Happy New Year!

So Christmas was lovely but it seems like forever ago because SO much has happened between Christmas and New Years.

To rewind, Mr. MLACS flew into the  nearby city and we enjoyed a weekend of holiday fun there, including seeing The Nutcracker ballet (an annual tradition) and riding on The Polar Express train.

BG is at a *magical age* and she had started ballet/tap class in the fall. She LOVED The Nutcracker this year! I loved watching her watch the performance–she was riveted. We had balcony seats close to the stage and she loved being able to see the performance and the people in the audience below us. Mr. MLACS bought her a Clara dolly and a Rat King dolly and watching the two of them pretend to fight during intermission, hearing BG squeal and giggle, and feeling LS kicking in my belly is a moment I’ll never forget. BG looked so precious in her red and navy blue plaid dress, with her little pearl necklace–she looked like a real little lady. For the record, BG looooooves to dress up! Lives for dresses, bows, jewelry and “make ups” (which are lip balms). I wore a dress and make-up to The Nutcracker but I am generally a person who loves sweat pants, or for more formal occassions, jeans. I definitely did not spark her “extra-ness” because I am super low maintinence. But I do love to watch her shine ❤

The Polar Express train was really the best. BG was excited and bouncy! She was enthralled by the performances and the characters/actors invited her to participate several times. First, she got to help turn pages as a portion of The Polar Express book was read. Then, she got to be a reindeer–they placed an antler headband on her–and march down the aisle as we sang Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. But the most precious part, was when Santa stopped to say hello to her abd give her “the first bell of Christmas”. BG thought she was supposed to tell him her Christmas list, and she was so excited to see him she could barely get the words out, so I interpreted. She asked for “Toys for baby sister, toys for me, toys for Koa and Kitty, and toys for Mommy and Daddy”. She’s so sweet and thoughtful. And taking in her good intentions and her wide-eyed innocence, Santa turned to me and said “You’re very lucky”. And I know I don’t count my blessings on this blog very often because I mostly talk about the heavy stuff, but please know that I feel profoundly blessed/fortunate/lucky and that Santa didn’t have to remind me–but I was touched.

We returned home from our adventure on Christmas Eve and I was super sick with what seemed like the flu. I felt miserable. Luckily Mr. MLACS was feeling great and he got everything put together for Christmas morning–Santa brought BG a teepee playhouse and he got her a big-girl monogrammed chair and had a matching little-girl monogrammed chair for LS (since BG was adamant that baby sister needed gifts). Mr. MLACS and I each got each other one gift from ourselves + BG. It was sweet and funny because BG had watched a cartoon (Arthur?) and the kid was REALLY excited to buy his Mom a glass bird. So BG had decided I needed a glass bird, and Mr. MLACS went to great lengths to find and purchase a glass bird. I love it because it really shows how much we all love each other. BG and I gave Mr. MLACS cologne, which is what we always gave my Dad for Christmas when I was little, and it’s weird to be “the parent” now.

BG had some unwrapped presents and a stocking from Santa, and then 9 wrapped gifts under the tree, 4 of which were from my sister and the rest from us. I know she had a wonderful Christmas and that she got plenty of great gifts. But I cannot seem to shake feeling guilty that she isn’t showered by presents and attention from our extended family. I want Christmas to be special because we spend time together and make great memories, and not because of how many presents are under the tree. I genuinely feel that we–that our precious children–are better off without toxic family members in our lives (and that includes keeping my sister at arms length, although she does have a relationship with BG). But the holidays stir up my feelings and make me wish things were different–and I second guess myself. I miss my good old friends and wish we lived closer–it would be easier to accept the severed ties with our relatives if we had “framily” to spend holidays with. But all our friends are spread out and we move too much to really create a “village”.

I had a village though, in the town we just moved from. I didn’t fully realize how much some of my girlfriends cared for me until I had to say goodbye. And I felt sad to lose them, and bad for “abandoning” them since they were clearly more invested in our friendships than I thought.

