trying to resist the urge to buy more hotdogs and googling pregnancy crap. I’m useless right now. XO