The *Untold* Story of IUI #6

So, I have some ‘xplaining to do…

I was feeling very depressed and *introverted* after failed IUI #5, which is one reason I didn’t blog about it. And I wasn’t planning to have this IUI #6–it was totally unmedicated and unmonitored–so it hardly seemed worth mentioning….

But let me stop babbling and give you the facts:

You recall the RE, Dr. Diet, had suggested we “take the summer off” and see him about IVF in September. Well…

I wanted to see if all the cysts leftover from failed IUI #5 were still there or dissipating, I don’t like Dr. Diet, and I missed Dr. Angel, so I asked Dr. Angel if I could come in for an ultrasound on cd16, which was a Friday. I had one follicle on my right ovary, measuring 15.5–I then proceeded to call Mr. MLACS and ask him to come home earlier than (the following) Friday because given my follicle size it looked like I would “O” maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. He was a jerk and got mad at me for asking, so I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day.

Then Mr. MLACS called on cd17 (Saturday) and suggested I fly to rural Canada (where he works)–it would cost $2,000!!! I was like “Thanks but no way dude–not for one random egg–we should save that money for IVF”. We argued some more. At least he offered.

But then I got my positive OPK the following day on cd18 (Sunday) and it became a moot point (no time to travel to Canada and wait for him to get off work to dtd).

So the only reasonable alternative was to use the last vile of frozen sperm at Dr. Diet’s office, because we had already decided that we would do any future IUI’s with Dr. Angel, and for IVF we would go to CRA clinic in Colorado–so we were planning to “fire” Dr. Diet anyways and might as well use up our ‘reserves’. By doing the “natural” IUI, I could feel like it wasn’t *another* wasted cycle, we could use up the frozen sperm, and it could save us the time & money for travel.

So I called Dr. Diet’s office early in the morning on cd19 (Monday) and told them I wanted to do an insemination that day. They obliged. I was unceremoniously inseminated by Nurse Cutie, the timer was set for 15 minutes, and I was told I could leave afterwards, no ‘goodbyes’ necessary. Like a one-night-stand.

*Normally* I would’ve gone home and laid down, exhausted from all the hormones (trigger shot).

But this time, I went and took a vigorous hour long walk in the hot sun.

Since Dr. Diet’s office doesn’t do ultrasounds to check for ovulation, I asked Dr. Angel if he would do an ultrasound to see. And a couple hours post-insemination, Dr. Angel confirmed that I had ovulated. And I thought “well then there’s a chance”.

During the TWW, I went on about my life–I didn’t exercise caution. I drank at a wedding, I worked out rigorously…the most I did was cut back to one coffee drink per day, but I’m sure I was still taking in more that the recommended amount of caffeine.

I had symptoms but I blew them off. Mr. MLACS took note and tried to point out this-and-that, and I was like “Uh huh whatever dude, just like every.other.cycle.”

But I would be lying if I told you I didn’t google ‘early pregnancy symptoms’. I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t hoping for this cycle. I googled. I hoped.

However, the very thought of seeing a single line on a FRER was enough to bring me to tears. So I did not test early…

For the first time in *15 months* I actually waited to take a test until the day after AF was due. It was great because I hadn’t told anyone about this IUI so nobody asked me about it–no pressure to POAS!

I could hardly believe it when I looked at the FRER–I haven’t seen 2 lines since last July! It has been exactly 11 months since my last miscarriage. I came out of the bathroom speechless and crying and hugged Mr. MLACS with the pee stick in my hand. It felt surreal…

My first beta @ 15dpo was 192.

My second beta @ 17dpo was 404–a doubling time of 44.7 hours.

My third beta @ 21dpo was 2,220.

Today I am 5w3d, gestationally (from LMP it would be 6w1d, but I know when I conceived)

My progesterone was on the extremely low side (11.5) so per Dr. Angel, I started taking Endometrin suppositories. My TSH was starting to creep up (from 1.1 to 2.3 at only 15dpo) and I was having symptoms so Dr. Angel increased my Synthroid from 100mcg to 150mcg.

This all feels surreal to me. I honestly could not bring myself to write about it because I am so afraid that it will go away. Plus I didn’t want to hash out my conflicted feelings of excitement vs. paranoia. The flashbacks and constant comparisons between my other pregnancies and this one–creating a mental “pro” and “con” list trying to figure out the likelihood that I will end up with a baby this time. “I’m nauseaous! That’s good!” followed by “I have muscle twitches–that happened during miscarriage #1…” It’s an all-day roller coaster of emotions. I’m trying to keep these negative thoughts and emotions at bay, and writing about them would only invite them to stay. Seriously, I even “saged” myself and my house to get rid of any negative energies. And seriously, I think it helped.

