I Caught Him Smoking

I put BG to bed and walked outside to find Mr. MLACS…SMOKING A CIGARETTE.

This is basically the worst thing he can possibly do, as a morbidly obese cardio myopathy patient *with* veinous insufficiency.

I had flashbacks to the phone call telling us he needed to be admitted–Mr. MLACS broke down in the middle of Chipotle and my terrified pregnant ass had to keep it together. I remember sleeping in his hospital room at 32 weeks pregnant–terrified of losing my husband and raising my baby alone. And worrying about his fragile health was a huge source of anxiety for me and fueled my PPA.

How can he DO THIS to me?

Moreover, to HIS DAUGHTER?!!

It’s a HUGE betrayal and I’m beyond disgusted. You all know how hard I’ve been trying to help him get healthy. And I can’t even consider TTC until I feel like he’s taken responsibility for his health.

He swears it was only this week. But how can I trust him? And WHY NOW? It’s been nearly 3 years since he quit smoking and we’ve been through much worse, so it doesn’t make sense that he’d buckle under pressure now.

Has he been lying to me all this time??

He was the ONE person I thought I could count on.

And here I am, jumping through hoops to better my health, taking all these fertility supplements and feeling guilty for not starting Whole30 this month…

I just feel so… hopeless.

What do I do you guys? I don’t even know anymore.







23 thoughts on “I Caught Him Smoking

  1. Hey doll. Honestly I’d prolly tell him that you need to sit down and talk. Preferably after you’ve had some time to process your initial reaction. Then I’d be point blank and bullet point the issues. Short and sweet cause the man already knows what he’s doing to himself. But I’d also ask what changed. Is he feeding off of your stress? There has to be a reason otherwise he wouldn’t have opted to smoke. Sending So much chocolate and other shit to you, lady. This is the worst!

    • Well we talked and he said he’s stressed from being overworked and exhausted and he “needed an outlet” since he hasn’t been able to get to the gym. I still don’t get it–he’s been in these high pressure situations before and *to my knowledge* didn’t smoke. I want to believe this was just a recent slip-up but I’m not sure. It’s bad because I *caught* him, instead of him being honest and admitting, “I have smoked a few cigarrettes this week and I know it’s bad and I need to stop”. *Sigh* I dunno, we’ll see. XOXO

      • I’m sorry. I can imagine that it’s wicked stressful and I totally don’t say anything about the Hubs chewing cause of his stress too. So I get it but for the love, I would hope that this isn’t the beginning of a habit. I guess that’s the scary part. What if this isn’t an isolated event but the beginning of a new norm? I have faith though that he loves you both enough that he’ll figure out a new outlet! It’ll be okay and everyone messes up…right 😉

  2. I’m sorry. I’d really guess that the stress has caught up with him this time more than the others because of the move and it sounds like lack of support from extended family/friends. That’s really scary though because of his health. Sounds like some things gotta give at work. I read your last post but didn’t get to comment on it. DH has a couple side jobs that he does in addition to working 50+ hours a week and I feel like we only see him a few hours a week… because we do. It sucks. I’m sorry you are going through this and out on your own too. It’s hard. I know.

  3. I’d be upset as well. A good part because of the health implications and also because of the sneaky smoking. Hoping he hears your concerns and takes action…for himself and to ensure he lives a long healthy life with you and BG. Sending you hugs mamma and hope you’re settling into the new home and city wonderfully

    • I’m not sure what to say as far as how this impacts our marriage and our future. I want to forget about it but I know that’s not possible, and it won’t solve anything. I’d like to do marriage counseling as soon as we can. XOXO

  4. Omg! I would be SO pissed! I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Stress or no stress, it’s a gross habit and not good that he’s putting his health in jeopardy. I hope he realizes this sooner rather than later.

      • That makes it even worse, I’m so sorry! I don’t understand when people know they need to not do something and continue to do it anyway. My dad is that way, severely overweight and continues to eat all the fricken time. He’ll be 60 next year and my husband and I both don’t think his parents or my parents will make it to 70 the way they take care of themselves.

        Back to smoking though, my mom died at 41 years old (back in 2006) from lung cancer as she was a life long smoker from a very young age. We never had a great relationship as being a mom wasn’t her #1 priority in life, but 41 is too young for someone to die because of a stupid habit.

        I don’t know how your husband rationalized it, but there isn’t a reason that’s good enough. You and your child should be #1 and that should be enough reason never to light up again!

      • Preach! You said it. There is not a good enough reason. I’m sorry about your Mom. I lost my Mom to breast/lung cancer in 2009, and she was also a heavy smoker. I am an ex-smoker but I really haven’t smoked in 5 years, and I was “in the closet” about it for several years prior to quitting. I always told my husband that he had to quit before we could have kids, because I wouldn’t do that to them. I hope he is done for good now–I told him that this is grounds for divorce, as I’ve always been clear about this being a deal breaker. But I really hope that this was just a bad judgement call and he won’t pick up the habit again. XOXO

  5. He’s probably being harder on himself than you could ever be. It’s so difficult to know the consequences of your actions but still feel the need for that crutch 😢
    I’d be so disappointed if I caught my hubby doing something so utterly irresponsible and potentially damaging, but that being said he’s an adult so what can we really do other than offer support and understanding?
    I’m sorry 😢 What an awful position to be put in.

  6. Like you I would have a very hard time with trust at this point. That said addictions are no joke and if cigarettes were a long time coping mechanism for him they’d have a hard pull. Hell I hate cigarette smoke and never was a heavy smoker – I smoked to lower my anxiety and feel less messed up after my brain injury and quit without too much trouble. Until my mom got cancer. While I was in law school. I snapped and started smoking. And even now when I’m super anxious I want a cigarette so badly. Of course I don’t do it. But it’s been well over a decade since I smoked at all and I am still drawn when the conditions that drove me to smoke arise. So… If he has lied to you all this time… Well. I have no advice in that case. But if he’s telling the truth he may need help to quit again and see how damaging this is to his family not just his own health.

    You just can’t catch a break these days. Crikey. Wish I lived closer and could bring you a pumpkin spice something.

  7. I’m so sorry to hear this! I hope it’s a phase. I smoked from age 19 to 37, not heavy , but still. Most powerful addiction, that tricky drug making you think it’s your friend. My brother was a heavy smoker and had a heart attack at age 43. He quit by vaping. Maybe also through Wellbutrin. I hope for your sake and BGs sake your husband figures out how to stop permanently! Not cool.

    • I smoked too! I know it’s hard to quit. I would have quit a long time ago but it actually *helps* my Ulcerative Colitis, and I was working in bars until I met Mr. MLACS so I kept “closet smoking” for years, even though I hated it. He just can’t do it. He just HAS to quit. Or I will kill him before the cigarrettes do! XOXO

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