Daring To Dream

To recap my last post:

  1. I had the Stelara infusion a week ago and it is working–no blood in my stools and I feel better all-around.
  2. I’ve gained 10 lbs and lost a lot of hair since I started taking 6MP (mercaptopurine) a few weeks ago.

Well, I spoke to the IBD Specialist’s Nurse Practitioner via email (patient portal–so convenient) and she told me to go ahead and quit the 6MP. So I have not taken it the last 2 days and so far, so good–no blood.

Speaking of blood though, I am having my first *real* period in 6 months–it’s very heavy but not painful, just uncomfortable. It’s a good thing though, because it means my body has healed enough that it is willing to consider getting pregnant.

I was cleaning the guest bathroom yesterday and stumbled across some brown paper bags of medication, and I knew they were mine not Mr. MLACS’s, but I had to stop and think of what it was…??

And it stung me like a bee–it’s Crinone (progesterone to support a pregnancy). The Crinone I had bought and paid for back in December after I met my new OBGYN and expressed to him my desire to start TTC (trying to conceive) again. Just before all hell broke loose with my UC-turned-Crohn’s. I shelled out $300+ for this stuff, and I wonder if I will ever get to use it.

Mr. MLACS has been very flirty with me lately, and instead of feeling “blah” about it, I have felt more interested. I got a babysitter and we went on our…2nd?…date, just him and me, since BG was born (28 months ago). We went out to eat at a fun Caribbean-style restaurant–I even had half a glass of wine! I had been thinking about having a glass of wine and I finally felt good enough to try it, and I was tipsy but my liver appears to be worse for the wear. We talked about having a second baby, and we are both ready to try (Mr. MLACS is most def ready to resume our sex life).

We are actually in a much better position to TTC *now* than we were before I became ill. Before I became ill, we had no idea how we were going to get our (burnt to a crisp) dream home repaired. Our marriage was strained from the stress of moving to a place where we knew no one, our house burned down as soon as we signed the contract, and Mr. MLACS’s job was grinding him to the bone, leaving me alone with BG and to do ALL the things by myself. We were miserable. And *then* I got sick and that was the “stick that broke the camel’s back”. Things had to change, there was no trudging on the way we had been. I couldn’t. And at first everything got much, much worse. But when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up… So things have been steadily improving. Most importantly, our trials have made our marriage stronger. Well that, and I am not afraid of being unable to parent BG through a pregnancy and another baby, because I managed to do it through my illness. Plus, Mr. MLACS really stepped up and now him and BG are very close–she doesn’t need me as much. If you recall, he was away for work most of the first 18 months of her life, so we were all used to me being the primary caregiver, even when Mr. MLACS was home. But when I got sick, he had to take over and that was actually a good thing, because they have a very strong bond now.

So there are silver linings to my illness–we are stronger as a couple and as a family. We have had time to settle our affairs and we are going to move into our new home soon–we are finally out of the stress and the depression/funk we had in the wake of our house burning down. Mr. MLACS’s job has become a much less toxic place and new management is very “pro-family”, so he is home on time a lot more and a lot less stressed.

We are in a good place to have a baby.

I just have to wean off the prednisone before we can try. I’m going to drop from 32.5mg to 30mg tomorrow. I can’t imagine that my weaning will go completely smoothly–I’ll probably have to hold several weeks at various doses, pending my symptoms. But I am daring to dream that the Stelara will quell my immune system and allow me to wean off the prednisone, given patience and time.

Assuming I can straighten myself out, then we’ll *just* have to work on getting pregnant (ha ha ha ha ha–because it was SO easy–it *only* took 6 IUI’s to conceive BG).

I mean, everybody’s gotta have a dream, right?




10 thoughts on “Daring To Dream

  1. I’m so happy for you! Such an answer to prayer that things are looking up for you now. πŸ™‚ You were on my mind a lot for awhile just hoping and praying you would get through this huge illness and be feeling good again. I’m glad that you are. πŸ™‚

  2. I’m so happy you’re starting to feel much better and to , gasp, have a period! Congratulations!! And I’m so happy you and your hubby seem to be on the same page again and looking towards the next chapter in your lives ❀️❀️

  3. I cannot help but smile that you are healthy enough to be thinking of your future again, and not just trying to get through the day. I so hope you can weave off prednisone without any significant challenges along the way! πŸ™‚

  4. Wow, your house burnt down? That’s crazy! I’m so glad to hear about the other positive updates. So glad you and hubby had a nice date night! You wouldn’t need to wean off prednisolone completely before TTCing. I was on a 15mg dosage during IVF and I won’t be completely off it till week 13. I know other women on higher doses during IVF too. So a certain amount must be ok in pregnancy. Definitely only reduce it very gradually anyway. Best of luck with the TTCing! xx

    • Eeeek! Ok so from this I realized that 1. I haven’t read your blog most recently (I so wish you were on wordpress) so I went and signed up to follow you via email! 2. You must be pregnant! And indeed I read your blog posts and CONGRATULATIONS! Yes, I can take low-dose prednisone in the first trimester and it shouldn’t cause birth defects. So maybe I will TTC after I wean further… but on the other hand I do worry that I would “flare” at those lower doses and put myself in a bad position of havibg to take prednisone throughout my pregnancy, so it would be reassuring to wean prior to pregnancy–to know I’m no longer “steroid dependent”. We’ll see. But I’m so happy for you!!! XOXO

      • Aw thanks! It’s amazing! I had started to prepare myself for the alternative (IVF not working again) and it feels so surreal that I actually could be pregnant! πŸ™‚ I’m 10 weeks now. Can’t wait to make it safely to 12 weeks please God! But so far so good, baby growing well.
        Ah, I see what you mean about the steroids, that makes sense then. Thanks again xx

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s