Musical Chairs (the perspective of an unpregnant infertile)

So, since I started this blog to talk about my thoughts and *feelings* I’m gonna go ahead and comment on how it feels to be one of the “unchosen” ones–inevitably everybody can’t win–and this is what it’s like to be an infertile blogger when most all of your IF and RPL sisters are “winning” and you’re “losing”. I know I’m not the only one struggling with this.

An analogy:

Musical Chairs

Not being pregnant when EVERYBODY else is pregnant (at least, almost all the bloggers I started following when I started this blog) is like losing a high-stakes game of musical chairs.

IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF CHAIRS.

With each new pregnancy announcement, my chest tightens and a knot forms in my throat–I feel as though the chair has been snatched out from under me.

“I may not make it to the next round”–this is a horrifying thought that smacks you in the face when you are an infertility blogger and every other blogger is pregnant–it is f*cking scary. You think “Maybe this really isn’t gonna happen for me”. It’s scarier than a bunch of pregnancy announcements on facespace….

Sh*t is getting REAL here, chairs are disappearing left and right.

Cast Away

Another analogy: A deserted island

It feels like all your friends are getting “rescued” off the island but you are stuck there…with “Wilson”…

And another analogy:

It’s like “Red Rover”–when you were the LAST person standing and everybody else had been “sent over”. You feel left out.

Left Out

Yeah. That about covers it.

XOXO,

MLACS

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42 thoughts on “Musical Chairs (the perspective of an unpregnant infertile)

  1. Gawd. I hear you. I’m with you. I’ve gone to desperate measures and nearly bankrupt us and I’m still here. With you. Be as bitter as you wish. And if either of us crosses over to the winning camp, know that I won’t resent you but will understand if you do me.

    I am not sure how I unfollowed your blog for a bit here, by the way. I’m very sorry. I don’t even know how I did it and didn’t know I had until I wandered back here today to ask if you were okay after worrying something was amiss when I hadn’t seen a post from you in a while. Doh! Oops!

    Anyway, back to being forlorn when you’re the last one picked for the team. It freakin’ sucks. I hate it. It’s hard not to be resentful at times, not of our friends who’ve achieved success but at the universe for so royally screwing us over and passing us by. But, I’m going to keep hoping that your time is on its way and that you keep writing (and I stop unfollowing) in the meantime.

    Big hug of bittersweet solidarity.

    • No worries on the blog following–I’ve accidentally unfollowed a few myself–hit the unfollow by mistake on my touchscreen!
      I fully support pregnant IF & RPL bloggers, but there’s been SO MANY BFP’s lately it’s discombobulating and it makes me feel insecure about whether or not things will work out for me. You get it. XOXO

  2. I definitely feel the same way. I haven’t been a participant in blogworld long enough to have many bloggers I know move on, but it’s starting to happen in everyday life and it’s effing terrible. Another blogger (expecting to be expecting) wrote a good, funny post about the same thing yesterday. I know having to start over with a “new crop” of bloggers isn’t at all what you wanted, but we are here and sharing the same crappy feelings and wanting to offer support, so I hope that helps a little.

    • Oh hey I’m down with new blogger friends! But yeah, I miss the girls I’ve been hoping and laughing and crying with from the start–we’re in different places now that most of them are “on the other side”. Will check out that post. XO

  3. Oh hon I can’t stop crying reading this. I know this feeling do well too. Just this week there were several baby related announcements in my immediate family alone. My brother who isn’t married called to tell me his girlfriend is pregnant. I thought he was going to tell me he is engaged and instead he dropped that bomb. I was floored by the news. And this news came in a week when my MIL just went to be with my SIL who is about to deliver her 3rd and my BIL and his wife announced they’re having an event for their new baby that the entire family is attending. I felt exactly as you described above. We are the only ones on both our sides without any children, and it’s been like that for years. Our siblings keep having more babies, and we keep having loss. But then a little magic came my way. I know it’s cliche, but anything can happen. The same day my brother called and told me his news, I bawled my eyed out in a pit of despair. I hadn’t felt that low in months, but then I POS and got my bfp too. I know I have a long way to go before that little second line becomes a perfect, tiny human that we finally get to take home, but I’m not losing hope. And I’m definitely not losing hope for you either. Remember “New Clinic, New Protocol, New Result”. Lots of love and prayers my friend. I’m sending you the biggest hug ever.

    • Oh don’t cry sweets! Sorry šŸ˜¦
      I really wanted you to be pregnant–I know what you’ve been through already and it’s not fair. I pray this is your rainbow. I hope you understand this post wasn’t intended to make you feel “survivors guilt”. It just is what it is. Hard. XOXO

      • I know hon. I completely understand. I just hate how hard it is and wish so much that none of us ever have to feel this way. Praying so much that these hard days are behind you very soon.

  4. Yuuuuup. I mean, I know * intellectually* that there’s not a limited number of pregnancies and all these other women getting pregnant aren’t what’s preventing me. But it sure does feel like I’m just not allowed to have this nice thing that so many others get, no matter how good I am, no matter how I try, and no matter how little the others deserve it…

    Heck with it. It’s Friday. I’m hunkering down on the desert island with Wilson, and with hundreds or thousands of other amazing fun smart beautiful strong incredible women. One day I’ll get off… I hope. One day, I hope we all get off. But for tonight, I’ll mix up a pitcher of margaritas and drink to us all.

    • Right? It seems like somebody has to draw “the short straw”. I used to think I would one of “the lucky ones”, but now I dunno. And speaking of margs, I did have a few sips of one tonight! Cheers! XOXO

  5. This feeling sucks….. And I hate you are facing this. But I think you are one of the most determined bloggers out there. I believe it WILL happen for you because you won’t settle for anything less and you shouldn’t. But the musical chairs in the mean time sucks!!

  6. I had a few things typed up but I know if I were at where you are they would have just pissed me off instead of feeling the love and support intended. So instead I’ll just send a big hug.

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