My Potterybarn Life

So of course the house won’t be finished on schedule. My gut instinct (and plenty of experience dealing with contractors) told me as much. They said it will be a “couple more weeks” and we can deal with that–but no more than that.

Meanwhile, I have been entertaining myself by shopping both online and in stores. It’s been quite a thrill! Mr. MLACS and I agreed on a budget and he has given me carte blanche to do as I please. I’m happy to say that I have been able to buy a lot of my first choice high-end items (potterybarn, restoration hardware, crate and barrel, west elm, williams sonoma, etc.) and then some lovely modestly-priced items as well (target, wayfair, hayneedle, home goods, etc.) and even some custom pieces from etsy and local artists.

But the “pièce de résistance” is my PB comfort slipcovered custom sectional sofa in “everyday linen”. I have always dreamed of having a potterybarn slipcovered sofa and I ordered exactly what I wanted–even upgraded to the feather down filling.

I also bought a PB leather recliner that I adore because it is very stylish, but it’s really for Mr. MLACS–mostly as a decoy so he doesn’t sit his greasy a** on my PB couch when he gets home from work or comes in from playing outside with BG and the dog. Mr. MLACS has been wanting a recliner for ages, so it’s win/win for both of us.

I see my facebook newsfeed full of fiery indignance about politics/politicians/social injustice/other very important things that I should be more aware of. And I wonder if I’ve truly become a shallow person, because I give no f*cks about any of it. None. I watch cartoons all day and sing songs and play playdoh and buy groceries and sweep up gobs of pet hair and cook dinner. But do you know what really inspires me??? What really matters to me???

My muthaf*ckin’ potterybarn sofa sectional. That’s what.

Sorry to disappoint you if you thought I was better than that. I’m not.

I have literally spent hours agonizing over which throw pillows to accessorize my couch with. HOURS. Who does that???

Me. I do that.

All the pinterest’ing and online shopping has been great because it keeps me off social media (I love/hate social media–mostly hate) and gives me something to look forward to. I feel giddy every time the doorbell chimes and I see the UPS/FedEx/USPS carrier making haste toward their vehicle, because I know that means there is a special delivery for moi! BG gets excited too and loves to open the boxes with me and reveal the “prize” (BG’s short for “surprise”) inside. It never gets old for either one of us.

I could sit here and wax poetic about all the faaaaaaabulous things I’ve recently acquired (the boxes of which are cluttering my foyer and the UPS guy has to wonder WTF is going on because I can barely open the door).

But let me also enlighten you about the current state of my colon.

I will see the IBD Specialist this Thursday (so 3 days from now). I need to discuss some things with her:

  1. I’ve still got this perianal fistula. Lately it itches a bit–is that good or bad? It doesn’t hurt though. And I’m still slightly incontinent (anal leakage). So I’d like to see one of their Colorectal surgeons and get their opinion. Also, I want to know if they will do a laser fistulotomy. And if they are capable of doing a colectomy laproscopically. Sh*t I should probably already have asked, but did not have the presence of mind to even consider until recently.
  2. The Stelara is working, but I worry. I just hit the 3 week mark post-infusion and I’ve read the half-life of Stelara is 3 weeks. I woke up today with a bit of blood and mucus. Is it wearing off already? Or is this a blip on the radar? My concern about it “wearing off” is legit IMO because I “failed” Humira due to my serum levels never accumulating to theraputic levels–because as IBD Specialist phrased it, my body “clears it too quickly”. So, like, maybe it’s clearing the Stelara too quickly? They have me scheduled to take my Stelara injection 8 weeks from the initial infusion, but they could move the Stelara up to every 4 weeks. My question is: what has to happen for them to give me Stelara every 4 weeks?
  3. I’m very determined to wean from the prednisone, and I’m down to 27.5 mg, but I was supposed to drop to 25 mg today and decided against it due to the blood and mucus. Frustrating.
  4. As my prednisone goes down my weight goes up. Isn’t it ironic? Prednisone was like dexatrim for me at higher doses. I lost almost 30 lbs. And now I’ve gained like 25 of it back. I feel much stronger physically and much sharper mentally, so I’m grateful for that and I would WAY rather be chubby than sick. But, it’s still disappointing to have a fat face from prednisone and now a giggly tummy to match. This is definitely something I have some control over and I need to go back to recording my food on myfitnesspal and making better choices. However, it’s harder to make good choices when I’m tired and sore due to prednisone withdrawal–the fact is that I crave sugar. I should probably see an endocrinologist regarding my hypothyroid and adrenal fatigue.
  5. I still want to start TTC soon and I need to know the IBD Specialist’s criteria for when it’s in the realm of possibility. I don’t intend to wait until everything is peachy and perfect, because that likely will never happen. I just want to safely muddle through a pregnancy before having my colon surgically removed–this doesn’t require me to be in full remission, as half-assed remission will suffice.

