My Cat Ate My Clomid

Well sort of…he tried to…
I am Mother to an exclusively indoor American short-hair male calico cat. I’ll wax poetic about him later. Although he is an indoor cat, he loves to ‘hunt’ bugs and he has a bunch of toy mice that he will bat around the house, and when he’s done with them he ‘drowns’ them in his water bowl, as if to say “game over”. He occasionally drowns found objects in the water bowl, such as my ponytail holders or recently a valuable string of pearls (that were left on the counter–where he is NOT allowed and he knows this).
Last night I was on cd6 and I’m taking 50mg Clomid cd3-7. I have an arduous nightly routine that includes taking about 20 pills (meds & supplements) and then shoving something (either suppository or enema) in my rear-end to keep my Ulcerative Colitis “quiet”. I was having Clomid-inspired hot flashes last night and getting ready for bed seemed like a particularly big pain in the butt (no pun intended, but ha ha). Right before I was to decide between suppository (easier but less effective) or enema (always works but I always worry I will accidentally soil the bed). I had bloody diarrhea, which means my UC is “angry” and so I sucked it up and did the enema.
I was feeling sorry for myself because I know that the hormones (Clomid + Progesterone) are wreaking havoc and “flaring” my autoimmune issues: Ulcerative Colitis (UC) + Lichen Sclerosus (LS). My va-jay-jay is still sore from sex two nights ago because the LS is causing scar tissue inside and out, plus the Clomid is causing me to have brown discharge and I can’t use a tampon since my vagina feels like it has rug-burn…I was having a moment where I felt totally awful and wondered how much longer I can keep doing this to my body (miscarriages & hormone therapy). I laid down and realized I was having UC-inspired lower back pain, and I thought “f*ck it, I haven’t taken any Vicodin in a long time” so I went back downstairs and broke one of my (coveted) hydrocodone pills in half and took 1/2 a pill. I was sweating bullets as I huffed-and-puffed back upstairs and flopped down in bed.
Just as I got comfortable I realized “I forgot to take my Clomid!” I sat bolt upright. Geezus, how could I have forgotten?! So I stumbled back downstairs, opened the medicine cabinet and fished around for the little silver packet of Clomid pills…found it and took #4…and decided to put the package on the counter so I wouldn’t forget it the next day. The Vicodin kicked in and I slept like a baby.
Woke up to Kitty meowing in my face and jumping all over me and the hubs, figured he was hungry and came downstairs to take a look at his bowl…and saw there was something silver and shiny sitting next to it. I gasped, “You didn’t”?! It appeared as though Kitty had jumped up on the counter and decided to play ‘mouse’ with my package of Clomid…”please tell me he didn’t ‘drown’ my last Clomid pill!” The package was beside the water bowl, not in it, and when I picked it up it was dry and the last pill was still sealed properly, thank God! I was sitting there thinking “what if I had to call the pharmacy and tell them my cat ate my Clomid? Would they even believe me?” And also I tried to imagine my cat having hot flashes…luckily neither scenario played out. I shook the package at Kitty and he got a spanking–that’s what kind of parent I am–the kind that spanks (not maliciously though, the only way he knows the difference between playing and punishment is the tone of my voice).
So cheers! to the completion cycle #2 of Clomid pills…now the fun part begins…will I ovulate on-time or will it be late again? Baby aspirin? Check. Metanx? Check. Endometrin? Check. Mucinex? Check. Preseed? Check. Fabulous SA results from the hubs? Check. Remicade to mediate my NK cell activity? Check. Now all I need is a good egg.