Double Digits (double entendre)

**Pregnancy mentioned. Also, TMI**

So we’ll start with the good stuff, I’m into the *double digits* 10w1d today, and that’s kind of a big deal. I went in for an US nearly a week ago at 9w2d, and I wanted to tell you guys about it but for some reason I waited. I also had my blood drawn for ALL the tests. We are having the MaterniT21 test done (or possibly some equivalent, as Doc Angel said there are others and I don’t know which he ordered).

The US looked pretty good:

Measured: 9w0d (at 9w2d gestation)

Heart Rate: 174 BPM

I was a bit disappointed that kukui measured *behind* 2 days at this US, since s/he was measuring ahead by one day at the last US. But I haven’t let it get to me too much–these things happen. Right??

Also at this appointment, I had my progesterone checked. Literally, I had been using 4-5 Endometrin suppositories *per day* and Doc Angel called on Thursday to inform me that my progesterone was still only 24.1, like, WTF dude. He decided that we should switch to Crinone 2x per day, so I picked it up on Friday and started using it 3x per day (because I am paranoidΒ and could not mentally handle going from 5x per day to 2x per day with the idea-in-mind that my progesterone is already *low*–I know you feel me.)

Good news is, Doc Angel’s nurse called me this morning and informed me that my progesterone is up to *31* with the Crinone 3x per day! Hopefully this is also an indication that the placenta is taking over and thatΒ I won’t need the progesterone support much longer. And yeah, I’m kind of grateful that I didn’t have to mess with the PIO injections. I mean c’mon, the Heparin injections 2x a day are enough already (though they are far less painful than PIO, from what I’ve observed).

And speaking of medical issues…here’s some TMI for you!

I have not been able to poop for the last couple of weeks. Last Monday I tried a fleet enema and all I got for my troubles was a paltry amount of poo and some *serious* hemorrhoids. I’ve been using Colace and/or Milk of Magnesia (milk o mag) 2x per day, every day, for a week. And still, very little was happening. I’d feel like I needed to “go”, and then strain myself trying, and for all my efforts I got little to no relief. Finally last night, I tried to “go” and it was just stuck, so I gave up and laid down to try to sleep. But I couldn’t sleep, because I felt like I had a *bowling ball* inside my rectum.

So I read about severe constipation–there’s a name for it–*Fecal Impaction*. This is when your poo is hard and dry and it just. won’t. move. And do you know what the “cure” is for this??!!!

*Digital Stimulation*

rubber gloves

Like, remove it with your mf*ing hand(s). And I’m like “Has it REALLY come to this? Do I have to yank my poop outta my butt? Seriously???” And the answer was: YES. And I just happen to have a big box of latex-free rubber gloves under my sink. Over my dead body was I going to walk into an ER and be like “So I have this poop stuck in my butt, would you mind digging that out? Thanks.” Oh hell no.

So, I sat on the toilet and *pushed* and as I did so, I stuck my fingers in my glory hole and removed the ‘fecal matter’ piece-by-piece. I think it was probably very akin to birthing, like, when a head is “crowning”. And then finally when the major blockage was removed, the rest of it just fell out. Like a brick. *Plop*

And lemme tell you, it was the most unsavory act I have ever taken part in–right up there with cutting up the cadavers in my A&P classes. But I figure, hey, eventually (when I resume classes and graduate with my ASN) I’m going to be a nurse, and if I can’t pull poop from my own butt, then how can I expect to be able to pull poop out of other people’s butts??

I hope I never ever EVER have to do that to myself ever again. I called my GI nurse and told her that I had experienced ‘fecal impaction’ and she told me to clear it with Dr. Angel, but the recommendation would be toΒ take Miralax 1-2 times per day from here on out.

Also to round out this update, I’m still taking the Zofran 2x per day, and supposedly it makes the constipation so much worse…but to see if I still needed it, I skipped it for 24 hours the other day, and I was freaking miserable–the nausea has actually gotten worse. So I’m continuing to take the Zofran.

And…if you’re still reading (and I’m sorry, btw, about the candid poop discussion) then I’ll tell you we are getting our puppy Koa on Saturday!!! Mr. MLACS gets home on Thursday, and then we’ll make the 7 hour round trip to pick up Koa on Saturday and bring him home. I’ll definitely update and post pictures of him! So we’ll end on this happy note.




64 thoughts on “Double Digits (double entendre)

  1. Yeahhhhh to puppies! And wow… that was quite the visual. Glad you are feeling um, what’s the word: free? clear? unblocked? To add to that: if you can’t pull poop out of your own butt, how are you going to do it for 1) a puppy (because yes when they eat things they aren’t supposed to it can get stuck) and 2) a baby!

