I Wish…

…That getting pregnant was as easy as getting the flu…I have the flu, and I didn’t even have to try! Ha. But pregnancy eludes me.

So, the blogosphere is buzzing as there has been a cornucopia of BFP’s lately–congrats to you ladies and you know I wish you the best. But yes, I’m pouting because several of my absolute favorite bloggers are now ‘on the other side’ and I’m still here, working for that second line. But hey, if you have a BFP then enjoy it! Don’t waste any time or energy feeling guilty (that whole ‘survivors guilt’ thing) or worrying that you’ll offend people or hurt their feelings. Because the truth is, that we can always ‘unfollow’ you if we aren’t in a place to appreciate positive pee sticks, betas, ultrasounds, etc. And yeah, I totally ‘unfollowed’ a bunch of people the other day and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I’ll still peek at stalk your blogs on a regular basis, but in the interest of ‘self preservation’, like if I’m having a bad day and one of you preggos wants to talk about swollen boobs or the excessive need to pee, then it won’t show up in my newsfeed and irritate the crap outta me (like someone poking their finger into an open wound). Fair enough, right? And most preggos stop posting and reading regularly, and if you don’t keep up with me or comment on my blog so often, then I won’t hold it against you–it’s a natural transition for pregnant after IF bloggers to “drift” away from their IF blogs. Lets keep it real–who can blame you?

So now that we’ve got that out of the way…

As I previously mentioned, I have the flu. Mr. MLACS is leaving town on Sunday and I had high hopes for how much fun we might have while he’s been home. But here’s what really happened:

1. Mr. MLACS came home with the flu and felt like crap, so we had a pretty ‘toned down’ getaway in the city, which was fine. Also, I was taking progesterone suppositories and feeling absolutely disgusting, so ‘sexy time’ was not so..sexy.

2. I then found out I was not pregnant, and had phantom cramps for a couple of days before AF came to town–and stayed for 6 days. And also, during those days we had some nasty weather that kept us mostly inside.

3. AF finally finished and the weather warmed up, but then I came down with the flu. *&%$#.

Good things that have occurred despite the obstacles; Mr. MLACS has taken tender-loving-care of me and that makes me appreciate him even more (he found me some gluten-free chicken noodle soup and he picks up my piles of slimy Kleenex–if that’s not love then I don’t know what love is). We managed to go hit some golf balls at the driving range on a couple of these nice days, and Mr. MLACS decided I needed some golf clubs of my very own! So I got my very own golf set! We bought it from Dick’s sporting goods on sale. It’s ‘Top Flight’ brand and they are pink. And I love them.

Also, we found a really fabulous BBQ place on the outskirts of town and visited it a couple of times for dinner with friends. And…well that’s probly all that’s worth talking about as far as what we’ve been up to…we caught up on the tv series ‘Vikings’ and ‘Walking Dead’, which we DVR and watch together when Mr. MLACS is home.

Well here’s some ttc news: The RE’s office finally called today and offered me an appointment next week! Howzabout that?! I am mf*ing stoked! So it appears I will be able to do a cycle with him in May (please, God). I hadn’t heard from Dr. Angel, which I thought was strange and it makes me paranoid that I’ve done something wrong, but he called today. He apologized for not getting me pregnant, and that made me sad because it seems he’s really frustrated and considers it a personal failure–which I believe is my burden to bear and not his, being that his protocol was all within reason and I’m the one who failed to get pregnant. I will have to do something to make him understand how much I appreciate what he’s done for us and that, in my opinion, he is a hero.

Lastly, there’s the matter of “Myrtle’s” wedding this weekend. I am an awful friend, because I could not be less excited. I am far more excited about my RE appointment next week. The only thing about this wedding that excites me is the chance that Mr. MLACS and I will get to take a good picture together and we’re getting a reasonably nice hotel room for our ttc ‘romp fest’ this weekend before he leaves. Oh yeah, and I bought one of those clear blue easy OPK’s with the detachable pee sticks, that shows you either an empty circle or a smiley face when you’re LH surge is happening. So far it’s all empty circles, but I’m really praying for a ‘smiley face’ by Sunday, since that’s the day Mr. MLACS is taking off. Cheers!







38 thoughts on “I Wish…

  1. 1. I love you 2. I can’t wait to hear more about the RE appointment! 3. Please tell me more about Vikings, always looking for more shows to watch 4. I hope you are feeling better soon because the flu sucks and 5.Hugs and Love to you m’dear.

  2. I have been suspecting that you’d unfollowed me for a while! I get that, completely. But you’ll remain my favourite blogger! I love your wit and I relate to you on so any levels. And I’m sure, soon enough, we’ll have another thing in common. I refuse to publicly announce my pregnancy on Facebook as I know how much that finger used to sting when it entered my open wound. Always thinking of you… your friend over the pond, Ms. ABB xxx

  3. I’m also very talented at catching the flu but not at all talented at making babies.. maybe there is a correlation… I am in complete agreement about the blogosphere situation. Well said! xx

  4. I also unfollowed a few people, not that I am not going to check on them.. I just need control over it that’s all. I totally get what you’re saying! I’m so sorry you’re sick. The flu is horrible! I am also struggling with the progesterone suppositories. I forgot how gross they are! Good luck with the wedding this weekend-I’m hoping you get that smiley face soon! I’m so excited for you that your RE appointment is so soon! I can’t wait to hear about it, but I’m afraid Dr. Angel may have set the bar a little high. Thinking of you.

