Will Work For…?

Hey ladies, what’s happenin’?! Well here, I’ll go first:

I was 100% correct with that BFN on 12dpo, and I started AF on Monday, as scheduled. IT WAS SO F*ING PAINFUL. Omg, I was popping the ibuprofen gel caps (fyi they work way better than the tablets) 400mg every 2 hours and it still hurt like a mofo–like I was grinding my teeth and holding my breath. Which was just icing on the cake because I started my new job at the medical office on Monday! Oh yeah, it was an 11 hour shift and guess what: they don’t take lunch breaks! I expected an hour lunch break, but nope, they don’t take ANY lunch break and instead they take turns making infrequent trips to get food or coffee (there is NO Starbucks nearby either *hurumph*) and they freakin’ expect us to eat quickly in the back room or bring it up front to the front desk–which seems SO unprofessional to me. If you are a sick person do you really want to walk in to a room that smells overwhelmingly of chili? Me neither. Yes, I am aware that this practice of no official break/lunch is totally illegal. Um, we also don’t clock in. You record your hours in a log book. Freaking weird huh? But everyone is really nice, including the docs that own the clinic. Supposedly the profit sharing and bonuses make up for the BS (snacking for lunch). And they are compensating me for 3 new pairs of scrubs–nobody does that. I’m so torn about this situation. And you know what makes it more awkward? I’m a horrible liar, and I’m keeping stuff from them. I don’t want to tell them I’m taking Remicade for my Ulcerative Colitis. I don’t want to see the look of shock and dismay on their faces when they realize that I am a “sick person”–don’t want the stigma. This clinic treats a lot of contagious sick people and I am taking a risk by being on an immunosuppressant drug and exposing myself to whatever might walk through the door. I wonder if maybe I am stupid for even considering taking this job, but I’ve been on Prednisone (a steroid/immunosuppressant) and worked in the same type of clinic and I never got sick–save for a typical winter cold. I had to “dance around” telling my new employers/coworkers about the Remicade though, because I needed a flu vaccination and I can ONLY take the flu shot (non-live vaccine) and NOT the flu mist (live vaccine)–and they asked me “Do you have asthma or something?” and I simply said “Yes”…which is partially true because I do keep an inhaler around for occasional exercise-induced asthma…but I felt like such a liar! I know it’s none of their business but still…these people treat each other as friends, and God forbid if something should arise (I get super duper sick) and I have to tell them…and what if they think I’m just a big fat truth-concealing liar???

In Procreational news, I had to put the smack-down on Freedom Pharmacy, but my Bravelle should arrive tomorrow–and it only cost me a $75 copay!!! How sweet is that?! How lucky am I?! I am so very grateful, because that’s really all we can afford right now (since the IRS is taking their sweet time returning the money they wrongfully took from us). Freedom Pharmacy just pisses me off–they couldn’t tell me my mf*ing copay, and I kept having to call them back, and finally I said “get me a manager because I don’t have another 24 hours to play phone tag and I WANT TO KNOW WHY this is so difficult, if you are indeed a legitimate pharmacy.” And manager got on the phone, apologized for the two other phone reps who had given me conflicting information and no answer as to what my copay would be, and she went and ‘fetched’ that information herself–when she told me it was only $75 I did a little dance and thanked her and hung up the phone. But cheese ‘n rice they are such a pain to deal with.

I worked 1/2 the day today and called my OBGYN ‘Dr. Angel’ as soon as I got home, so that I could figure out the protocol for this cycle and arrange a time to come in this Friday to learn how to do my Bravelle shots. Here is my protocol:

1. Begin 2.5mg Letrozole CD3 (today)

2. Begin 75iu Bravelle daily on CD7 (Sunday)

3. Come in for monitoring daily until follicles mature

4. Do the trigger shot and IUI

This is such a circus…first of all, Mr. MLACS doesn’t arrive home until next Friday the 22nd, so I’m just slightly concerned that we time everything so that he’s around to “do his part”. The other thing is, I just started this new job and I DON’T GET A LUNCH BREAK, which I was counting on to be able to rush over to Dr. Angel’s office and do my ultrasounds/monitoring without having to take time off or give an explanation. FML. What am I supposed to tell my work? They said they will be flexible about my schedule for the first couple weeks while I’m training, because I wasn’t supposed to start until December, but still…they will expect me to give some explanation or else they will think I am weird and shady. Any suggestions? I’m at a loss. And there’s more….