  2. First of all, I could literally talk about poop for HOURS so this post was right up my ally! My cousin had trouble with constipation when she was prego with her first…unfortunately she did have to be admitted to the hospital. I am like you…i would much rather dig it out myself…which actually I have also done before πŸ™‚ So no shame!! Dig and dig away if needed πŸ™‚ xoxo

  3. As a pharmacist, I have dealt with a lot of poop discussions! The Miralax should help even when you are taking the Zofran. There is normally a good deal at Costco if you have a membership (and there is one close by) where you can get a 3 pack of the generic bottles which should each last about 7-15 days based on whether or not you use it 1 or 2 times a day. Personally, I have dealt with fecal impaction twice due to opioids – and it is enough to make me not want to take anything for pain! It is such a horrible experience!

    Congrats on the 10 weeks! Doing good!

    • Thank you so much for the suggestions! We don’t have Costco here and I don’t happen to have a Sam’s membership, so it’ll probably be Walmart. In fact, I should’ve already gone and gotten some Miralax! Putting my shoes on now… XOXO

  4. Congrats on 10 weeks!! Have a blast picking up your new puppy – because how can picking up your puppy be anything but fun?! Oh, good to hear that your survived your constipation – here’s to hoping there are no future problems that result in hospital trips. πŸ™‚

  5. Yay for your good news and baby’s good progress! I’m glad you got the Progesterone worked out. Yay for a puppy! I can’t wait to see pics. πŸ™‚

    I’m sorry to hear about the impaction. Sadly, I know what it’s like as the nausea medicine for chemo did that to me too. I hope you’re feeling better!

    • Well of course you would know–Zofran was actually invented as an anti-nausea med for people undergoing chemo! Lamesauce that you had this issue too–insult to injury! Will post pics of Koa post-haste. XOXO

    • See, the milk o mag is my sworn “go to” for constipation–I’ve tried everything and it’s usually always the best solution. Miralax is supposed to only be for colonoscopys and emergencies–not every day! Until now… XOXO

  6. After handling your own poop the puppy poop will seem like nothing. I can’t wait to see pictures when he arrives. Congrats on getting to 10 weeks x

      • I’ve been trying to write her birth story here and there, so it’s in progress! Stay tuned. Labor was exactly how you’d imagine, sucky and at times like you are taking a huge poo, but totally worth the damage to be my poor lady bits bc I got a very awesome baby out of the deal :).

  7. I talk to people about poop all day everyday at work. Did Dr. Angel said the miralax was a-okay? I feel like I should take some, but haven’t called my RE yet for the okay.

    Congratulations – on 10 weeks and pooping! haha =)

    • I tried to call Dr. Angel but didn’t get through, then I fell asleep because it was my “nap time” (lol, but seriously nap time is non-negotiable at this point). Gonna take one dose of miralax tonight (researched it & it’s stimulant free and often used during pregnancy). Will holla at Doc Angel tomorrow. All I can say is, start NOW with the stool softeners, because waiting days leads to…well, my “situation”. XOXO

      • Oh boy – well I hope he calls you back ASAP today!! Let me know what he says! I am going to ask the nurse when she calls me to day with my 2nd beta results this afternoon. {INSERT FREAKING OUT UNTIL SHE CALLS ABOUT RESULTS} aaahhh…… =)

  8. So happy everything is going so well with your baby! Yay for progesterone rising! I had that exact same poop experience and once I was finished, I was sweating and felt as if I had just given birth to a giant brick of poo. I was having contractions and everything…ahem, back there. πŸ™‚ Miralax cleared that right up!

    Yay for the puppy coming home! So excited!

  9. First, your post yesterday was amazing. I am in awe of your little facts and highly approve of those life experiences!! Second, I am more than impressed that you de-obstipated yourself. I have done so on cats and dogs…under damn good sedation. You deserve something for that, like a wine rain-check! And I am so, so stoked for your puppy!! They are always a hot mess to train but it’s way worth it!!

    • Thanks lover buns, where the heck have you been?! You’ve been quiet! I am appropriately nervous about the puppy, but I took kitty to the vet the other day and she (the vet) had her own lab puppy there, and when I met him and nuzzled his baby fine puppy hair…priceless. XOXO

  10. I plan to bypass the poop talk and go straight for the pup! Yay Koa! So excited for you guys!

    Measurements change as baby grows. My little one was ahead then behind and is a shrimp as a kid but so was I. He’s a healthy shrimp which is the important bit. Try not to worry. I really trust kukui is fine.

    • Lol, did I manage to gross you out?! Thanks for the reassurance! Also, I read your comment on the other post and I’m not surprised you’ve had some experience with the sex industry, sassy broad that you are. XOXO

      • You did. Congratulations. Not that I can’t imagine getting to that if pregnant myself (when I totally suffer from stopped up pipes) but because if I did I would be vomiting or at least dry heaving the entire time. If I’m feeling sick but can’t puke I always think of that scene in trainspotting with the swim through sh*t. Vomit follows every time.

