Gobble Gobble (I’m Basted)!

turkey baster

It occurred to me how timely it is that I got “turkey basted” just in time for Thanksgiving…

Here’s the last 2 days events:

Yesterday (Tuesday):

  1. Saw Dr. Angel yesterday morning for dildocam monitoring and was happy to see that my follies measured ’21’ and ‘19.5’ and my uterine lining is circa ’12’. Got the HCG trigger shot!!!
  2. Came home yesterday after seeing Dr. Angel and tossed around the idea of having sex (against doctor’s advice)…finally Mr. MLACS was like “Screw it, we ARE DOING THIS”, and so we did “it”.
  3. We ate at Gordon Biersch and went to go see “Hunger Games: Catching Fire” at a badass movie theater with leather reclining seats–first ‘date night’ in a month!
  4. On our way home I just felt awful–headache, bloating, my Ulcerative Colitis was ‘flaring’ pretty hardcore…I’m thinking at least part of this is due to the HCG trigger shot (do you think so?). And of course, I still have my head cold–I look like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

Today (Wednesday):

  1. Woke up at 7am (even though I had intended to sleep in a little) when Mr. MLACS had to get up to go give his “sample”–he went without me but I couldn’t fall back to sleep!
  2. Mr. MLACS came home after giving his sample and picked me up (while the sperm was being ‘processed’) and then we went back to the fertility clinic to pick up the sample. (The reason we had to pick it up is because we were doing the IUI with my OBGYN, Dr. Angel, but had to have the sperm processed in the fertility clinic at our local University Hospital, then retrieve it and take it to Dr. Angel’s office.
  3. Sperm Stats**Total Count: 412 million  Post Wash: 160 million (80% motility) Final Specimen: 51 million (100% motility)
  4. My Husband is the biggest Cock-A-Doodle…literally…he’s SO proud of his sperm he’s strutting down the street practically crowing like a rooster *eye roll* But I will say that I find him entertaining when he’s like this.
  5. Dr. Angel’s office wasted no time getting us in a room and Dr. Angel almost walked in on me sans sheet and “naked-from-the-waist-down” (I have heard this phrase no less than 20 times this month, and not from my husband). Dr. Angel made quick work of the insemination and left me to “marinate” for 20 minutes while Mr. MLACS acted giddy and poked fun at me while I was in a compromised position. Again, I want to smack him when he’s obnoxious BUT I can’t help but laugh.
  6. After 20 minutes Dr. Angel ushered us to the “dildocam theater”, where we were able to admire my 2 lovely follies, which had grown to 21.5 and 21, and my uterine lining was still  a plush 12. Needless to say, Dr. Angel, Myself, and Mr. MLACS were practically high-fiving and congratulating each other on our jobs well done. I have to add, Dr. Angel was in rare form today and made us laugh with stories about his residency and some of his colleagues (who are batsh*t crazy btw). I giggled the whole time we were in the office! I just LOVE me some Dr. Angel. Seriously.
  7. Dr. Angel instructed us to go home and have plenty of sex, but what really happened is I went to make a bank deposit and buy some probiotics in hopes of pacifying my vagina and colon (Thanks Emily), and while I was gone Mr. MLACS passed out on the couch and now he’s snoring while I’m blogging–there is no ‘sexing’ going on. Oh but I promise you that we will get a session in the next couple of hours, even though I think our bases are covered between yesterday’s sex and today’s ‘basting’.

So that’s all for now folks. I have to wake up at fuggin’ 6:00 in the morning and page Dr. Angel (lest he may be delivering a baby or whatevs) and meet him at his office at 6:30am for a dildocam appointment to see if I did ovulate. I freaking hope this works! Then, I will go straight to my family’s house and prep the turkey and put that sucker in the oven–and pray that I get a nap in before dinner. Mr. MLACS (and me, sort of) are optimistic…last night while we were waiting to be seated at the movie theater he was googling strollers…it’s SO adorable…please God let this work so I don’t have to see his face crumple like a little kid who just found out Santa Claus isn’t real (again). Amen.

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING LADIES!

XOXO

 

Oh My Heavens It’s SO BIG!

I feel absolutely INSANE.

I finally saw Dr. Angel yesterday afternoon (after “Super Soul Sunday”) and I warned him that I might start crying and if I did then he should understand that he’s not hurting me, I am just crazy, and it’s not his fault–so please don’t take it personally. And he smiled and told me that this was only the beginning and the hormones will get worse on the Bravelle. FML. And then he looked at my ovaries with the dildocam. Left ovary had two juicy follicles he measured (no idea what the measurements are in “infertility speak” cuz e’rybody always talks about triggering when their dominant follicles are “over 15”, etc. and I didn’t ask him to convert his measurements for me). And the right ovary had one juicy follicle but it was oddly shaped and appeared to have something protruding into it…Dr. Angel said, quote, “It may be a hemorrhagic cyst or something.” No mf*ing clue what “or something” may be. I remembered to bring the drugs and paraphernalia with me, expecting that Dr. Angel would teach me how to do the Bravelle shots. But he flipped the script on me and said he’d like for me to begin Bravelle tomorrow (today) so that he can see, quote, “If those follicles are leftover from the last cycle or if they are from this cycle.” I asked him how he would be able to tell and he said, quote, “If the follicles are new, then they should increase in size, but if they are old then they probably won’t.” Well, ok then. He offered to keep my Bravelle and accoutrements at his office, and I was glad because that’s one less thing for me to worry about. And I left, went home, and took my last Femara tablet.

