The definition of Irony (the RE appointment update)

Irony is a multifaceted word, but to clarify, the (Merriam Webster) definition of irony in the context of what I am about to tell you is:

a (1) :  incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) :  an event or result marked by such incongruity

So, you know how in my ‘about’ section I talk about having been plagued by aspects of PCOS in my younger years, but that now my only ‘symptom’ is hirsutism (excess dark + coarse hair)? If not click my ‘about’ and let the record show this has been discussed. And then, remember how I said that since my cycles are regular and I have proven to ovulate on my own, and because I do not have the telltale ‘pearl necklace’ around my ovaries, and because my testosterone is well within ‘normal’ limits…because I do not exhibit these symptoms of PCOS it has been discounted as a factor in my miscarriages and difficulty conceiving.

Well…today, I discussed my PCOS past with the RE, and then had an ultrasound…and witnessed a tiny string of pearls around my ovary. So, PCOS is still a problem for me, and in fact, the RE’s words were “Severe PCOS”.

And the irony is, that this has been there ALL ALONG and nobody saw this because the immature follicles are so small and numerous that they just appear as a black line outside the ovary (in Dr. Angel’s defense I’ve witnessed my ovaries on a large flat screen tv in his office many times and have never picked this up on his ultrasounds, and he is an OBGYN not an RE–but I cannot defend the RE from SIRM that most certainly should’ve caught this on his ultrasound).

Want s’more irony?

I have a big juicy follicle and plush uterine lining, AND for the first time in recorded history I AM OVULATING FROM MY RIGHT OVARY (I thought my right ovary had forsaken me). BUT, Mr. MLACS is thousands of miles away and there is really not a snowball’s chance in hell that the sperm that he left me with last Sunday will fertilize this egg when it decides to ovulate in the next couple of days (as of this morning there was still no ‘smiley face’ on the CBD OPK). So, I lament this wasted opportunity. *&^#$! What the fudge.

So here’s what else:

1. The RE told me straight away that carbs are not my friend (I know this, I am a certified personal trainer and this irked me because if I was in-shape right now he would be asking me for advice and tips instead I felt condescended). I am to eat: 1. Meat 2. Vegetables, and then if I want a snack…some meat and vegetables…and then if I get sick of that I can have…meat and vegetables. No grains. No sugar. And yes, I consistently ate like this for years (6 years to be exact) but this is not going to be easy and I liken giving up carbs (particularly sugar) to quitting smoking or giving up crack. You have withdrawal. You are confused and don’t know what to eat if you can’t grab a granola bar or a banana. My motto as a trainer and athlete is: “If it was easy, everybody would do it”, and then we’d all have sexy abs and an a** you can bounce a quarter off of–case-in-point–this sh*t is HARD to stick to and very few people choose the ‘high road’ in our world full of delicious convenience foods. He (the RE) told me Mr. MLACS also needs to eat this way, so that makes me feel better (misery loves company)–I won’t be making him pizza and pancakes while I nosh on an egg white and broccoli omelet. But, he has recently professed a desire to lose serious weight so theoretically he shouldn’t mind (oh, but he will). I’m really glad I finished the Easter candy before I went to this appointment.

Guess what else?

2. The RE told me that “they” (I cannot remember the name of the organization) have redefined the definition of ‘recurrent pregnancy loss’ and instead of requiring 3 miscarriages, a woman is now considered to have RPL after two miscarriages. Thank God! Because 2 miscarriages is too many and 3 is cruel and I’ve never understood why “they” thought that 3 babies should have to perish before “they” would consider it an issue worth looking into. This being the case, the RE wanted to do a couple of RPL blood tests that were not performed on me as part of my autoimmune blood panel last year, and he also decided to err on the side of caution and order my karyotype–which will be covered by my insurance because my 2 miscarriages have qualified me (according to “they”) as a woman who has suffered RPL, diagnosis code 629.81. Amen–I feel vindicated.

3. The RE (I really have to come up with a nickname for him like I did for Dr. Handsome and Dr. Angel, but I’ll have to give it some more thought) suggested that IVF is not something that we should aspire to unless we are impatient and ready to part with some cash. Which, I am impatient but we are not wealthy and I would rather spend our money on a new family car, a house, or pretty much anything besides IVF. But if I win the lottery before we achieve a viable pregnancy (it’s sad that I can even imagine this as a possibility) then the first thing I would purchase would be IVF–just sayin’. **Then I’d be relieved of my concern that my eggs will all turn to dust when I turn 35 next year, because I’d (hopefully) have some embryos on ice.

4. Instead, the RE has alluded to doing IUI’s with a serious protocol to create several eggs per cycle and thereby increase our chances that one or more ‘sticks’. This is exactly what I wanted him to say. And he showed me pictures of one baby, two babies, three babies, and even four babies! As a caution that multiples are far more likely when you employ such a protocol. And duh, I know this and I would be happy with 1 or 4 babies and I’m confident that I can mother how ever many God gives us. But honestly I’m more worried about zero babies than I am about (in his words) “having a litter”. Lol. He showed me a graph that indicated that in a woman my age (34) nearly 50% of her eggs will be chromosomally abnormal. I get that it’s an important point to make to a patient (or her husband) who may balk at the goal of 4 or 5 eggs per cycle, as they may worry about having 5 babies–but if 50% of your eggs are crap and even a good egg might find implantation impossible, then the RE is demonstrating the unlikelihood of high-order multiples. But, I just find that sh*t SO depressing and I am all-too-aware of my diminishing fertility. Thanks dude.

