Hey, so I’m stuck in a room (one I don’t like) in L&D waiting for an US…it’s been *4 hours* since I arrived here for a perfunctory NST (non-stress test). The test went great *I thought* as she was doing cartwheels–Mr. MLACS and I giggled as we watched my belly jump and wiggle while listening to the “Thunk!” sound of her kicking the monitors–it was delightful! I was patting myself on the back for the small (rare) cup of coffee I had with breakfast. But then they said they needed her to slow down. So we waited…and waited…and her heart rate fell about 10 BPM, and the nurses said they just needed to see a couple 15 second increases (to define her baseline). And after 2+ hours (and several pee breaks) I was *DONE*. Then they tell me that since baby failed to meet their very specific criteria, that Dr. Angel ordered an US…now here we are, 4.5 hours after arrival, waiting on “transport” to come pick me up and take me for the US. (P.S. did I mention I hate the room we are in? The feng shui must be off because it feels awful).
Oh but it gets better…
Right after I found out about the US, Mr. MLACS’s cardiologist’s nurse called to inform us that his ECG (ultrasound of his heart) showed only *marginal improvement* so the doctor *did NOT* clear him to return to work this week… And we were both caught off-guard because he’s been giving 110% to his health and wellness and he looks and feels exponentially better…so WTF? It’s bewildering and inspires panic because we were so sure he’d “bounce” back from his health crises and we are ready to move on from it…but just like so many things (Infertility) we realize we can only do our best, but ultimately we have *no control*.
And I just feel like throwing a huge temper tantrum…
But I’ll tell you what I told him. I whipped out my coaching mantra from my bodybuilding/personal training days:
“Here is where the winners are born. When you’ve given it your 110% *everything you’ve got* and you don’t get the results you want when you want them–that’s when average people quit. Like those “New Years resolution” people that crowd the gym in January. When they don’t get instant results/gratification, they quit. But the people who WIN are the people who don’t give up, even when they’ve been dieting like a champ and only lost 5lbs in a month. It’s frustrating. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and you don’t give up until you get there.”
And dammit, we are GOING to get there.