I put BG to bed and walked outside to find Mr. MLACS…SMOKING A CIGARETTE.
This is basically the worst thing he can possibly do, as a morbidly obese cardio myopathy patient *with* veinous insufficiency.
I had flashbacks to the phone call telling us he needed to be admitted–Mr. MLACS broke down in the middle of Chipotle and my terrified pregnant ass had to keep it together. I remember sleeping in his hospital room at 32 weeks pregnant–terrified of losing my husband and raising my baby alone. And worrying about his fragile health was a huge source of anxiety for me and fueled my PPA.
How can he DO THIS to me?
Moreover, to HIS DAUGHTER?!!
It’s a HUGE betrayal and I’m beyond disgusted. You all know how hard I’ve been trying to help him get healthy. And I can’t even consider TTC until I feel like he’s taken responsibility for his health.
He swears it was only this week. But how can I trust him? And WHY NOW? It’s been nearly 3 years since he quit smoking and we’ve been through much worse, so it doesn’t make sense that he’d buckle under pressure now.
Has he been lying to me all this time??
He was the ONE person I thought I could count on.
And here I am, jumping through hoops to better my health, taking all these fertility supplements and feeling guilty for not starting Whole30 this month…
I just feel so… hopeless.
What do I do you guys? I don’t even know anymore.