I owe you guys an update. I just haven’t wanted to jinx anything by talking about it. Turns out, my superstitions are most likely just a crock of sh*t. But you know, I also get tired of reading about symptoms and signs during the TWW. I’m like “Hey fool, are you on progesterone? Well, then your symptoms don’t mean sh*t so stop effervescing over it until you POAS and prove it”–this whole getting excited during the TWW thing seems cliché and amateur to moi.
Lets start at the beginning. I felt the ovulation pains just a few hours after the IUI happened. So, even though I only had 8 million total motile, the timing was good. And then the next day, I went back to Dr. Diet’s office and Nurse Cutie gave me an US (with Dr. Diet present) and it showed…wait for it…at least 3 corpus luteum! Yeah, I dropped at least 3 eggs, 2 from the right ovary and one from the left ovary. And the fire of HOPE burned bright like the Olympic Torch.
Anytime I would start to panic and think “What if this doesn’t work?”…I would push these thoughts away and say “You are healthy. You are ready. You ARE pregnant.” And I even allowed myself to talk to my potential embryos. I told them I knew they were there and to hang on tight. I DON’T DO THIS SORT OF CRAP. I am cynical. I am a realist. I read between all the lines.
I really let myself go this cycle. I was doing the whole “believe yourself pregnant” jedi-mind-trick thing. And guess what–it f*cking worked. I had ALL the symptoms. Shall I list them? Yes, lets:
1-4 dpo Indigestion, extreme fatigue, food cravings, extreme hunger (of course the hcg trigger shot was probly still in my system–I didn’t test it out so I can’t exactly say but it was only 5,000iu). I was bloated and felt a heaviness in my abdomen. A little winded when trying to exercise.
5-8 dpo All of the above symptoms PLUS cramping and backaches. And big huge sore boobs–particularly sore nipples. Started pee’ing more frequently too. And I’m hella constipated. During this time a couple things happened:
- Mr. MLACS came home and had me open up a couple of UPS packages he had delivered to the house while he was away. They were maternity swimsuits he had purchased for me in the very beginning of the cycle. Gorgeous and expensive suits. He said his intuition was saying multiples. Then he told my MIL we were in the midst of a cycle (because she was upset I hadn’t called her and thought something was wrong) and she said–without knowing ANY details–that she was seeing triplets. *Hmmmmm*
- One of my good friends told me she had dreamt she was visiting me and I had a 4yr old little girl (she had also recently intuitively known when a friend delivered). This is in addition to my friend the acupuncturist, who I haven’t seen in awhile–she messaged me about 3 weeks ago to let me know she had dreamt I had a baby girl.
- I just FELT pregnant. So much moreso than I have during other medicated cycles (albeit, I’ve never had such a strong ovulation and I’m also on progesterone suppositories).
9-10 dpo All of the above symptoms *plus* now I seem to have a bit of a bump. My lower abdomen is sticking out and it’s firm. I start to have food aversions, like I think I want something and then I change my mind after I take a bite. I cried because a song on the radio reminded me of my Mom. My backaches and cramping have gone away though. I’m not quite as exhausted as I was the couple of days prior. I had planned to take a test tomorrow (11dpo) but now I’m afraid of a BFN and I don’t want to…I want to live in this ignorant bliss bubble where I am pregnant and Mr. MLACS and I are fantasizing about family cars and what it will be like to take a vacation as family and what my ‘bump’ might look like by the end of the summer.
11dpo I woke up. TERRIFIED. Like, practically shaking. I woke Mr. MLACS up and said “I’m gonna go POAS” and I did and it was negative. And my bubble is burst. I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth and I looked in the mirror and said “See, your gums aren’t bleeding, you are not pregnant” and then my gums started bleeding profusely. What the actual f*ck is going on here??? I drank a cup of coffee and I had a loose bowel movement and I’m like “See, you are not pregnant“…but then the cramps and backache started again. And now I’m stuck in purgatory because it’s too early to give up and move on, but my HOPE fire has been doused and is now just a single smoldering ember struggling to persevere.
I took all the supps. I gave up coffee. I had to go on a boat this weekend and wear a matronly bikini to cover up my protruding stomach and I didn’t have one cocktail–but it was ok because I was pregnant. I got progesterone supps all over my new bikini bottoms. Against my better judgement I let my husband call me preggers and kiss my belly. I took naps. I BELIEVED.
And now, even though there’s like a 50% chance that I could possibly be pregnant, I’m 100% crushed. So, there’s your update.
Everything is F*CKED.