Miracles Happen

*Trigger Warning for IF and RPL ladies*

 

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My menstrual cycles have been irregular ever since my illness and surgery. What seemed especially odd and unfair is that I was *more* regular while I was sick/anemic. After surgery and weaning off steroids my body skipped periods or had 40+ day cycles. I worked hard to recover after surgery and weaning off steroids–I was really struggling mentally and physically–so I wasn’t ready to TTC. I also still have PTSD about Mr. MLACS’s health issues, and felt I couldn’t have another child unless I was fully prepared mentally/physically/financially to be a single mother to two young children. And for awhile, I was in mourning because as much as I wanted a second child, I didn’t think I could handle it on top of everything else.

But then my father passed away in March, leaving me half of my parents’ estate. This made me far more financially stable to care for BG and another child, should anything happen to Mr. MLACS. And moreover, I realized how very important it was for me to have my sister (strained/complicated as our relationship is). I also realized that *fear* was the only thing holding me back from my dream of adding to our family, and a religious friend kindly reminded me that God doesn’t want for me to live in fear–that is no way to live.

I had promised my IBD Specialist that I wouldn’t TTC until after she performed my ileoscopy in April. Her findings were that my upper GI tract was “clean” and healthy, but my rectum was/is still inflamed. Her recommendation was to have the protectomy surgery (rectum removal) ASAP, but she conceded that from a fertility perspective it is better for me to TTC and give birth prior to the protectomy. Still, she cautioned me to have the protectomy done ASAP after that. And I thought to myself ‘Lady, it could take years for me to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy’ but I just nodded at her and said “Ok”, like sure I’ll just run along and pop out a kid and then I’ll be back here in a year to permanently sew up my butthole (aka”barbie butt”). Sure….

Meanwhile, I started taking my preconception supplements and I decided to do an 8 week nutrition/workout program to lose some weight and feel my best prior to our Hawaiian vacation and my upcoming 20th highschool reunion. I tried using OPK’s but never got a positive, yet I had signs of ovulation so we TTC’d in May and *no dice*. I started my period on June 4th and went to see my OB on June 8th to ask him to help me with my fertility. He offered Clomid to help get my cycles on track–I said *hell no* to Clomid, but agreed to take Letrozole instead. I had hoped he’d let me start in June since I was only CD4, but he declined and told me to call him when I started my next cycle in July. I never once got pregnant on a medicated cycle though, so I was already starting to consider IVF.

The couple of weeks leading up to our Hawaii trip were frought with mental illness for me. Or maybe it was grief bubbling to the surface. I was morbidly depressed and anxious. It came in waves, especially at night. I was SO sad and angry. I sought out my EFT guru and had a tapping session, but I was still struggling. I felt alienated from people, unloved and unwanted. I fought through my mental illness but it was a very bad episode.

Finally, thanks to EFT, I started to feel somewhat better just before we left for Hawaii. And off we went on our island adventure on June 29th!

I went running. I walked a lot. I played on the beach with BG and Mr. MLACS and our friends. I ate lots of fish. I drank some wine and had some mai tai’s. My soul felt free and happy! It was joyous! Mr. MLACS and BG shared my state of bliss and contentment. It was just exactly what we needed.

So…my AF was due July 4th, not that that meant much since my cycles had been irregular. We had DTD June 19th and 20th because I was pretty sure I was ovulating, but I didn’t use OPK’s this time. I had not given much thought to being pregnant because it seemed so unlikely. I had Mr. MLACS pick up a couple FRER tests, mostly because I thought I might drink on the 4th of July. But then I forgot to use it. And drank half a bottle of wine.

However, I became suspicious when I woke up from a vivid nightmare early the next morning. I never have dreams/nightmares *unless my progesterone is high* like after I ovulate or when… I’m pregnant… ?

So I pee’d on a stick on July 5th and had this blazing positive appear before the control line and darker than the control line. I literally said aloud “No f*ing way!”

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I was stunned.

I still can’t believe it.

I called and had my OB send scripts for Crinone (progesterone) and Heparin (blood thinner injections) to Hawaii.