I returned to Dr. Angel’s office today to have another US and (finally) get my first Bravelle shot. I gotta ask you guys, have you ever sat in a chair in the OBGYN or RE’s office that raises you up and tips you back so that you’re practically upside down and your lady parts are in the air at eye-level with your practitioner? The ultrasounds yesterday and today were my first experiences with this fancy chair, and I don’t hate it but it’s weird as hell, don’t you think? Just sayin’. So anyways, Dr. Angel first looks at my left ovary and measures the 2 follicles from yesterday, and I notice they have grown–hooray, they are “new”! And then…he looked at my right ovary…and WTF??? The potential ‘hemorrhagic cyst’ from yesterday that had been about the same size as the other two follicles now seemed to be taking up my entire f*ing ovary! I was like…”Um…is that seriously the follicle from yesterday?!” And he didn’t say much, he was just clicking away taking measurements and he even made a 3D color image of my ovary to get a better look. I was like, “Whoa dude, this looks bad, is it bad??” And he was like, “Nah, it looks like a hemorrhagic cyst”. And I was like “But from what I’ve read about other people’s cycles, the cycles get canceled when they have a cyst! Is this cyst gonna mess up my cycle?” And he was like, “No it won’t cancel your cycle.” And I was like “Cool–my right ovary can be delinquent as long as my left ovary is still in the game.” But really, I’m like, what the hell is wrong with my ovary??? I’m over here wondering if my Remicade + Clomid cycles have given me ovarian cancer or some sh*t. And when I think I might have ovarian cancer, the first thing that pops into my mind is “Please Lord, let Dr. Angel ignore my ovarian cancer and let me get pregnant and have a baby before I die, Amen.” I am such a whack job.

Then, it was FINALLY time for me to get that Bravelle shot. And all along I was thinking I would give it to myself in my stomach. But Dr. Angel is pointing at his butt saying “So you’ll want to make sure you don’t hit your sciatic nerve…” and I’m thinking…”Damn, how the hell am I s’posd to give myself a shot in my ass”…I’m flexible but this seems unrealistic/unfair. And then…I see this GIANT MF*ING NEEDLE and I’m like “Lord Jesus are you serious?! Is THAT the needle?! How big is that??!” And Dr. Angel is just showing me how to mix the Bravelle with the filler solution but I am not even paying attention because I’m too busy looking at this ridiculously HUGE needle. It’s a good thing I’m not a curious person and I hadn’t examined the contents of the box Freedom Pharmacy sent except to make sure the meds were there, cuz I might’ve changed my damn mind. I asked Dr. Angel what size needle that was, hoping that my eyes were deceiving me, but he said “23” and my face fell–it really is as big as it looks. I was still pants-less holding a sheet around me as I’m watching Dr. Angel get the shot ready, and finally it was time and I held the sheet awkwardly with one hand (so Dr. Angel had access to my buttock) and grabbed the counter with the other hand…and…it wasn’t that bad. But I’m gonna be straight with you: my ass is still sore from it. And for the record I’m not afraid of needles–been stuck countless times for bloodwork and IV’s and even had Botox on my face a few times (don’t judge me), but those needles were child’s play compared to this one. Damn. Luckily, I have to have an ultrasound every day and I’m only taking the Bravelle 75iu once a day, so I looked at Dr. Angel and said “I will seriously pay you extra if you will give me these shots.”

Can I also mention (of course I can but you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to) that my Dad has a girlfriend. Any of you out there whose Mom/Dad passed away and you’ve had to deal with your living parent dating while also dealing with the loss of your other parent? Well…it’s been rough. My sister openly HATES the girlfriend and will have NOTHING to do with her. I’ve been living away from home for most of this time so I only have to see her occasionally because she lives 2 hours away and they alternate weekends (he goes there, she comes here). I don’t like her, but I don’t hate her. However, the girlfriend has two sons and they seem to really like my Dad. And these sons have small children of their own. And…all of a sudden lately ALL my Dad talks about when he comes home from visiting the girlfriend is playing with her adorable grandchildren. Today, he even told me what he intends to get each of her grandchildren for Christmas! Can somebody PLEASE take the dagger giant syringe out of my still-beating heart?! And he fuggin’ knows exactly what I’m going through–I’ve told him everything. He’s just stupid. That is all. XO

 

Syringe to the Heart