Is Everybody Pregnant?!

From my facebook newsfeed, it would appear that everyone is expecting.

Now pregnancy announcements don’t usually phase me much since I’ve been blessed with my BG. Sometimes I feel a small pang of jealousy, but I never brood over them (like I used to during my RPL and IF days).

I mean, I couldn’t even fathom having another baby until BG was about 18 months old. So why would I be concerned about how others are growing their families? I wasn’t.

But then today…there was a *surprise* pregnancy announcement…

This friend was married maybe a month after Mr. MLACS and I were married. She had two children and said she was done. She even chided me over the summer, “Don’t wait too long to have another one! If you don’t have another by the time BG is three years old then you won’t want to!” For whatever reason, those words stuck with me.

But guess what?!

She’s pregnant with baby #3 and due in August!


Now that I want to be pregnant but am ill-advised to try until my disease is under control…I felt it. A mixture of panic/confusion/jealousy/melancholy, and most of all–resentment–because it took me by surprise.

I think in IF/RPL, sometimes it feels like we are playing “musical chairs” and there are only so many babies to be awarded–we can’t all ‘win’. And I was in the game, circling, waiting for the music to stop, ready to claim my chair…

And this chick came out of nowhere and snatched MY m*therf*cking chair!

Does anybody feel me? It’s irrational to think and feel this way but I cannot be the only one, right???

In other news, CVS specialty pharmacy is taking their sweetass time getting back to me to arrange payment and delivery of Humira. I’ve called every day for the last 3 days. They made a note in my chart to “expedite”, but clearly no one gives a f*ck that I desperately need this medication. CVS specialty pharmacy gives me attitude and they sound condescending, as though I am being unreasonable to expect to receive my medication within a couple days of ordering it. They keep telling me that the time frame from when they approve the prior authorization to when I receive the medication is normally a week.

But my nurses, both my Humira Nurse and my former “unicorn” GI Nurse, have both said it shouldn’t take that long. So I am going to call CVS specialty pharmacy today and ask for a f*cking manager.

Fuck you, CVS Caremark.

F-U-C-K   Y-O-U!




13 thoughts on “Is Everybody Pregnant?!

  1. You’re not alone in your feelings. I still get jealous, even a bit angry hearing that my friends are expecting. I know it’s irrational. But I guess because I want another and I don’t know how/when/if that will happen, I get a panicky and sick feeling hearing that my friends are moving forward again while I’m feeling very stuck again.

    Sorry your pharmacy is taking so long to get back with you. That’s ridiculous!

    • Yes–“stuck” is a good way to describe it!
      I called CVS and read them the riot act, was on hold for 45 minutes while BG whined and tried to talk over me–BUT it worked because meds are scheduled to arrive tomorrow! XO

    • I did ask, and I was on hold for 45 minutes, which is completely unacceptable. But finally they put me through to someone who could and *would* help me get my Humira. It’s scheduled to arrive tomorrow! I donvt think my Humira nurse works on Saturdays so I left a message asking if I could just watch a youtube tutorial and jab myself. Waiting to hear back. XO

    • For the record, I always found it very irritating when IF/RPL bloggers would whine about troubles TTC baby #2, when I didn’t even have baby #1 yet. Believe me, my friend, that if I had a choice, I would make sure every would-be mother’s arms were full before I dared ask God to bless me a 2nd time. You deserve it. ❤ XO

  2. I think we all totally understand this. Luckily there is not a finite number of babies but still. I think the feeling gets worse the longer you have to wait for the elusive next baby. Hoping your journey gets a bit easier soon. Xo

  3. I hope you were able to talk with a manager yesterday and get the medication figured out – praying you have it now or very soon. I’m sorry you’re still dealing with that! Also, I think it’s completely understandable to feel those feelings of jealousy, even though it’s number 2 and you might feel guilty about it – don’t. You have an illness that is causing so many issues right now at the same time you were finally emotionally ready to try again, and you want a sibling for BG. That’s a big deal! Sometimes when I’m feeling jealous, I remind myself that there’s a reason for that feeling and underneath it, there’s sadness that I need to let out. It’s okay to be sad, even if you don’t feel logical about it. Hopefully I’m not just sounding like a blubbering idiot, I just wanted to give my support and hope you feel safe to share your feelings in this community – you never need to justify yourself. XOXO

    • Hey lady! Thank you for checking in on me. I made a big stink over the phone yesterday and got them to overnight my Humira so I could start today–so I got it! And it was kind of a sh*tshow, but with Mr. MLACS’s help I managed to take the 4 injections I needed to take. I can already tell a difference in how I feel, but I still have a long ways to go before I’ll know if I can 1. Achieve remission, and, 2. Stay in remission. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers ❤ XOCO

  4. I have three kids (but want at least one more) and still get intense pangs of jealousy/sadness/bitterness/etc when I see/hear a pregnancy announcement. I hope once I and most of my peers are in menopause those feelings will dissipate, but I fear that my past trials may mean that I am always affected by this kind of news, no matter how old I get or how many kids I have. :/

    • I think it’s because of all the heartbreak of IF/RPL. Every time you see a pregnancy announcement you flash back to yourself crying on the bathroom floor holding a negative FRER and wondering how much more you can take. I hope to see an announcement from you in the near future! I won’t hate, promise ❤

  5. Ugh I feel you. I remember seeing people on their third (even one person on their fourth!) pregnancy and thinking they were being greedy mother f’ers! Haha. Even now when I see pictures of their smiling kids on Facebook I feel a pang – I have four too, except three are gone. They don’t know that but it would still hurt. It’s okay to feel that way – we are all only human.

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