So, I’ll keep you posted from here on out, though it won’t be in my traditional “play-by-play” style. I need to take a little space and get my wits about me. Also, I’m sure a lot of my pregnant bloggers noticed I ‘unfollowed’ them. I had to, for my own sake. I still check up on them all the time. If this pregnancy goes well, then maybe I can start ‘following’ pregnant and parenting bloggers again–but not yet. And TTC ladies, I encourage you to do what’s right for you. I loathe the thought that this pregnancy announcement has caused anyone any pain, but we are infertiles and no strangers to “happy for you, sad for me”. I have been VERY sad for me, a lot more sad for me than I was happy for others–truth. And that is nothing to be ashamed of–I’m not apologizing for any bitterness or resentment I felt, and you shouldn’t either. For me, the negative feelings eventually faded away (probably around the time a blogger is entering the 2nd trimester). But pregnancy announcements, pee sticks, ultrasounds…those are all triggers for me and very hard to swallow. If you are interested in any of that stuff, I will create an option on my menu and you check it out if and when you feel like it. Also if you would like more details about IUI #6, I’ve added it to the menu.

Despite my insecurity about this pregnancy, I’m hopeful. If you are so inclined, prayers and positive energy would be appreciated. First ultrasound is tomorrow and “scared shitless” is an understatement. I WILL NOT post ultrasound pics in my newsfeed, but I will let you know the outcome.

I am shaking right now.

XOXO,

MLACS

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80 thoughts on “The *Untold* Story of IUI #6

  1. ANNNNNNND you know that I am more than excited to read this post! I have thought about you multiple times since I received your email on Monday morning because I am just in awe. Like I said in the email, I needed you to get pregnant more than you needed to get pregnant and I needed God to do it in a way that would blow the socks right off the both of us and He did. I am also in awe because for TWO weeks straight I couldn’t stop praying for you. God does answer prayers and He proved it to me through your miracle. I needed to know He heard my prayers because lately I have been wondering if they are going anywhere.

    Also, as you recall, I was praying for another girl that I couldn’t get out of my mind during those two weeks and she also announced she is pregnant. Prayer works and today God has asked me to pick two other women for Him to prove himself too. I am excited to see how this all plays out 😉 Love you girl! xo

    I want you to remember this verse as you head into your ultrasound tomorrow…

    “I will fear no bad news for my heart is steadfast trusting in the Lord.” ~Psalm 112:7

    • His will be done. But I so *hope* that His will is that I get to keep this baby. God is good either way, but my soul wants this soul to stay with me.
      To say “thank you” to you is not enough. You constantly astound me with your faith and compassion. God Bless You. XOXO

      • Well we know His will is only of good because He is only good. His plans are only to prosper and not to harm and to give a hope and future (her 29:11). Xoxoxo

  2. I’m seriously in tears right now. I’m just over the moon excited for you guys. What a beautiful story too, including the fight….just crazy how it all worked out! I hope and pray that this is it for you guys….sounds like everything is going smoothly for now. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Oh my freaking… holy crap… jeepers… wow… I could kiss you and smack you for going solo all this time but mostly just hug and kiss you with joy. You know I’ve been down and out and not myself so kind of vacant around these blogosphere parts but this post made my year. I am over the moon for you and just so, so, so relieved. You’ve been on my mind so much lately and something was telling me that there was stuff up but I didn’t want to pry or push. This is the best surprise ever. Prayers and spells and other good stuff on overdrive coming your way steady from this point forward, my lovely friend. God, I want this for you.

  4. OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! Bouncing up and down over here with joy and utter excitement for you!!!! YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!! Trust me, I know all too well those feelings of fear and comparison. I am STILL doing that. Praying for you and your little baby and hoping with all I’ve got that you’re baby will be in your arms in the next eight months or so!!!

  5. Congrats! Scared shitless is a standard response to pregnancy…try to keep it at bay so you can enjoy it. The odds are in your favour.

  6. I was wondering where you were this week! Congrats! They say it always happens when you least expect it but I hope that’s not the case for our upcoming IVF. Big hugs to you and many wishes for an uneventful pregnancy, easy birth and beautiful baby. 🙂 Btw, if we ever meet in person, I’m so bugging your hubby about how he WASN’T EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY when you conceived.

