I tried to write a post about my PPA yesterday, and I don’t think I articulated myself very well. I got a comment from a new reader that gilted me, and I was upset. But in retrospect, the post was confusing and I don’t think this person meant any harm.
However, I took the post down.
I realize that this is not a safe or productive space to discuss my PPA while I’m going through it. It’s best left to my therapist and (hopefully soon) a support group of other women with PPA/PPD/PPOCD. I realize I do not have the right words to convey what it is to live with PPA. It’s an exercise in futility at this point.
Rest assured, I am fully functional and my daughter hasn’t suffered at all. I am happy and engaged with her while we eat, play, and explore each day. We are social and have playdates a couple times per week. I “suck it up” and do things I’m supposed to do (go places, do things) even when my anxiety screams at me to retreat. The only semi-oddball thing about my parenting is that I haven’t really left BG at all, but that is a parenting style (AP) and while unusual it is not unhealthy (Dr. Sears advocates).
But in reference to the title of this post–I can’t explain PPA. It’s like infertility. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and it’s very lonely. I wish I could articulate it, but I tried and failed. So in summary: