10dpo, 11dpiui Update

I don’t have much to report, but I figured I’d update you guys because I get frustrated when others of you go for treatments and then don’t update in the tww. I definitely have symptoms but I’m not going to post about them unless I get a BFP, because haven’t we all done the symptom-spotting posts and then felt stupid afterwards when we got the BFN? I feel like crap at the moment, I’ll say that much, but my UC is ‘flaring’ at the moment so I don’t know how much might be attributed to that. It sucks to feel like you have to have a bowel movement, and then not be able to go, or only be able to go a little and then have a bunch of blood (yes, TMI, sorry). I blame the weather, as it flip-flopped from 70 degrees to 20 degrees in a matter of hours and has stayed very cold the last 3 days. Oh, and maybe my hormones are responsible, because I had an HCG trigger shot last week and it only just left my system yesterday at 9dpo, and each time I had a miscarriage my UC ‘flared’ afterwards so maybe it has something to do with having the HCG trigger shot and then having the HCG leave my system–I have no idea what the connection is but I believe there is one. I only wish I knew exactly what the hell inspires my colon to revolt.*Sigh*

So here’s the rundown so far:

7dpo slight positive on Walmart brand EPT (looks like an evap)

8dpo slight positive on Walmart brand EPT (looks like an evap, same as the day before)

9dpo totally negative on Walmart brand EPT

10dpo (today) negative on a FRER

All of these tests were taken with FMU and I just POAS as opposed to collecting the urine in a cup and dipping the stick.

Oh, and my ex-boyfriend, who is still a friend of mine, texted me tonight that his sister is pregnant again! He told me first before anyone else! Lucky me! No but really I’m pleased for his family to welcome another child and I only wish it was his child because I know how bad my ex wants kids and what a good dad he’ll be. But still. Here I am feeling like crap, and then I get that text. Awesome.

Oh and guess who else is having a baby?! A 20-something year old druggie prostitute, and the “sperm donor” has a girlfriend and couldn’t care less about her! Yes, this is some gossip I got from a friend of mine earlier today. Oh, and the girl already had at least one abortion that we know of. Brilliant!

Ok, I’m done being sarcastic. Really I had a pretty good day–got my Christmas cards in the mail (all 100 of them)–I hand-addressed each one last night. Hung out with some friends, shopped, and watched football. Came home and had (all natural, nitrate free) hot dogs for dinner…I just can’t stay away from the damn hotdogs. WTF. But anyways, I feel very fortunate. XO

Tic Toc Tic Toc…

So I’m 6dp HCG trigger shot, seemingly 5dpo, and I’m already sick of the tww. Here’s what:

1. I misinterpreted Dr. Angel’s suggestion to “wait until Wed or Thur to begin testing”, you see…I mistakenly thought that he meant I might have a positive HPT and be able to celebrate being pregnant! WRONG. As any of you who’ve had the HCG trigger shot probably know, it takes (on average) 8-10 days for the HCG to leave your system. So what Dr. Angel actually was telling me, was that I shouldn’t expect a negative HPT before 7-8dp trigger, because the HCG from the shot would give me a false positive.

2. Of course, I googled and found one person who said her trigger shot was gone (HPT negative) by 6dp trigger. So of course, I used wasted a FRER yesterday at 5dp trigger, and got two solid lines–albeit, the second line wasn’t too dark so I hopefully will test negative by Thursday (8dp trigger). It feels counter-intuitive to be disappointed about a positive HPT *shudders* but I’m shakin’ it off.

3. I could definitely tell the HCG and Progesterone (from ovulation–no supps yet) have been in my system the last few days–I’ve been SO f*ing thirsty. My boobs are so sore I scared my cat by yelping when he put his paw on me and I also yelped when I hugged Mr. MLACS this morning. I’ve been having (my usual) “crazy pregnancy dreams”. But most of all, I’ve been craving crazy weird sh*t that I rarely ever eat: hotdogs and soda. I’ve eaten 5 hotdogs and 1 polish sausage in the last 3 days–and plenty of leftover ham and cheesy potatoes from Thanksgiving. I’ve also craved processed meat in my other pregnancies. So how ironic is it that pregnancy hormones make me crave the most unhealthiest things I can possibly eat???

4. I never told you this, but a couple weeks ago I went out and spent way too much money at the “hippie granola grocery store” and bought whey protein isolate, power greens powder, and frozen fruit to make “pregnancy smoothies”–which I’ve seen other people mention on their blogs. I wanted to crowd nutrients into my body and glow. And I was doing ok with drinking one smoothie a day. But now I have no room in my diet for healthy food, because I’m too busy inhaling nitrates. FAIL.

5. I’m really unhappy for some of my other friends in the blogosphere who’ve been grieving miscarriages, threatened miscarriages, and failed IVF attempts. I’m so very, very sad for my friends who are going through (recurrent) losses right now after just celebrating your BFP’s. Failed IVF cycles are SO unfair as well. It makes it hard to dream when reality is so f*ing harsh. Big hugs to you ladies.

6. But I’m still hopeful. I’m hopeful for all of you ladies who are in the TWW. I’m hopeful for all you ladies who are preparing for your next attempts at conception. I’m hopeful for everyone that we will all, one day, one way or another, be mothers (or be at peace with living child-free).

Mr. MLACS will be leaving to go back to work abroad this week. We haven’t had the most peaceful past couple of weeks. In fact, the first week was all prep for the IUI and then this weekend we fought like cats and dogs over the dumbest sh*t. But I’ll miss him when he’s gone. I do plan on making him help me put Christmas lights up before he leaves. I do not feel prepared for Christmas. Can you guess why? Well I’ll tell you: I am COMPLETELY consumed with my TWW. And until I know exactly what is happening in my uterus, I will hear no bells ringing or carolers singing. Instead I’ll be over here trying to resist the urge to buy more hotdogs and googling pregnancy crap. I’m useless right now. XO