    • Lmao–I hope we do get to meet! I believe this IVF will bring your baby–you drew the cards. Remember my PF Chang’s fortunes? I believed them, it was just a matter of *when*. I freakin’ adore you. XOXO

  7. Oh hon! I’m so freaking happy reading this!!! I’m sitting at the hairdressers right now reading this from my phone and I can’t stop the tears! Happy tears!!! My hair dresser is looking at me funny, but I don’t care!

    Oh hon, I can’t believe you’ve been going through all this on your own the past few weeks, but completely understand why you did and also why you’ve needed to distance yourself. What an amazing story. I am over-the-moon and beyond happy for you! Sending you and your little one so many prayers for tomorrow. I know too well how nervous you must be, but hope you can get some sleep tonight and that everything is just perfect with your little one tomorrow!

    • You’re my inspiration–I started taking the DOR supplements on your detailed list and conceived basically naturally 2+ months later, like you did. I’m borrowing some more hope from your jar! *hugs* XOXO

      • I was just reading you IUI #6 story. It’s so hard to know for sure isn’t it, but isn’t it funny that we both conceived after we stopped the fertility meds and started the DOT supplements instead? I really think for some if us those fertility meds do more damage than good!

        I am seriously grinning like an idiot right now. I’m so so happy for you!

  8. I haven’t forgotten about the blanket. I understand if it is still early for you to think about, but hopefully in a few months you can give me a theme and color. Congratulations!

  9. This is amazing!!!! I seriously got goosebumps and started getting all teary eyed! That is such fantastic news. Congratulations! I am so excited for you. I know what you mean about comparing to previous pregnancies and I really hope that you can keep yourself away from that as much as possible. I’ve definitely had my fair share of scares so far with my pregnancy as well. I so hope that you have an amazing perfect pregnancy. I will most definitely be checking back for updates. Congrats again!!!

  10. I know we only just got to ‘know’ each other but I’ve been praying fiercely for you ever since. This post fills my heart with unspeakable happiness. I’m sending you so many hugs and lots of wonderful thoughts for baby. I hope you have a truly uneventful pregnancy and that each day makes you feel more confident and happy.

  11. CONGRATULATIONS! I admit, I stumbled across your blog one day a couple months ago while searching Dr. Google about my own infertility. I read your blog for hours that day from your very first post to current (I suffer from Crohn’s so I felt I kind of related to you). I laughed, I teared up, I felt like I knew you when I was done reading. You brought me here and I am grateful for you for that. You are an inspiration! So happy for you and praying that everything is perfect and wonderful!

    • Hey lady–I’m gonna be a fan of yours too, I was just so distraught these last couple months I wouldn’t “follow” any new bloggers because I was like “They will just get pregnant and leave me behind like everybody else”. Pathetic. But I’m gonna be there for you from now on. Thank you. XOXO

  12. I’ve been missing your blog posts and I am beyond excited to read this incredible news. So happy for you! Of course I will be praying for you and this little one and thinking about you with tomorrow’s ultrasound. Hugs!

  13. YAYYYYYYY! CONGRATS!!!!!!! Oh, lady, I am so damn excited for you!!!!!!!!! Your news seriously made my day and I’m going to be thinking and rooting for you all day tomorrow! I don’t blame you for being terrified, but I’m banking as hard as I can that this little one is going to be around for a good long while. Hugs, Mama!!!

  14. I have wondered about you. I am so, so very happy for you! Congratulations!!!! ❤ I am sending lots and lots of positive energy your way! ❤ Woo hoo!

  15. OMG! Congratulations! Somehow as soon as I saw the title of your post I knew. Such wonderful news, and can’t wait to read along. We are all hoping along with you that everything continues to look good!!

  16. Ah! So excited for you! I love how this last ditch effort has gotten you one step closer to what you want. I totally understand the overwhelming FEAR going into your first ultrasound. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome.

  17. That’s wonderful news! I’m so so happy for you! We got a BFP with our recent IVF but my betas are low and I keep flashing back to my last miscarriage…I kay use your sage stick tip. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

    • The flashbacks are enough to evoke a panic attack, so sorry you’re experiencing this. The sage helped, for sure (though I dunno exactly know why or how). I’ll be praying for your progress! XOXO

  18. Oh my goodness!!! I teared up reading this, I couldn’t be happier for you. Wow!!! And the update about the ultrasound is also great! I will be praying and thinking about you extra in the coming weeks. The worry is tough to shake. But for now this is awesome

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