5. The RE says that (also ironically) Mr. MLACS’s frozen sperm number are great–you guys know I actually cried when I saw the numbers this last cycle (12 million and 13 million motile) because they seem so dismal compared to his fresh sperm (55 million at 100% motility). BUT he would still rather have Mr. MLACS present during my cycles to increase our chances. So, *cringe* since the blossoming egg on my right ovary will foreseeably go to waste when it ovulates in the next couple of days, I can expect a menstrual period in a couple weeks and at this time he would put me on birth control pills to manipulate my cycle so I would ovulate when Mr. MLACS is in the vicinity. I don’t f*cking want to go on birth control. I hate it. I hope to high hell he can change his schedule, like, pronto. And bless his heart, he is trying to change his schedule. I can’t ask any more of him.

The RE also said I am the 2nd most organized patient he has seen–I asked him who’s #1 and he told me he had a patient that kept a spiral notebook detailing her menstrual cycles from like, the beginning of time. And that’s just weird. So in my opinion, I win. And was just so happy to be there as a patient that I didn’t even dwell on the fact that they didn’t hire me a couple months ago (I was told I was the top 2 interviewees, but I came in 2nd on that too).

When he talked to me about diet and exercise after I told him that I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I finally whipped out a photo shoot picture of me (in a bikini) that was taken after the last ‘Figure’ competition I did in 2009. And he was like “Whoa, you looked good!” and I was like “Yeah, I know” and he was like “So bring me a copy of that picture to put in your chart”. Which, they took a headshot of me earlier and I bet it’s awful so I will be more than happy to provide him with a picture I’m proud of. I don’t think he’s a pervert. Actually, he mentioned that his wife is intending to go to the plastic surgeon that did my breast augmentation to have her “mommy makeover” (for those of you that are unfamiliar, that is when women who are done having kids go to the plastic surgeon and get their boobs done and a tummy-tuck and often times some liposuction). I think he probly wants to show his wife how my boobs look in the bikini. You have seen that crappy (headless) pic of me in that frumpy bridesmaid dress that I posted the other day, but I’ll take this opportunity to post a (headless) bikini pic so you guys can see me in my ‘glory days’. I would LOVE to look like this again–muscular, long, and lean, but healthy (not starved). But I’ve had a super sh*tty couple of years health-wise and even though I’m finally healthy, I can’t focus on getting in this kind of shape while I’m trying to have a baby. So, it’ll have to wait. *Sigh* I will probably remove this pic after a week day or so, because I don’t want anyone recognizing it or doing weird stuff with it if they come across it. Also, I was a fat kid–not athletic–with a flat chest and a hairy chin, so if I can do this, anyone can do this–you, yes YOU could totally do this if you committed to make it happen.

I’ve been dreading becoming pregnant because I’m currently chubby–I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THIS PICTURE–add about 35lbs and take away the tan and that’s more like it. I’m actually glad that the RE is putting me on this no carb diet because it will help me lose weight and hopefully I will not want to hide my body and be jealous of skinny girls who are “all belly” when (God willing) it’s ‘my turn’. It will be great for me and for Mr. MLACS. And I just talked to Mr. MLACS and told him all about the appointment, and he is stoked! Such a change from a year ago–last year I didn’t want to talk about my doctors appointments because he would berate me for spending money for going to the doctor. This attitude and lack of support from him, on top of my miscarriages and chronic illness, was almost too much for me. He was miserable at his job, overworked, smoking a pack a day, never exercising or caring for himself, always taking issue with me–he felt like a stranger sometimes. But now, he is supportive of my medical stuff and on-board with doing whatever is necessary to have a baby…he even said the other day that we need to be careful with our money in case we need to do IVF! He quit smoking and he has been working out. He is content to go to church with me! He likes his job but he is thinking more about our happiness as a family than playing ‘Game of Thrones’ in his workplace (it has been so competitive and back-stabby). He feels more close to me now, even thousands of miles away, than he did last year when he was sleeping next to me every night. It’s like, I finally have the marriage I’ve been wanting and working towards, and the only thing missing is a baby. And after today, I feel like it’s going to happen–my hope has been dwindling–but it has been rekindled by the RE.

Also! I was thinking “Maybe I’ll call the RE ‘Dr. Hope'”, but he’s a bit brusque and (appropriately) cocky, so in a nod to his “Carbs ‘R Bad, M’kay?” protocol, I think I’ll refer to him as Dr. Diet.

Farewell carbs. Hello baby???

Love you guys!

XOXO,

MLACS

***Edit***I also meant to tell you that I added ‘IUI #4’ protocol to my menu bar and if you click on ‘Workouts’ I added a golf-inspired workout since golf is my new “thing” these days. XO