Ok that’s all for now because BG is peeved that I have not been catering to her this morning and I’m afraid she’s going to complain to HR. Gotta go.

XOXO,

MLACS

 

 

 

Daring To Dream

To recap my last post:

  1. I had the Stelara infusion a week ago and it is working–no blood in my stools and I feel better all-around.
  2. I’ve gained 10 lbs and lost a lot of hair since I started taking 6MP (mercaptopurine) a few weeks ago.

Well, I spoke to the IBD Specialist’s Nurse Practitioner via email (patient portal–so convenient) and she told me to go ahead and quit the 6MP. So I have not taken it the last 2 days and so far, so good–no blood.

Speaking of blood though, I am having my first *real* period in 6 months–it’s very heavy but not painful, just uncomfortable. It’s a good thing though, because it means my body has healed enough that it is willing to consider getting pregnant.

I was cleaning the guest bathroom yesterday and stumbled across some brown paper bags of medication, and I knew they were mine not Mr. MLACS’s, but I had to stop and think of what it was…??

And it stung me like a bee–it’s Crinone (progesterone to support a pregnancy). The Crinone I had bought and paid for back in December after I met my new OBGYN and expressed to him my desire to start TTC (trying to conceive) again. Just before all hell broke loose with my UC-turned-Crohn’s. I shelled out $300+ for this stuff, and I wonder if I will ever get to use it.

Mr. MLACS has been very flirty with me lately, and instead of feeling “blah” about it, I have felt more interested. I got a babysitter and we went on our…2nd?…date, just him and me, since BG was born (28 months ago). We went out to eat at a fun Caribbean-style restaurant–I even had half a glass of wine! I had been thinking about having a glass of wine and I finally felt good enough to try it, and I was tipsy but my liver appears to be worse for the wear. We talked about having a second baby, and we are both ready to try (Mr. MLACS is most def ready to resume our sex life).

We are actually in a much better position to TTC *now* than we were before I became ill. Before I became ill, we had no idea how we were going to get our (burnt to a crisp) dream home repaired. Our marriage was strained from the stress of moving to a place where we knew no one, our house burned down as soon as we signed the contract, and Mr. MLACS’s job was grinding him to the bone, leaving me alone with BG and to do ALL the things by myself. We were miserable. And *then* I got sick and that was the “stick that broke the camel’s back”. Things had to change, there was no trudging on the way we had been. I couldn’t. And at first everything got much, much worse. But when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up… So things have been steadily improving. Most importantly, our trials have made our marriage stronger. Well that, and I am not afraid of being unable to parent BG through a pregnancy and another baby, because I managed to do it through my illness. Plus, Mr. MLACS really stepped up and now him and BG are very close–she doesn’t need me as much. If you recall, he was away for work most of the first 18 months of her life, so we were all used to me being the primary caregiver, even when Mr. MLACS was home. But when I got sick, he had to take over and that was actually a good thing, because they have a very strong bond now.

So there are silver linings to my illness–we are stronger as a couple and as a family. We have had time to settle our affairs and we are going to move into our new home soon–we are finally out of the stress and the depression/funk we had in the wake of our house burning down. Mr. MLACS’s job has become a much less toxic place and new management is very “pro-family”, so he is home on time a lot more and a lot less stressed.

We are in a good place to have a baby.

I just have to wean off the prednisone before we can try. I’m going to drop from 32.5mg to 30mg tomorrow. I can’t imagine that my weaning will go completely smoothly–I’ll probably have to hold several weeks at various doses, pending my symptoms. But I am daring to dream that the Stelara will quell my immune system and allow me to wean off the prednisone, given patience and time.

Assuming I can straighten myself out, then we’ll *just* have to work on getting pregnant (ha ha ha ha ha–because it was SO easy–it *only* took 6 IUI’s to conceive BG).

I mean, everybody’s gotta have a dream, right?

XOXO,

MLACS

 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow…

Y’all know I just spent all kinds of money getting my hair done. And now it is f*ing falling out.