  11. OMG this scenario – this EXACT scenario – is how things played out 4 days post-partum, in the hospital, at 3 in the morning. Kudos to you for being bold enough to share! Haha. It was like the worst two hours of my life. Everyone warns you that post c-section poops are no joke, but this experience was like, epic. At least I felt a sense of accomplishment when it was all over (and the baby slept through it. Small miracle). Totally clogged that toilet and had to get a nurse to call maintenance, which maybe should have been embarrassing, but whatever.

    I have nothing more to add, just that I’ve been there, and I feel your pain. Seriously. I hope it’s “smooth sailing” from here on out.

    • Funny you should mention it, we have lived here for almost a year and I had to run out and buy a plunger *and* miralax today (and glycerin suppositories AND fleet enemas–people were probably talking). Because I clogged the toilet. Luckily we have 2 bathrooms πŸ™‚ Thanks chicky! XO

  12. I am so happy to see this update and yay for double digits! Way to go kukui! And yes! these things happen and it means NOTHING.

    As for the poop situation. Wow! That is a craaaazy story! You poor thing! I thought I had bad constipation, but heck no! I’m seriously never going to complain about being constipated ever again! I really hope you don’t ever have to do that again either! I really hope the Miralax is working?

    Yay for finally picking up Koa! So exciting!! I can’t wait to see pics!

    Continuing to keep you and little kukui in my prayers ❀

    • Thanks so much for the reassurance about kukui’s measurements–needed that. And I honestly thought I was the *authority* on butt problems, but I now realize there are levels that I have not even reached, and hope never to attain! And yeah, I’m excited to meet Koa πŸ™‚ XOXO

      • I thought you’d appreciate that I spent, 45 mins on the toilet this morning. I had to go, but it wouldn’t come out. I was 5 minutes away from getting out the surgical gloves, when it finally all came out. Phew! I’m down 2 lbs from yesterday. Seriously, I am not complaining at all, but this part of pregnancy is so not fun! Anyway, just had to share πŸ™‚

        So glad I gave you reassurance. So happy for you and little kukui ❀

  13. Okay, I am half-laughing, half-commiserating. I haven’t gone so far as to dig poop out of my glory hole, but I recently won a constipation battle that is almost worth dining out on. (20 mins, a box under my feet, a shitload of fear that I’d never stand up again, and finally a mountain of poop that I proudly showed DH when he asked to see. He was impressed!)

    I drink loads of water and take Milk of Mag twice a week religiously. The standard dose is 30mls, but you can go up to 60 mls. Can you increase the dosage for Miralax? Also, prune juice is good. And having a box to position you in a squatting pose can be helpful too…

    • Girl, you made me laugh out loud! Thanks for that. I think from here on out things will *work* as long as I stay on a regime of stool softeners and miralax–I just let it get to the “point of no return”. I was naΓ―ve–but not anymore! XOXO

  14. Don’t worry one bit about measuring two days behind. I measured a whole week behind at one point and the last time I went to see the midwife I was measuring 3 weeks ahead! cxc

  15. Don’t you worry about measurements this early on! You might recall that my measurements in the early days were allllll over the place with variations of *four* days. Very hard to measure those little teeny tiny ones.

  16. I’ve totally been there with the fecal impaction and taking care of it myself. 😦 As “unsavory” as it was, it was also the most satisfying outcome ever. Wasn’t that a huge relief when it was all cleared out? I felt like a different person.

  17. Hello soul sister! I could have written this blog post word for word a couple weeks back! Except it didn’t work for me (too darn painful!) and I had to resort to an enema. Btw the saline enemas work well the mineral oil ones are mostly rubbish. I’ve been doing miralax once a day and two colace at bedtime every single day ever since and it’s been fine! Hope you never have to deal with this ‘crappy’ situation ever again :)) Hugs!

  18. You’re hysterical! And good on ya for taking… Matters into you’re own hands! Literally. And congrats for hitting double digits. Can’t wait to see the puppy!

  19. This is amazing. Thanks for being brave enough to put it out there. I TOLD you that Zofran was no joke. When I had this experience I didn’t go so far as to go digging but only because that thought didn’t occur to me. I ended up straining so hard I was afraid of a miscarriage. I went for an emergency scan the next day because I was totally freaked out. They said all was well. But then I did miscarry and I’m not 100% sure that episode wasn’t a factor in my loss. Not to freak you out, but be sure to avoid the point of no return moving forward so you don’t have to worry! Also I kept trying to quit the zofran and would get terribly sick without it so I feel your pain. Hope it gets better soon.

  20. This post had me howling with laughter. I have to get my sister over to this post. After her breast cancer surgery she was immensely constipated from pain meds. She kicked her husband out of the house, called in me and our other sister for help. It was a fucking project. I’m not exaggerating at all when I say it involved a few trips to the pharmacy and about 4 hours before she was able to get any relief. It still amazes me that this is one bathroom episode overshadowed her cancer. Did she need a ride to chemo? no, she was fine. A ride to radiation? Nah. But, help shitting, Yep.

    Glad you’re back to normal…

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