I got this job for several reasons; I’d like to save up and pay cash for nursing school (I have enough student loans for one lifetime, thanks); I’d like to travel with Mr. MLACS; I’m glad to have the experience since I plan to become a nurse; I need something to keep me busy while Mr. MLACS is gone; etc. We don’t particularly need the money, especially because Mr. MLACS just got a promotion and pay increase–his pay increase is more than I will make in a year at this job. There’s pro’s and con’s to this job, and I’m not sure if I should even let them waste time training me if I’m not going to stay…can you guys take a look at this and tell me what you would do if you were me?

Pros:

• Money–you can never have too much money
• Experience–my nursing school resume will look ‘beefy’ with the variety of clinics I’ve worked at
• Purpose–it’s great to know that you’re helping people; it’s great to have a reason to wake up in the morning
• Social–it’s great to interact with people, instead of being a “homebody” and sitting around until everybody else gets off work
• Schedule–it’s full time but I only work 3.5 days per week (Three 11hr shifts + One 5.5hr shift)

Cons:

• Health Risks–I’m on Remicade, which suppresses my immune system. I may not get any more sick than a “normal” person. Or, I may end up with a raging infection that threatens my life. WHAT IF I GET PREGNANT?! Could I live with myself if my brazen job choice put my long-awaited child’s life at risk?
• Time Apart–Mr. MLACS is typically going to be gone 1/2 the month. How am I going to tear myself away from him?! This first trip is actually more than 3 weeks and when he gets back next week I just want to glue myself to him. Work-Schmerk. Blah.
• No Lunch–seriously, this is sort of a deal-breaker for me. I live 5 minutes away from the clinic, and when you’re working 11 hour shifts sometimes you just need to get away during your lunch break (hence the word ‘break’). I’m not a doctor or a nurse and I sure as hell don’t get paid like one (um, some of you wouldn’t get out of bed for $11.50 per hour, right?) So I want my mf*ing lunch break.
• Privacy–I have doctors appointments more than most people, and I’m sure there will be times when I need to go to the doctor and these people are going to roll their eyes and look at me funny. I mean, these peeps don’t take lunch. And when people who work there need a doctor, they see our doctors. So how am I going to keep my medical information/history private??? FML.
• Travel–Mr. MLACS finally has a schedule where he gets time off! For the first time in our relationship! I want to go places with him. This clinic works with a skeleton crew and the only way people get time off is if other people are working overtime for them.
• Socio-economic status–Ok, this is a tough one but I’m just gonna put it out there. I have nothing in-common with my immediate coworkers. They work at this job because they need the money, because they are an integral part of providing for their households. I have to downplay my situation in order to “fit in” with the other office staff (it’s always this way in every medical office I’ve worked in). It’s a conscious effort I make not to mention certain things so I “blend”. I’m proud of the fact that I work because I want to–I think that says something about my character–but it would be arrogant for me to share this with my coworkers. I don’t get any satisfaction from having more than someone else and I take care not to gloat–I despise people who parade their good fortune (and most of the time people who act like that are full of sh*t anyways). I can’t wait until I’m in a position (such as a nurse) where I mingle with coworkers who are in similar situations as myself so I don’t have to feel like such a schmuck.

My choices as I see them:

1. Quit this job immediately so they don’t waste any time training me and I don’t miss any time with Mr. MLACS when he’s home for the next 2 weeks (not my fav option because I’d like to make a couple paychecks at least).
2. Wait until I find another job (go find another job!) and then quit this job
3. Wait until I’ve reached a pregnancy milestone, such as a positive HPT or graduation from first trimester, then quit so I can just rest and focus on my health/safety (staying away from sick people).
4. Quit and just do charity work to stay busy (until I return to school) and don’t worry about making an income.

Any other options that you suggest I am willing to entertain, if you feel like putting yourself in my shoes and dishing advice. There’s just SO MUCH to consider and I’m overwhelmed and not prepared to make a decision. I don’t want to ‘screw over’ the clinic and work just long enough to entertain myself and line my pockets, but on the other hand a friend pointed out to me that the clinic wouldn’t think twice about acting upon it’s own interests, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about acting in my own interests. I am perplexed.