I’m pissed.

My shower walls are covered in hair (as it comes out in clumps when I wash it). My shower drain is clogged. I’m pulling huge hairballs off my brush almost daily. There’s hair all over my clothes, the floors, etc.

I don’t know exactly why this is happening but my best guess would be the 6MP that I started taking a few weeks ago. The same sh*t that facilitated my gaining 10 lbs since I started it. Nasty sh*t. And I’m only on 50mg/day. That’s not even a proper dose for my size. Technically it is not supposed to “work” until you’ve taken it for at least 6 weeks, and it’s not considered very effective as an immunosuppressant at such a low dose. So *technically* since I’m no longer taking Humira and don’t need 6MP to keep antibodies at bay, my IBD Specialist told me I can quit taking it the last time I saw her. But I thought it was helping so she said “If it makes you feel better (as in, mentally better because she doesn’t believe I could have a clinical response sooner than 6 weeks) then you can stay on it until after your Stelara infusion”.

Well, I’ve had the Stelara infusion and it *is* helping. I feel better! I even felt brave enough to drop my prednisone from 35mg to 32.5mg on Monday. So hey, given all the sh*tty side effects and the fact that IBD Specialist thinks the 6MP is *moot* in my treatment, then I should just quit… right?

But I’m scared. I’m afraid that it (6MP) is working to some extent and that quitting will impede my prednisone taper. And I want off the prednisone NOW–I want my *face* back (because “moon face”).

Which brings me back to… Maybe instead of f*cking with all these drugs, I should just have the (permanent ileostomy) surgery already. I know a stoma is forever and it wouldn’t make my life “gravy” but I am pretty f*ing sick of my current set of issues and I might like to trade them in for a new set–you know, for variety.

And also, I would look horrible bald.

XOXO,

MLACS

Just Waiting…

Hey peeps! Last we spoke, I was headed to see the IBD specialist’s Nurse Practitioner. Well that happened a week and a half ago, and I figure I should update you on my colon.

  1. I am starting Stelara ASAP. But (there is always a “but”) the infusion center scheduled me *way* far out on July 12th and that is not acceptable, so together with my IBD MA (medical assistant) we are working to figure out WTF is up with that.
  2. I haven’t spoken of it in awhile, but I still have a perianal fistula. Looking forward to getting that resolved one way or another in the near-ish future, I hope–fistulas are tricky, fickle things.
  3. I managed to drop my Prednisone from 40mg/day to now 35mg/day. I accomplished this by dropping 2.5mg instead of 5mg. I plan to stay at 35mg until after my first Stelara infusion, unless for some reason I am compelled to drop to 32.5mg–but my symptoms have increased a bit so I doubt I will attempt that.
  4. The 6MP does appear to be working. My toileting is down to 2-3x per day, mostly formed (albeit oddly), with only a little blood and mucus. I do still have “urgency’ when I need to poop, but I can’t complain–I am SO much better than I was a couple months ago. Amen.
  5. Plan is still to try Stelara and then have the surgery (ileostomy) if the Stelara doesn’t work. I feel so close to remission right now–as if I’m hobbling toward an imaginary “finish line” in a nightmare-ish marathon. It will really crush me if I have come this far but can’t reach remission. Like come the f*ck on.
  6. So my current IBD meds are: 35mg Prednisone + Humira 40mg/weekly injection + 50mg 6MP.
  7. I am also still breastfeeding BG at naptime and bedtime. She is healthy as a horse and has only had a few minor headcolds in 27 months (no croup, never had to suction her nose). I really feel the breastmilk is what boosts her immune system, and since my immune system is so f*cked up I am elated that BG’s is functioning so well and will continue to breastfeed her for awhile. So at least my body is doing something right.
  8. People have been asking me if I’m going to have another kid. My answer is I want to, but I have to get better first. What I don’t bother mentioning is that even when I do “start trying” I hardly expect things to be easy or timely, because that is not my lot in life. But I really, really hope it works out.

XOXO,

MLACS

June 16th

It was three years ago on June 16th that I conceived my BG upon my 6th IUI (intrauterine insemination). It was a “hail mary” attempt, as I had not planned to have an IUI that cycle. According to my RE, I had cysts on my ovaries and likely wouldn’t ovulate anyway (due to massive amounts of fertility drugs–I’m talking 400iu of Gonal-F, which is an IVF dose). But I decided to go see my OBGYN, Dr. Angel, and have him take a look mid-cycle to see what I was dealing with. And what we saw was one perfect follicle (no cysts) getting ready to ovulate.