The movers came to pack on Dec. 27th, they loaded on Dec. 28th, and on Dec. 29th we bid farewell to our dream home, and all the craziness of the past 2 years. Mr. MLACS and I shed some tears for what was and for what might have been. And then we journeyed for 3 days, and celebrated NYE in our new town.

Let me close by saying 2018 was a legit roller coaster of a year, with huge ups-and-downs. I worked hard to regain my health and fitness, while navigating life as a fledgling ostomate–I did it! I even put myself out there and became the leader of a fit moms club, got my friends involved, and met new people. I dealt with my Father’s death, my Maternal Grandmother’s death, and the absolutely maddening struggle with my sister over managing our trust. I started my own LLC and did grown-up stuff like creating my own will & trust and purchasing burial plots for myself and Mr. MLACS. I paid a lot of bills. We took a beautiful trip to Hawaii. I dealt with the constant fear of losing Mr. MLACS and dealing with his health scares. I did lots of stuff with BG and she started preschool and dance classes in the fall. We sold our house, and we moved a 17+hr drive North of where we lived. I’d say the most amazing and insane plot-twist of 2018 was we got pregnant quickly and without fertility treatments–now I’m 30 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl.

2018 was very trying, but I really feel like every bit of it was filled with purpose.

I wouldn’t change a thing.



6 thoughts on “Happy New Year!

  1. The holidays certainly do stir up so many feelings and stress with family members. I’m anxious to hear all about your new town and hope you’re able to start building your new village soon!

  2. i’m so happy to have stumble across your site. I have colitis and am pregnant as well (35 weeks). This is my first pregnancy and I have so many questions in regards to being pregnant with IBD!
    is this your first pregnancy as well? have you flared at all during it? what kind of mainten medications are you currently on if any?! (not sure if you’ve already shared your story/post regarding pregnancy and IBD, but anything you can share, I’d love to read about!!) thanks 🙂

    • Hey girl! Just read and responded to your post about *the BIG surprise* and congrats!
      My first pregnancy was 4yrs ago when I *thought* I had UC (diagnosis changed to Crohn’s Colitis after 13 years, that was a bitter pill) and pregnancy put me into full remission and I had an uncomplicated vaginal birth in the hospital–I was 9 days overdue so that doc that said IBD mom’s go into labor early…don’t count on that. This is my 2nd pregnancy/first with my ileostomy. I still have my rectal stump though & it has been inflamed during this pregnancy so I’m taking Canasa suppositories–so obviously this proves that every pregnancy is different b/c I had no inflammation with my first, and both are girls. I plan to have my rectal stump removed sometime after baby/breastfeeding and making my ostomy permanent b/c I love not taking any meds and I don’t want to mess with a j-pouch as it would likely be a PIA (ha, see what I did there?). Always here to chat! XOXO

      • thanks again for sharing your story on my post and for this info as well! have you ever been on asacol? any prednisone during your first pregnancy? All the best to you and continued health for your current pregnancy. I am looking forward to following you on your journey! xo

      • Asacol was my first med and I took it for 6-7 years with great success. I’ve been on several other forms of mesalamine as well. Since my first pregnancy put me into remission I did not need any prednisone. I have inflammation in my rectal stump this time around but I’m using Canasa suppositories and since I’m 31 weeks and 99% of my colon os gone it’s unlikely I’ll get bad enough to require steroids. Saw my new GI yesterday and he point-blank said to me “I really don’t care if you bleed unless you bleed A LOT, and we’d probably just move up your protectomy (rectum removal) rather than steroids”. Which I made it clear that my goal is to NEVER take sterouds again so I’m cool with that. I was on high doses most of 2017 and it f*cked me up, took a lot to heal from it. I used Charlottes Web extra CBD oil to heal my endocrine system and it worked but it was still hell weaning off the ‘roids. XOXO

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