36 Weeks *Update Part 1: Monday Can SUCK IT*

Hey, so I’m stuck in a room (one I don’t like) in L&D waiting for an US…it’s been *4 hours* since I arrived here for a perfunctory NST (non-stress test). The test went great *I thought* as she was doing cartwheels–Mr. MLACS and I giggled as we watched my belly jump and wiggle while listening to the “Thunk!” sound of her kicking the monitors–it was delightful! I was patting myself on the back for the small (rare) cup of coffee I had with breakfast. But then they said they needed her to slow down. So we waited…and waited…and her heart rate fell about 10 BPM, and the nurses said they just needed to see a couple 15 second increases (to define her baseline). And after 2+ hours (and several pee breaks) I was *DONE*. Then they tell me that since baby failed to meet their very specific criteria, that Dr. Angel ordered an US…now here we are, 4.5 hours after arrival, waiting on “transport” to come pick me up and take me for the US. (P.S. did I mention I hate the room we are in? The feng shui must be off because it feels awful).

Oh but it gets better…

Right after I found out about the US, Mr. MLACS’s cardiologist’s nurse called to inform us that his ECG (ultrasound of his heart) showed only *marginal improvement* so the doctor *did NOT* clear him to return to work this week… And we were both caught off-guard because he’s been giving 110% to his health and wellness and he looks and feels exponentially better…so WTF? It’s bewildering and inspires panic because we were so sure he’d “bounce” back from his health crises and we are ready to move on from it…but just like so many things (Infertility) we realize we can only do our best, but ultimately we have *no control*.

And I just feel like throwing a huge temper tantrum…

But I’ll tell you what I told him. I whipped out my coaching mantra from my bodybuilding/personal training days:

“Here is where the winners are born. When you’ve given it your 110% *everything you’ve got* and you don’t get the results you want when you want them–that’s when average people quit. Like those “New Years resolution” people that crowd the gym in January. When they don’t get instant results/gratification, they quit. But the people who WIN are the people who don’t give up, even when they’ve been dieting like a champ and only lost 5lbs in a month. It’s frustrating. But anything worth having is worth fighting for, and you don’t give up until you get there.”

And dammit, we are GOING to get there.



8 thoughts on “36 Weeks *Update Part 1: Monday Can SUCK IT*

  1. You are going to get there!! I fully believe you will!!
    I hope baby is doing good, and am sending you all positive thoughts and love.
    And thank you for sharing your coaching mantra – I needed that right now!! As I read it, I could almost hear you saying it to me and pushing me to pick myself up and keep going!

  2. Thinking of you and Mr. MLACS. I know it’s hard. The heart is a complicated organ and takes time. Thankfully with your attitude and support Mr. MLACS has the kind of support he will need to succeed as you suggest. You’re a great team. Hang in there.

    Sorry about the bad fend shui room. I truly hope the ultrasound was reassuring and it is smooth sailing from here to your daughter’s birth.

  3. I always say treat the patient, not the numbers. Even if things didn’t look remarkably better for the man, he feels better and so he’s on the right track. It takes time. And I hope the U/s went fine! Sending lots of happy thoughts and shit!

  4. Dang girl! You have had quite the day! I am hoping everything with you and baby are good and that things get better for the hubs! I loved your coaching mantra cause I needed it today! xoxoxo

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