And this fire was LIT inside me, that I had to try this month after all. I didn’t think it would work–truly I didn’t–but I could not stand the thought of not trying.

Of course Mr. MLACS was 3,000 miles away working. So I did the only sensible thing–I told him to ditch work and bring his ass home to impregnate me. I was 110% serious. He offered to fly me to him but that would have cost like $2,000 and I said I would rather put that money toward IVF (because again, I did not think this was going to work). We argued. We fought. We both cried.

I had another option, but I didn’t want to consider it. I had a vile of frozen sperm “on file” at the RE’s office. But he. (the RE) was such a f*cking pompous prick to us after our 5th IUI, that I did not ever want to set foot in his office again. However, my desire to “try” this cycle trumped my desire to punch the RE in his face. So without monitoring, I simply waited until I got a “smiley face” on the CBD ovulation predictor–this happened on a Sunday. And first thing Monday morning I called the RE’s office and “ordered” my husband’s thawed sperm as one might order a mcmuffin at mcdonald’s. The receptionist balked but offered to check with the RE (who was on vacation). And luckily, I was given the “green light” to come in for an IUI at 11am. I was glad the RE wasn’t there and his nurse unceremoniously inseminated me. I didn’t even lay there or put my legs up like I normally would–the moment she left the room I pulled my pants on and got the hell outta there.

During the TWW (two week wait between ovulation and menstruation) I ate what I wanted, exercised vigorously and drank a lot of wine at a wedding–things I wouldn’t normally do after an IUI. This is NOT to say that it worked because I “just stopped trying”–that is bullsh*t and don’t ever suggest that to a couple who is struggling to get pregnant. But it is to demonstrate how little faith I had that I was pregnant. I was sure I wasn’t–every other month I swore I was pregnant but this time I didn’t bother. I was busy researching IVF clinics.

But I actually was pregnant–finally–a year after my 2nd miscarriage and so many infertility drugs and needles and vaginal ultrasounds and fights with Mr. MLACS and worry and TEARS…so many tears…

So June 16th is one of the best days of my life, because that is (without a doubt) the day I conceived my BG.

XOXO,

MLACS

California Girl

I’m going to Disneyland!

Hey guys, I’m currently packing and getting ready to go to California to see my good friend and fellow blogger Steph Mignon (click HERE to check her out–she’s fabulous) and while there me and Mr. MLACS have planned a day trip to take BG to Disneyland. I’m finally getting excited! Took awhile, what with all the literal sh*t hitting the fan around here–I dared not hope that this vacation would actually happen. But here we are, 2 days from departure and my health is stable, I feel pretty decent and I appear to have my sh*t together-ish. I might even skip taking my valium for the plane ride (anxiety post-9/11) because I dealt with my fear through EFT tapping and I don’t feel freaked out like I normally would. I forsee us having a great time with our friends and making precious memories with BG.

Oh! And I get my hair done tomorrow–fingers crossed that it makes me feel like a “California Girl”. Got some cute dresses to wear on vacation too (couple new, couple I just never wear because I live in sweats and leggings).

But I don’t get to leave chronic illness at home. It comes with.

I had to buy a lock for my suitcase to make sure my kid and Steph’s kids cannot get into my vast array of pills. I had to buy a cooling bag to carry my Humira injection pen. I have a bikini for the beach but I have to wear a rash guard over it because I am so sensitive to the sun (I feel flu-like when I get too much) and now I’m also prone to skin cancer due to the drugs I’m on. And I always have to wear a hat.

Fingers crossed that my health stays stable and that I don’t catch any horrible viruses due to being on 3 different immunosuppressants. The IBD Specialist had me get a flu shot and a pneumonia vaccine (Prevnar 13) so at least if I do catch the plague I might be spared.

But hey, I’m going to Disneyland! Yay!

XOXO,

MLACS

 

More Drugs or Less Colon?

How many more drug therapies do I want to try? When will I feel “ready” for surgery (to remove my diseased colon)? Which surgery option is best for me (permanent illeostomy, j-pouch, k-pouch)?

These are the questions I have been agonizing over since I received results from my colonoscopy on May 2nd and blood tests from these past couple weeks. I have been anxious to learn what the IBD Specialist would recommend at my follow-up appointment this past Monday May 22nd. I was afraid she would only offer options I didn’t like and then bully me to pick one.

