So Part 1 was all about my “WTF” appointment with Dr. Diet. And then this is supposed to be all about what happened after that appointment.
But honestly, I don’t even have the stomach to write all the gory details. Suffice it to say…Mr. MLACS and I had a fight.
A “War of the Roses” style fight.
All this might have been avoided if he hadn’t been bottling his feelings about our failed IUI #5 and the fear of “what next”. I certainly asked him what he thought and how he felt, but he had dismissed me. And then…BOOM! He unleashed a torrent of *verbal* brutality on the way home from our “WTF” appointment.
And I tried to reason with him. I tried to yell over him. But when I just couldn’t take it anymore, I picked up his 40 oz gas station fountain soda (which I despise that he drinks this sh*t) and I dumped it on him. And he threw it back on me. And collectively we sprayed it all over the interior of his beloved Ford F250 Super Duty truck.
It’s still sticky.
I went out with a friend. We slept in separate beds. We exchanged angry accusatory texts. We made half-assed apologies that started with “I’m sorry…” but ended with “But if you hadn’t…”. And it when on…and on…and ON…until I finally refused to leave his side until we had forgiven each other and agreed to move forward.
I’m leaving out a lot. Tears. We both cried so many tears. For ourselves. For each other. For the babies we don’t have.
And then we went to church on Sunday, and wouldn’t you know–the message was all about relationships! Specifically, how to deal with CONFLICT in a marriage! It was two women, one of whom is a marriage counselor. Coincidence? I think not. And afterwards we finally had a conversation about how we feel and what we want as we go forward in our pursuit of a family. It was such a relief, because I needed to talk to Mr. MLACS, but I was afraid he would blow up again. And he hasn’t–things have been tense but he has not shut me down or shut me out.
I don’t know where we’re going to go from here. My ovaries are full of cysts and my greatest hope is that I will ovulate late this cycle, and that Mr. MLACS will be home by the time I ovulate and we can try naturally without medical intervention, at least for a month or two. But I dunno if this will be the case.
I am looking at IVF clinics to see where we might want to go. For you ladies that have done IVF, when is the right time to contact these people for a consult? Do you wait until you know you’re ready to do IVF? Or is it better to begin this process even if you’re not 100% ready to commit to it?
BTW, I saw Dr. Angel today–was in his office to pay a bill and he happened to be on his way to the hospital to check on his OB patients. He stopped to talk to me and I told him that our IUI with Dr. Diet failed and that Mr. MLACS hates Dr. Diet, and that we miss him (Dr. Angel). Bless his heart, Dr. Angel said he’ll do anything to help. We can do IUI’s with him if we want to. He would put me on Metformin if I wanted to try it–he has seen studies where it helps women even if they are not anovulatory or diabetic. He volunteered to do all my monitoring for whatever clinic we might choose to do IVF with. He could perform a Hysteroscopy or Laproscopy (though he doesn’t think he’ll find anything). And he said “I still believe that your chances of getting pregnant are close to 100%”. I freakin’ love that man. I miss him. I just need somebody to be nice to me and make me feel like everything is going to be ok.