Survivors Guilt and The Dreaded 1st Prenatal Appointment

*Trigger Warning* for IF and RPL friends

Well, it’s been a long couple of weeks since I pee’d on that stick.

I only tested the one time, because I just didn’t want to know if things were going sideways. And I had no reason to think anything was wrong so I decided to leave well enough alone.

My neighbor friend is a “fertile” and found out she was pg with her 2nd child a few weeks ago. I was glad she told me immediately, so I had time to process the news in private. I was happy for her! But it made me wish I was pg too.

Little did I know…

So when I found out I was pg, she was one of the few people I told. I thought how great it would be, if we could do this together. But of course my thoughts turned to *unless I miscarry…*. I told my friend that due to our history of loss, we wouldn’t be sharing any news for awhile.

And then the unthinkable happened.

She went in for her first US and prenatal visit on Monday at 11 weeks, and there was no heartbeat. Measurements were all off (measuring 7 weeks). Needless to say, my friend was shocked and devastated. They scheduled a D&C for Tuesday.

I felt AWFUL. I didn’t know what to do, so I looked at my old blogger friend A Calm Persistence ‘s “What to do when your friend has a miscarriage” list. I decided to take her dinner and offer childcare and a shoulder to cry on. She took me up on all of it, and I felt a small sense of relief that I could help.

Obviously, that made me feel a lot more insecure about my first prenatal appointment today, at 6 weeks.

I won’t keep you in suspense–good news! The bean is measuring at exactly 6 weeks and has a heartrate of 121 bpm! Mr. MLACS and I were on pins and needles, and utterly relieved to get good news.

My friend had asked me to let her know how it went, so I texted her that everything looks good so far. It was very strange for me to be in this position, as I am used to being the “bad news” person. I want to be so gentle with her.

But of course, I’m thrilled! I’m nervous! I’m…already eating weird foods and popping the occassional Zofran to keep from puking (which new OBGYN said is perfectly fine).

With BG I saw Dr. Angel every week in the beginning, but this time I won’t return for several weeks, until I’m 11 weeks. So I just have to keep calm and carry on (FYI: I suck at that).

XOXO,

MLACS

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14 thoughts on “Survivors Guilt and The Dreaded 1st Prenatal Appointment

  1. I’m glad you and baby are well and healthy. Sorry about your neighbor though. That must have taken a lot of strength to go over there and help her. I remember my friend had a loss while I was pregnant with Tru and it was really really hard for me to be around her, just thinking of the grief. I totally understand the survivors guilt.

  2. Congratulations to you! I’m glad things are going well so far and I hope they continue to do so!

    As for your friend, I am so so sorry to hear about her loss. How devastating. I wish her all the best and thing it’s really great how you reaches out to support her.

    I remember that blog post from A Calm Persistence and it has served me well when my friends have experienced losses.

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your neighbor friend 😦 That’s great news about yours, though. Take care of yourself, the first trimester is so urgh.

  4. I’m so happy for you! And I understand what you’re going through with your friend. i was in exactly the same position after I finally got pregnant w/ #2 and one of my closest friends miscarried. It was so hard, but it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. And knowing that you understand what she’s going through probably helps her immensely. I’ll be thinking of you in the months ahead! xo

  5. I’m sorry to read what happened to your friend. Miscarriage can be quite taboo. When I lost my son, none of my friends knew what to say to me, even the one who miscarried herself. When a friend of mine lost theirs, despite my own loss, I found it hard to say anything. All I could do was be there.

    It’s great that you could be there for her.

    I’m happy your little one is growing and doing well. I’m praying for you and your growing family.

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