I definitely feel pregnant. Nauseous/aversions to foods, tired, thirsty, and my boobs are big and sensitive. But I’m not obsessing over every symptom/feeling like I did with BG. I am worried I will need Zofran again though (for acute nausea/vomiting) and that the OBGYN won’t give it to me b/c it’s now frowned upon in the first trimester. But I can’t puke like that with an ostomy–I’ll get too dehydrated. So I am nervous about how that will play out. First OBGYN appointment is July 18th, with a new OB because my current GYN stopped doing deliveries a few months after I established with him, much to my chagrin. So far I like the new OBGYN’s nurse, but we will see.

Can you believe it?! After EVERYTHING that has happened… it’s an absolute miracle.

Oh and for friends that read this blog (Katherine ❤) feel free to holler at me in a text or PM on social media to discuss, but keep it a secret for now please 🙏

XOXO,

MLACS

 

 

 

 

 

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41 thoughts on “Miracles Happen

  1. Oh my gosh, congrats!!!! Maybe check with the OB about a half of Unisom for morning sickness? I never heard of such a thing the first time I was pregnant, and I was on Zofran (which actually didn’t help much with throwing up anyways). The second pregnancy, the dr recommended I try Unisom first and if that didn’t help, he gave me a prescription for Zofran. I used a half Unisom pill through my whole pregnancy. The nausea was still there, but I didn’t throw up NEARLY as much as I did with my first pregnancy. Plus, you get much better sleep 😀

  2. Amazing, heartwarming news. Congratulations!!! And that is a good looking HPT, girl! Wishing you the healthy, easy pregnancy that we all deserve.

  3. Absolutely amazing news! I was on prednisone for the first trimester due to autoimmune issues and apparently a side effect is that it controls nausea… I didn’t have any morning sickness. You may not want to revisit that sin e you’ve weaned off cortisone but it is an option.

  4. Congratulations!!! Miracles do happen. 🙂 I’m so happy for you!!

    Regarding the zofran, I took it throughout my pregnancy with Zane. I also took unisom basically every single day. My ob wasn’t the least bit concerned about me using zofran. Hopefully yours won’t care either since you obviously just can’t be puking constantly.

    Best wishes!!! 🙂

    • Also Oats, I’ve read up on your blog and I see you’ve been through a lot. I lost my Mom at age 59 (diagnosed age 56) to breast cancer. I also held my maternal grandmother’s hand through breast cancer treatments in 2013–hers was stage I though and she didn’t even do chemo, just a lumpectomy and radiation/pills. I’m so happy for you that your prognosis is good!!! XOXO

  5. I teared up reading this. I never thought I could be so happy for someone I never met. After everything you went through with your health and Mr. MLACS, I’m so happy you don’t need to struggle for #2. I hope you have a happy and easy pregnancy and delivery.

  6. Ahhh! This is amazing!!! Im so so happy for you! I’m so behind! I hadn’t updated my phone in a while and couldn’t get into my WordPress app so I got completely behind on everyone’s blogs and I haven’t updated my own in over a year. So yeah. Basically, I’m a horrible blogger now. But tonight I just felt the need to update everything and here I am getting this amazing news! I read your most recent post first and then immediately traced back and read everything back to the beginning here. And wow! Just wow! I’m so so thrilled for you! I’m sorry you’re already feeling so much nausea and hope it eases up in the coming weeks as you close out the first trimester. I hope you all feel better. Sounds like you guys are all sick! And most importantly, I hope you get continued good news! When is your next appointment? You said the next appointment isn’t until 11 weeks. You must be close! I’m sending all the hope, prayers and good news vibes I have!

    ❤️❤️❤️

    P.s. I’m so very sorry to hear about your neighbor. Sending healing thoughts and hugs her way.

    • Hey girl hey!
      I miss your blogs!!! It’s so crazy–I was in shock and nervous about mc, but now I’m starting to get excited! My nausea has been better the last few days and I’m sure that has lightened my mood. It’s hard to be happy when you feel so poorly for weeks– infertility and loss prior to a difficult first trimester may make the hard days more bearable, but they still suck. Next appointment is August 22nd (11 weeks) and I’m a little nervous but so hopeful that news will be good. I think it’s a girl, but we’ll soon know for sure! XOXO

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