I’ve made myself scarce in the blogosphere these past few days because I’ve been enjoying my time with Mr. MLACS…and because I need(ed) a break from IF/RPL “scene”. In hopes of surprising Mr. MLACS in our (fabulous) hotel room Friday morning, I took a FRER at 10dpo. Stark white. I cried to my hubs, who folded me in his arms and said “it will happen”. Which is nice but we haven’t even begun to discuss a timeline or a budget for how to proceed–we need to consult the RE first–but I’ll find it more comforting if I had any idea when or how “it will happen”. And I decided to quit my progesterone & halve my prednisone–the logic being that the sooner AF comes the more possible it may be for us to ttc naturally this cycle (since Mr. MLACS is home an extra day for Myrtle’s wedding–thanks Myrtle, we’ll be leaving the reception SUPER early for some hotel action!) It was a bit chilly, but we walked to a cafe a few blocks from the hotel and had a delicious (gluten-free) brunch. Then we went back to the hotel and took a nap (Mr. MLACS wasn’t feeling well) and when we woke up we rallied and went for a walk around a local park and toured a historical museum. We returned to the hotel and got ready for dinner, then went to the fondue restaurant where we had our second date. It’s gone downhill–but I appreciated that they had gluten-free bread/brownies/pound cake for my dipping pleasure.
I was appalled that someone brought an infant to a fancy restaurant where each table has hot burners built into it for the purpose of cooking raw meat–whyyyyy would you subject this poor baby to the noise and smells and perils of raw meat? And the child was wailing it’s disapproval, and the parents did NOTHING but talk louder. Nevermind that it was ruining date night for the rest of us who are paying $100 per person for the privilege to cook our dinner at our tables (sounds frivolous huh?) So I had the hostess move us away from them before I publicly shamed them and snatched their baby. Our waitress neglected us and apologized saying she had a dozen 13 year olds there for a birthday party. Seriously? What kind of bourgeoisie parents throw this kind of party for a 13 year old?!
Mr. MLACS and I had lots of opportunities to talk about what will and won’t do when we are parents. This came up constantly during our “city adventure”. And I’m just so, so, SO READY to actually BE a parent. There are all kinds of knuckleheads out there screwing up their kids–I’m not just talking about drug addicted and/or impoverished households–I’m talking about the working parents who are lazy and expect their child care providers and teachers (and television and iPads) to do ALL their parenting for them (manners, sleep schedules, potty training, etc.), OR, those uber intellectual trend-setting homeschool or charter school parents (the ones that don’t vaccinate) who allow their children to “do their own thing”–which is code for these kids are undisciplined and have been conditioned to think they the center of the universe and are entitled to do whatever they please whenever they please–or pitch a fit when that just isn’t possible.
Yeah, there are SO many a**hole parents out there. I would just like my opportunity to be one of them.
I took another test Saturday morning at 11dpo. BFN. On our way out of town we stopped at a famous cupcakery to grab a special cupcake for my sister (and for Mr. MLACS–I did not benefit because they don’t make gluten-free, grumble grumble). I was happy because we stopped at Trader Joe’s…I’ve read that fermented foods are good for fertility so we tossed some Kefir in the cart…I haven’t tried it yet. While I did not score a gourmet cupcake I at least made out with some organic chocolate. We ate lunch on our way out of town, came home, and took naps (Kitty too, one big happy family). Kitty was happy to welcome us home, although I’d had a (super cute) girlfriend come by to love on him and give him tuna treats so he wouldn’t feel ‘abandoned’. Usually when I’m away, I hire a ‘cat nanny’ come over every day to spend time with him and make sure he’s well cared for. I worry about him constantly. I haven’t been to the bathroom alone in 5 years. Haven’t I demonstrated my parental capabilities? I’m pretty sure I could love as human as much as I love this cat.
Since we went to bed early Saturday, we woke up early-ish on Sunday. I took a FRER and BFN at 12dpo. My body is so FICKLE though–I’ve been having cramps for days, which never happens until I’m actually starting my period–and usually I’ll start within 48 hours of quitting progesterone. So, I still have the nagging hope that maybe my pack of FRER’s were sub-par and…I just want to bash my head against a brick wall. Mr. MLACS got up before me and Kitty–this gave us room to sprawl. When I got up, I decided we should go to church…we are having trouble finding a church we both like and are comfortable in. I wasn’t sure Mr. MLACS would ever consent to go to church with me, but he has been going since Christmas and it’s SO wonderful. We sit hand-in-hand…I love that he sings along to all the songs…and we talk about the sermon afterwards. It feels great to be there with him. The congregation of the one I used to love to go to is dwindling since a new “mega church” came to town and ‘lured’ away all of the affluent people. I still like my old church but they are obviously desperate for money (you can see it in attendance and in the emphasis in the sermons). We actually attended the new “mega church”, but it was very crowded and I didn’t really connect with the music or the pastor. Plus it was just so “see and be seen” and I’m sure they encourage this sort of social climbing and elitism in order to hype the church and retain the support of the affluent people. Not my scene. So I’m not sure where we’ll try next. Mr. MLACS had to do some work from home, so we came home after church so he could knock that out. Then we “jumped” his truck (battery was dead since it hadn’t been driven in 2 weeks) and took a joyride–it was sunny outside and I only wish Mr. MLACS had felt well enough (has a cold) to go for a trail walk or a bike ride, but I’m sure we’ll do these things when he’s feeling better. I made some delish gluten-free brownies and we ate them a’la mode while we got caught up on ‘The Walking Dead’ and then watched the season finale (we DVR this show and ‘Vikings’ and watch them when Mr. MLACS is home). We have had some ‘sexy time’ (so much the better since I quite the progesterone suppositories). We feel very connected and I just keep telling him “I’m SO glad you’re home babe, we (me and Kitty) missed you!”
Even though I don’t have my human baby yet, I feel extra grateful for what I do have–this life I have with Mr. MLACS and Kitty is beyond my imagination and I love our little family. My heart beats for them. *tears roll down my cheeks as I think of how dear they are to me*
I haven’t worked out in a few days and I’ve eaten my fair share, so I’ll be glad to get back to it this week. Also, I’m getting my hair done on Tuesday! That always perks me up. Honestly, I’ll be glad to be off the hormones again this cycle–they are the devil. And maybe, all this interference is hurting me more than helping (how can I not suspect? we had 2 natural pregnancies and now nothing after 6 medicated cycles + 2 natural cycles–I’m observing the would-be due date of my second miscarriage on April 12th).
But you can bet your sweet a**es that I’ll be calling Dr. Angel in the morning to see what his take is on this situation. And it would be stellar if AF would hurry up so I have a prayer of ttc’ing naturally while Mr. MLACS is home this cycle. As it stands, if AF shows tomorrow and I ovulate on CD14, then I would ovulate the day after Mr. MLACS takes off. However, I *naturally* ovulate circa CD16, so if my body decides to have a “throw back” to unmedicated cycles, then I would ovulate maybe 3 days after Mr. MLACS leaves, and then that is still in the “realm of possibility” but far less likely to be successful. *Sigh* C’mon body, lets DO THIS.