    • Oh thank you for admitting that you ‘unfollow’ too–but no one would know because you are so supportive! The day you announce your pregnancy will be bittersweet for me, because you were the first blog I ‘followed’ when I started my blog (you had just started your blog) and we’ve been together since the beginning.
      And yeah, those suppositories are the worst, but God willing, you’ll be using them for the next 12 weeks. I hope so! XOXO

      • Yes, I have things I that bother me on pregnancy after IF blogs- being naïve and pretending everything is perfect and they aren’t scared. I don’t believe that one bit. I also unfollow the week-by-week, my baby is the size of a kiwi- posts. And I usually stop following people when they hit the 2nd trimester. I’ll still check on them, but then it’s too hard for me. I am supportive and happy for them, but I make sure I protect myself.

        I will feel the same when you get pregnant, but I’m also invested in your journey. I read every one of your posts, cry when you do, pray for you multiple times a week (when I say my prayers for me) and I have hope for you. WHEN you get pregnant I know I’ll feel like my prayers were answered too. When you hit the second trimester I’ll celebrate! 🙂 Our day will come, I truly believe that.

  5. So sorry you are sick.. pink golf clubs sound cool. I had a pink fishing pole once before my hubby sold it. Im glad u got your re apt scheduled so quickly.
    Have a fun time this weekend. 🙂 sending u baby dust

    • Thanks Lis! We were actually looking at pink fishing poles this weekend–I used to have one when I was a little girl–sorry the hubs sold yours. I’ll keep you posted! And you’re also in my prayers. XO

  6. Guilt is a tricky beast. I had a bad case of survivor’s guilt; still have it to a degree. It’s not something I can control. I’m glad you don’t feel guilty about unfollowing. I did the same thing when I was still in the trenches. Even now, I find myself more drawn to IF blogs than pregnancy ones. Truth be told, some of the pregnancy ones are a huge bore now – mostly just cookie cutter updates. Not all, but quite a few.

    Wishing you much luck with the RE next week! And I can’t wait to hear your stories from Myrtle’s wedding. Feel better soon!

  7. Boo to getting the flu! But that’s great how your hubby is taking such good care of you. I love that he got you pink golf clubs. My DH would love it if I would take up his golfing hobby too, but I’m just not coordinated enough or strong enough to hit the balls. I promise, Sweet Pea would be buying me some pink clubs too! I think speinding time with your husband’s doing what they love is so good for the marriage. Good luck at the wedding this weekend – I don’t blame you for not being excited after all that you’ve been through with her. I’ve often had that frame of mind…”at least I’ll get a good picture with my family there” as my only bright spot. LOL! I’m really hoping you get that smiley face so that you can get busy in the hotel room after the wedding!

    • Mel–you never know, golf “snuck up” on me. I couldn’t get hubs to do anything active (hiking, etc.) but he happily agreed to go to the driving range, which I disdained because the first time I tried I hurt my wrist hitting the ground (missing the ball) so much. But DH gave me some pointers and once I got the hang of it, I liked it! I thought I’d never like golf. Also, pink golf clubs sweeten the pot. XOXO

  8. Ugh! I hope you feel better soon hon! I am so with you! Well sort of. I’m okay, but my husband is going on a week of being sick and I’m gearing up to ovulate (early this cycle I think) and so far very little sexy time is happening! We’ll see how the next couple days go. I’m so happy you got an appointment with the RE. I will be keeping everything crossed for you! I completely understand why you’re not excited about the wedding this weekend. And you are absolutely not a bad friend! Glad Mr. MLACS will be with you! Bring on that smiley face!

      • He is feeling better and we were able to get some sexy time in this weekend.

        I hope you were able to enjoy your time away with your hubby. I look forward to reading your full report! ! I was thinking about you a lot. I know Saturday was a hard day and you had to put your happy wedding face on…

  9. I’m sorry you’ve been sick. That blows!! But it sounds like Mr. was a good caretaker and you got some TLC you needed.

    I posted today that I haven’t known what to say lately. I know that unfollowing is just a click away for anyone who thinks it’s too much. I have done my share of unfollowing. But I still can’t help but feel that I don’t want to hurt anyone and you would be at the top of my list. I hate infertility and I hate miscarriage. I hate that something so awful brought us together and I just don’t want anything to separate me from my support system I value so much. (I know that being absent is doing this, I suck at dealing with tough stuff.) I love your honesty and humor. And that you are so determined.

    Anyway – sorry I’ve been nil. And I am so excited to keep up with what comes next in your journey. Looking forward to an update on the RE appointment!!!!

  10. I just wanted to drop by today and tell you I’m thinking about you more than ever today. Good luck at the wedding and I’m sending BIG HUGS to you today. Due dates are so, so tough. And I just wanted you to know that you were thought of today. Praying for your strength today and the days after. Hugs.

  11. HEY, HEY GIRL! How are you…I have been stalking you and shit and hoping the wedding was just fine and that you got to take advantage of the Mr. I hope the hotel room was all sexy and fun too…you know, like when we were young and controlled by hormones of a different variety. I also hope those damn OPKs said pretty, happy things to you. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and missing your wittiness.

  12. I hope you feel better ASAP. Love this post, and all of your posts 😉 I hope you were able to enjoy your weekend and got that smiley face- I always have a surge of hope whenever I see them!

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