I went to the city for the appointment and left Mr. MLACS and BG back home, which was actually good because I needed the 4 hour round trip drive time to myself.

I was trying to act casual when I saw the MA, like “Hey girl” but my blood pressure gave me away–148/80. It was higher to begin with, like 150/90. I groaned and leveled with her that I had been stressing about the appointment. Filled her in on my progress post-colonoscopy: first few days thought I might die, added Cortifoam enemas and they helped, now I feel as good or better than I did pre-colonoscopy *but* it’s moot because I’m still on 40mg prednisone since I got sick when I tried to drop to 35mg. So basically, nothing has really changed.

Then I sat in the small, stark, window-less room by myself for 20+ minutes freaking out until IBD Specialist knocked and entered.

She wasted no time. Asked me questions. Discussed my test results. Then launched into a flow chart of treatment options, during which I was laser-focused, taking it all in and formulating questions to ask at the conclusion of her presentation. Must say, I love well organized notes and flow charts, so I appreciated her giving me the visual.

My test results:

  1. Colonoscopy showed severe left-sided colitis. However, there was no inflammation outside the colon (good) and all biopsies came back clean. I tested negative for CMV.
  2. I tested NORMAL for TPMT, which means I CAN metabolize 6MP and Imuran, so these ARE treatment options for me! Yayyyyyy!
  3. My Humira serum levels were pitifully low (2) and IBD Specialist said this indicates that the Humira isn’t doing anything for me. However, I tested negative for antibodies (to Humira) so it remains an option, albeit a weak one. Boooooo.

So with this in-mind, IBD Specialist presented me with treatment options:

1. Humira + Imuran

I went into this knowing my first choice would be to add Imuran to my Humira. I know the Humira HAS helped me (even if it doesn’t seem like it clinically)  and I’m used to it–no negative side effects–so I don’t want to gamble on a different biologic. Since my Humira levels were low I asked about increasing my dose from 40mg/week to the max dose of 80mg/week, but IBD Specialist said 80mg has not shown to be any more effective than 40mg so she doesn’t prescribe the 80mg dose. Frustrating, but ok. Moving on. She said I can try adding the Imuran in hopes it will “boost” the Humira and make it more effective. I was SO relieved she gave me this option.

2. Remicade + Imuran

Even though I tried and “failed” Remicade, IBD Specialist suggested I try it again and heavily medicate (benadryl, tylenol, etc.) in hopes of avoiding a reaction. Like, apparently I should try it even if I do have antibodies. But after further discussion about my experience with Remicade, she decided it’s not an option after all. I was not at all interested in trying it again.

3. Stelara + Imuran

Stelara is a newer drug that has had great results for a lot of people–I’ve been reading peoples’ experiences on forums and it looks promising. It may take only a few weeks to reach “theraputic levels” or it may take months. It’s my second choice after Humira. I hesitate to switch though because I fear getting very ill again if I quit Humira, potential side effects of Stelara, and I want to have a baby and Stelara is a newer drug so there’s nothing to say of it’s safe for pregnancy or breastfeeding. But glad it’s an option.

4. Entyvio + Imuran

Entyvio is also a newer biologic and plenty of people who “failed” Remicade and/or Humira have found success with Entyvio. But it is slow to work–definitely slower than Stelara. So it would be my 3rd choice… except…

I’m really leaning more towards surgery.

5. Diverting Illeostomy (I think it is called?) Where they would disconnect my colon and give me an ostomy (poop in a bag), which could allow my colon to rest and heal. I crossed this off immediately, saying that if I am to have surgery then it will be THE surgery to remove the diseased colon.

