So I just had my IUI and I’m not happy–but I want to be happy & I want to believe. Could use some help guys.
Things were much different than with Dr. Angel, in a bad way.
1. The Nurse Cutie did my IUI, and I didn’t even see Dr. Diet. Is that normal? Does your doc usually do your procedure or at least do you see him?
2. There was no ultrasound today. I thought I would see if I had ovulated, or if not, how many follicles were mature and their sizes. I am PISSED about this. But on the other hand, I can’t worry about sh*t I don’t know–like, if I had seen that I ovulated I would be worrying that it happened way too early. I haven’t had any sharp pains and I’ve been PRAYING for sharp pains so I could confirm ovulation.
3. Nurse Cutie said there was 8 million total motile. This is the LEAST I’ve ever had. She’s like “This is great, it’s what we expect with frozen sperm”. But honestly, I was getting 12-13 million motile from the “crappy” clinic. So of course I had expected the same or better from Dr. Diet’s peeps.
4. She did the procedure but didn’t leave the catheter in–whereas Dr. Angel would leave it in saying “It keeps the sperm from coming back out”. This may not make a sh*t bit of difference. And when I got up there was a tiny wet spot on the paper where I was laying–just like there always is after my IUI’s with Doc Angel. This upsets me, because I think “What if most of my sperm is sitting on this paper?” Anyone ever think this after an IUI or am I the only one who stresses about that?
5. I’m trying to let go and let God. I feel like I’m failing at that and I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t just let go. *Crying as I sit in the car outside Dr. Diet’s office writing this, fogging up my sunglasses but won’t take them off for people to see me cry* I know this may not be my time, but this is the first time (in our ttc journey) that I’ve literally begged for His mercy (since my first miscarriage). I’ve only ever asked for peace to accept His will be done, I never ask him to do things on my time. Until now. Now I’m begging. And yet I still don’t trust it will work this time.
I’m freaked you guys. I’ll gladly take any comfort or advice you’ve got.