So, I wrote this post (Click Here) talking about how “God never closes a door without opening a window” and how it couldn’t possibly be coincidence that I had found a job posting for a job that I am perfectly qualified for in a FERTILITY CLINIC where Dr. Angel gave me a glowing reference because he knows that doc (and was consulting about my case with him)…and my interviews went so well…blah blah blah. The f*ckers didn’t hire me. And, I’m sure it was because of the intensely personal information they had about me. Well, or I don’t think the old lady that directed my second interview liked my strong personality. I think that if I had ‘played the game’ and been quiet and mousy and not said anything about my knowledge of infertility (which is telling of the fact that I want to have a baby), then I would’ve gotten this job–I read people and I know how to play my cards. And I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t have regrets because I chose to be very honest and authentic, knowing that this may be the consequence. But guess what, that isn’t helping. I feel rejected on a very personal level.
I feel like…I just got a BFN at 12dpo. This is very comparable, although the interview process was less arduous than the drugs and prep for an IUI, and instead of the dreaded TWW, I ‘tested’ and finally sent them an email after one week of not hearing anything. Yeah, I brought them cookies and sent them a ‘thank you’ note, but they didn’t even call or email me (who knows if they would’ve)–and that old lady didn’t return my email until 24 hours after my inquiry; that’s not criminal but I feel it was lacking.
Now, I don’t even want to go there for a consult. How awkward will that be? How pissed will I be if I walk in and the receptionist is incompetent or a ding-a-ling? That’s honestly what I’m expecting. However, I will swallow my pride. I will go in for a consult. But I hope they realize that I’m a critic (my meticulous medical records indicate that I don’t f*ck around). I hope they recognize that, in my eyes, the bar just got raised for them. At the consult, I will be interviewing them. I’m not grading on a curve.
Now, here’s the “but”. But…maybe this is for the best. I ultimately want 2 things:
1. To be a stay-at-home Mom (SAHM)
2. To get my nursing degree (and begin practicing after baby is a little bigger)
This job was to be a means-to-an-end, to allow me to save up money for school and pay off some debts–possibly save up for IVF…the pay is lame and it’s not where I want to be for the rest of my life. It’s not like I am losing my “dream job”–this was my “dream job in the $12 per hour pay range”, but not my ultimate dream. Ya dig?
And also, I went to see Grandma today. She has actually asked me to help her get to-and-from radiation appointments (she has to go for treatment every day for 20 days). I am going with her and my cousin to meet with the oncologist this Friday. So there’s two bits of good news here:
1. Grandma’s cancer was successfully removed with her last surgery! YAY!
2. Since I’m not working, I am at her disposal during these radiation treatments.
In other news…I’ve started using this fancy gym membership Mr. MLACS and I signed up for. I’ve been going to spinning classes–they are no joke! I love them, I’m an avid ‘spinner’ but I have never bothered to get the special shoes or the padded gel seats and all that sh*t that a lot of the other people in the class have. And I look over and their form is sh*tty and they are faking it when the instructor says ‘add gear’…so yeah, bunch of fancy-lookin’ posers. I think I’m going to give their hot yoga a shot. Now, I am a devout Bikram Choudhury fan so I have never dishonored him by going to a ‘hot yoga’ studio–for those of you who are not his disciples, Bikram revolutionized hot yoga and everybody else is just copying him. The benefits are gleaned from doing the 26 postures the way Bikram designed, so I don’t believe that doing a hodge podge of various postures in a hot room is truly comparable. But there’s not Bikram studio where I live so I think he could forgive me for going to a ‘hot yoga’ studio. I’ve been avoiding hot yoga because supposedly it has some negative effects when ttc and gestating, but, I’m chubby and hot yoga whittles me down and make me feel good, so I’ll give it a shot and (if it doesn’t suck) then I’ll try to go a couple times a week.
Oh, but the biggest thing about the gym isn’t the ‘fancy poser-ness’ of it all…it’s the mommy club. See, this gym is also a country club and it attracts families like flies…when we joined the girl was like “Do you want access to the summer beach club for $5 more per month?” And Mr. MLACS started to say “Yes”, but I looked at him and (in front of this very pregnant sales girl) said “The ONLY people who go to the beach club are women with kids, so, NO”. Everywhere I look there’s cute SAHM’s in spandex carrying their 2.5 kids out to their luxury SUV. I’m sure that they’ll be sporting their bumps in bikini’s at the beach club this summer. You can imagine how this makes me feel, right? It makes me want to come home from spinning class and eat a box of gluten-free cookies.
Oh, and there’s a TROLL that lives in the apartment above me. He just moved in this past weekend. He is either mentally insane, or he is on drugs, or he has ADHD, because he paces LOUDLY through his apartment at all hours of the day and night–it’s inexplicable. I have complained to management. I have put out a call to my friends to see if they have ideas about the best way to murder someone–because I’ve moved TWICE in the last 3 months, I’m not moving again, and if this f*cker doesn’t take his Adderoll and calm the f*ck down, I’m going to poison some cookies and send them his way. And I will plead insanity, because he’s driving me insane (as if I needed any help with that).
Sorry this post is so ‘salty’, but I figured I was overdue for an update and I’m feeling pretty ‘salty’ today. Also, I would like to express my love and gratitude for my friend The Unexpected Trip. She’s awesome and you should go read her blog (you probably already do).