From my facebook newsfeed, it would appear that everyone is expecting.
Now pregnancy announcements don’t usually phase me much since I’ve been blessed with my BG. Sometimes I feel a small pang of jealousy, but I never brood over them (like I used to during my RPL and IF days).
I mean, I couldn’t even fathom having another baby until BG was about 18 months old. So why would I be concerned about how others are growing their families? I wasn’t.
But then today…there was a *surprise* pregnancy announcement…
This friend was married maybe a month after Mr. MLACS and I were married. She had two children and said she was done. She even chided me over the summer, “Don’t wait too long to have another one! If you don’t have another by the time BG is three years old then you won’t want to!” For whatever reason, those words stuck with me.
But guess what?!
She’s pregnant with baby #3 and due in August!
Now that I want to be pregnant but am ill-advised to try until my disease is under control…I felt it. A mixture of panic/confusion/jealousy/melancholy, and most of all–resentment–because it took me by surprise.
I think in IF/RPL, sometimes it feels like we are playing “musical chairs” and there are only so many babies to be awarded–we can’t all ‘win’. And I was in the game, circling, waiting for the music to stop, ready to claim my chair…
And this chick came out of nowhere and snatched MY m*therf*cking chair!
Does anybody feel me? It’s irrational to think and feel this way but I cannot be the only one, right???
In other news, CVS specialty pharmacy is taking their sweetass time getting back to me to arrange payment and delivery of Humira. I’ve called every day for the last 3 days. They made a note in my chart to “expedite”, but clearly no one gives a f*ck that I desperately need this medication. CVS specialty pharmacy gives me attitude and they sound condescending, as though I am being unreasonable to expect to receive my medication within a couple days of ordering it. They keep telling me that the time frame from when they approve the prior authorization to when I receive the medication is normally a week.
But my nurses, both my Humira Nurse and my former “unicorn” GI Nurse, have both said it shouldn’t take that long. So I am going to call CVS specialty pharmacy today and ask for a f*cking manager.
Fuck you, CVS Caremark.