Because I started taking a whole buncha new supplements on Wednesday evening. And woke up yesterday (Thursday) on CD6 with A LOT of cervical mucus and was like “Whoa, it’s too early for EWCM!” And my colitis was buggin’ me so I decided that I should look up all my new supplements and see what their potential side effects were, because I overzealously just went and bought all the sh*t that supposedly makes you fertile without even googling half of it first (I have a PhD in google, so this shows you how desperate I was feeling to just get pregnant already–I didn’t even fully research it!)
I had no idea that the reason L-Arginine is on the “infertility supplements list” is because it causes increased cervical mucus and supposedly primes the lining of the uterus. So–mystery solved! Then I looked up Chromium Picolinate (which I had taken on-and-off years ago upon initial diagnosis of PCOS) and found that it can really irritate your colon *AND* new studies show it causes DNA mutations in fruit flies! So I immediately tossed that out the window–not trying to screw up my DNA or irritate my inflammatory bowel disease.
And seriously, I have only taken 2 days worth of this stuff and “they” say that you’re supposed to take the supplements for 3 months to affect egg quality, so I didn’t expect any kind of instant results (and obviously I have no clue if my eggs have been affected) but it is sort of gratifying to get instant results from something, even if it’s just cervical mucus. Because losing weight and bettering your eggs takes FOR-EV-ER.
I’m starting to feel the “crazy” creep up on me from these FSH injections. I cry easily. I have an undercurrent of inexplicable anxiety. I’m quick to anger (road rage–I am a menace to society). And now I’m bloated. And spin class kicked my a** today–I felt like I was going to pass out going up a couple of “hills” (*these are fake hills, as you are on a stationary bike, but all the same it is hard as hell*) and the instructor kept saying “Feel your abs!” and I could not engage my lower abs because my ovaries are gettin’ kind of swollen, I guess. I was annoyed–usually I feel peachy keen after spin class, but today I left before the cool down, like “Deuces, I’m over it already”.
I’m skipping an upcoming bachelorette party (RSVP’d “No”) and I’m also resigned not to drink at all over Memorial Day weekend–like, FULLY committing to this health and wellness routine. It is really hard to put so much effort in after so many failed cycles. You just want to say “F*CK IT” and guzzle a bottle of wine to spite your infertility, like “Ha, take that! I don’t care!” But then you have a hangover, guilt, and still no baby (you DO care). So I’m trying to stay focused and keep my act together. For now. No promises that I won’t completely flip out if this cycle doesn’t work. It’s 50/50 at this point.
Have a great weekend! **I’m not going to speak a word about the holiday-that-shall-not-be-named**