IBD Specialist perked up and said surgery is a great option for me. However, as a “Crohn’s Colitis” patient I am not elligible for the J-pouch. Which I already knew. But I need a 2nd opinion before I will accept her diagnosis, and rule out the J-pouch as an option. I intend to seek a second opinion from the Cleveland Clinic. I have not shared this with IBD Specialist, because she acted indignant that I questioned her diagnosis in the first place. So that leaves the permanent illeostomy or a “continent ostomy” in the form of a K-pouch (I’m not considering BCIR). The illeostomy would *theoretically* be the simplest surgery (with no pouch to fashion) and much less chance of complications now or down the road. IBD Specialist said that since I have never shown inflammation outside the colon there’s maybe only a 2% chance of disease reappearing after surgery, so I could expect to live *MED FREE* as in no more pills, injections, infusions, enemas, steroids, etc. Buh bye medicine cabinet! Which is what I want–no more disease, no more meds, living life to the fullest. But then you have to deal with caring for an ostomy and learning to live with the bag. How will I wear clothes–what will be comfortable? What about when the bag leaks (everyone does sometimes)? What about the audible noises a stoma makes as it empties into the bag–will I avoid eating to avoid embarrassing noises in public? What if my skin is super inflamed by the adhesives used to attach/seal the bag to me–I do have reactions to adhesives (like from bandaids and the sticky pads they use for an EKG, etc.) so this is a serious concern for me. If I wanted or needed to remove my entire rectum it would require a 2nd surgery (I thought it could all be removed at once but apparently the rectum removal is complex). The resulting wound from rectum removal may take for-ev-er to close and many people are ‘oozing’ for a year post-op. So, it could be cut-and-dry or it could be more involved.

The K-pouch removes the entire colon and creates a resevoir pouch akin to the J-pouch, which holds waste and gives you some time in between needing to empty it. You have a “valve” on the outside and when you need to empty your pouch you use a catheter, insert it into the valve and it drains your pouch. You can wear your regular clothes without concern for concealing a bag underneath. You decide when to empty your pouch–no spontaneous noises drawing attention in the middle of a quiet room. No worries about a bag leaking, or changing your bag, or skin irritation from adhesives/leaks/etc. But since it is more complex it is also more prone to complications, and since K-pouches are relatively rare (only a short list of surgeons even know how to perform the surgery) you may well have issues finding someone local to treat you in the event that something goes wrong. Is it worth trying?

The J-pouch is most peoples’ preference because it removes the entire colon, fashions a resevoir pouch (J-pouch) out of your small intestines and then reconnects the pouch to the anus so that waste exits the “normal” way, albeit one can expect to need to empty their pouch at least several times a day so it’s still not ideal. The J-pouch generally requires at least 2 surgeries, though rarely will be performed all in one surgery–but that is not best practice. Many people require 3 surgeries, and that would be me. First they’d remove my diseased colon and give me a temporary illeostomy for several months. Then the second surgery they would create the J-pouch. Then several months later the final surgery would close the illeostomy and connect everything together. Three surgeries is a lot. Then there’s the chance that there would be lingering disease in my anus and it would either require me to take meds like I do now or have a 4th surgery to remove the J-pouch and go back to an illeostomy (or possibly convert to a K-pouch). Then there is “pouchitis” which some people (a lot) end up having “chronic pouchitis” and this requires them to be on antibiotics and who the hell knows what else to deal with it–not f*cking cool. I worry that I would be one of the “lucky ones” to have endless issues with the J-pouch, and what I really want (after 13 years of this disease) is to have surgery and be DONE with it.

Thinking about all this stuff is enough to make my f*cking head explode. On one hand, I’d rather have control over when to have surgery and where (such as traveling to Cleveland Clinic) and if I wait until I’m so ill that surgery is my only option then I may end up with a mediocre surgeon and far more complications. But on the other hand, I’m scared. I don’t want to regret whichever surgery option I choose (and FTR surgery is inevitable, just a matter of when). I have discussed it with Mr. MLACS but he’s not got much of an opinion except that he supports me having whatever surgery I choose. I wish my Mom was alive. Not because she would tell me what to do, or hold my hand, but because she would make me feel brave and go forward with whatever surgery without fear or regret. And I could count on her to help me and take care of BG afterwards. I can’t dwell on the way I wish things were, but I wish she was here.

So then, what is my plan?

  1. Humira + Imuran…except I tried the Imuran this week and it made me feel AWFUL. So now I’m going to try 6MP. If I can’t tolerate it at all then I will be so f*cked. Pray for me.
  2. Stelara + 6MP…or if I can’t handle 6MP then Stelara alone…maybe…or…
  3. Surgery

My goal is still to get into remission and off prednisone with drug therapy, and then try to have another baby. Or maybe even to try to have a baby with an illeostomy–but I don’t think I’d try it with a K-pouch or J-pouch simply because they would take awhile to heal and I’m about to be 38 years old, etc.

This…this is what I am working with right now. I actually left my appointment on Monday feeling sad, but relieved. The drugs might work, but if they don’t then surgery could be a great option–provided I don’t end up with complications. I mean, even with complications most people say they would do it again, so…

XOXO,

MLACS