So Where Is My Damn Window???

So, I wrote this post (Click Here) talking about how “God never closes a door without opening a window” and how it couldn’t possibly be coincidence that I had found a job posting for a job that I am perfectly qualified for in a FERTILITY CLINIC where Dr. Angel gave me a glowing reference because he knows that doc (and was consulting about my case with him)…and my interviews went so well…blah blah blah. The f*ckers didn’t hire me. And, I’m sure it was because of the intensely personal information they had about me. Well, or I don’t think the old lady that directed my second interview liked my strong personality. I think that if I had ‘played the game’ and been quiet and mousy and not said anything about my knowledge of infertility (which is telling of the fact that I want to have a baby), then I would’ve gotten this job–I read people and I know how to play my cards. And I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t have regrets because I chose to be very honest and authentic, knowing that this may be the consequence. But guess what, that isn’t helping. I feel rejected on a very personal level.

I feel like…I just got a BFN at 12dpo. This is very comparable, although the interview process was less arduous than the drugs and prep for an IUI, and instead of the dreaded TWW, I ‘tested’ and finally sent them an email after one week of not hearing anything. Yeah, I brought them cookies and sent them a ‘thank you’ note, but they didn’t even call or email me (who knows if they would’ve)–and that old lady didn’t return my email until 24 hours after my inquiry; that’s not criminal but I feel it was lacking.

Now, I don’t even want to go there for a consult. How awkward will that be? How pissed will I be if I walk in and the receptionist is incompetent or a ding-a-ling? That’s honestly what I’m expecting. However, I will swallow my pride. I will go in for a consult. But I hope they realize that I’m a critic (my meticulous medical records indicate that I don’t f*ck around). I hope they recognize that, in my eyes, the bar just got raised for them. At the consult, I will be interviewing them. I’m not grading on a curve.

Now, here’s the “but”. But…maybe this is for the best. I ultimately want 2 things:

1. To be a stay-at-home Mom (SAHM)

2. To get my nursing degree (and begin practicing after baby is a little bigger)

This job was to be a means-to-an-end, to allow me to save up money for school and pay off some debts–possibly save up for IVF…the pay is lame and it’s not where I want to be for the rest of my life. It’s not like I am losing my “dream job”–this was my “dream job in the $12 per hour pay range”, but not my ultimate dream. Ya dig?

And also, I went to see Grandma today. She has actually asked me to help her get to-and-from radiation appointments (she has to go for treatment every day for 20 days). I am going with her and my cousin to meet with the oncologist this Friday. So there’s two bits of good news here:

1. Grandma’s cancer was successfully removed with her last surgery! YAY!

2. Since I’m not working, I am at her disposal during these radiation treatments.

In other news…I’ve started using this fancy gym membership Mr. MLACS and I signed up for. I’ve been going to spinning classes–they are no joke! I love them, I’m an avid ‘spinner’ but I have never bothered to get the special shoes or the padded gel seats and all that sh*t that a lot of the other people in the class have. And I look over and their form is sh*tty and they are faking it when the instructor says ‘add gear’…so yeah, bunch of fancy-lookin’ posers. I think I’m going to give their hot yoga a shot. Now, I am a devout Bikram Choudhury fan so I have never dishonored him by going to a ‘hot yoga’ studio–for those of you who are not his disciples, Bikram revolutionized hot yoga and everybody else is just copying him. The benefits are gleaned from doing the 26 postures the way Bikram designed, so I don’t believe that doing a hodge podge of various postures in a hot room is truly comparable. But there’s not Bikram studio where I live so I think he could forgive me for going to a ‘hot yoga’ studio. I’ve been avoiding hot yoga because supposedly it has some negative effects when ttc and gestating, but, I’m chubby and hot yoga whittles me down and make me feel good, so I’ll give it a shot and (if it doesn’t suck) then I’ll try to go a couple times a week.

Oh, but the biggest thing about the gym isn’t the ‘fancy poser-ness’ of it all…it’s the mommy club. See, this gym is also a country club and it attracts families like flies…when we joined the girl was like “Do you want access to the summer beach club for $5 more per month?” And Mr. MLACS started to say “Yes”, but I looked at him and (in front of this very pregnant sales girl) said “The ONLY people who go to the beach club are women with kids, so, NO”. Everywhere I look there’s cute SAHM’s in spandex carrying their 2.5 kids out to their luxury SUV. I’m sure that they’ll be sporting their bumps in bikini’s at the beach club this summer. You can imagine how this makes me feel, right? It makes me want to come home from spinning class and eat a box of gluten-free cookies.

Oh, and there’s a TROLL that lives in the apartment above me. He just moved in this past weekend. He is either mentally insane, or he is on drugs, or he has ADHD, because he paces LOUDLY through his apartment at all hours of the day and night–it’s inexplicable. I have complained to management. I have put out a call to my friends to see if they have ideas about the best way to murder someone–because I’ve moved TWICE in the last 3 months, I’m not moving again, and if this f*cker doesn’t take his Adderoll and calm the f*ck down, I’m going to poison some cookies and send them his way. And I will plead insanity, because he’s driving me insane (as if I needed any help with that).

Sorry this post is so ‘salty’, but I figured I was overdue for an update and I’m feeling pretty ‘salty’ today. Also, I would like to express my love and gratitude for my friend The Unexpected Trip. She’s awesome and you should go read her blog (you probably already do).





27 thoughts on “So Where Is My Damn Window???

  1. Wow I do not know if I could interview for a position at a fertility clinic. That takes a lot of guts. Sorry they were so crappy. Hopefully your neighbor will calm down soon. In college, we lived under a unit that seriously must have had like 20 people in it at all times. I hope you find your window soon 🙂

    • I hesitated, but Dr. Angel was very encouraging and he gave me a glowing reference (without prompting)–after I had already scored an interview bases solely on my resume.
      I live in a ‘luxury’ housing complex that caters to adults (there is a lot of student housing here but I was careful to avoid those places). Initially I was in a building with NO students, but our pipes burst and we moved, and I think it was an oversight on their part to put a single young-ish male above our apartment, because surely they MUST be aware that their insulation is not adequate (of course they didn’t inform ME of this when I was chosing to live on the ground level). Obviously, the developers spent ALL their money on the amenities of these apartments and neglected the nuts-and-bolts, and I hope Karma bites them for it! Anyhow, thanks for the support, XO 🙂

  2. I lived in an apartment when the hubs and I first got married and the chic above me had sex with her boyfriend at least three times every night!!! Most annoying noises ever!!!!!!! It. Was. Awful!!! The next apartment we moved into I required us to be upstairs. Lol!! I’m sorry you didn’t get the job. That happened to me right after college. Went through the whole process…sent thank you cards, etc. they never called. I waited and called. The guy was never in his office. Finally after three calls within two weeks his secretary finally said… We hired someone last week already. Low blow!! It was a social worker position in a nursing home. Not my dream job at all but I took it personally. But the next week I got hired for a job working with kiddos. Way more style!! I thank God everyday I didn’t get my way by getting that job. I would’ve hated it…and probably the boss who doesn’t return phone calls. Lol!!

    • Oh, your neighbor sounds like real PITA! As for the job…I’ve been jerked around by lots of places. I wouldn’t say these guys ‘jerked me around’, but it sucks that it was very personal to me and they are unaffected. Kind of like when you go on a first date with a guy and you REALLY like him, and then he doesn’t call. I mean, rejection in any form is just not fun. But, I’m still looking for my ‘window’–since this wasn’t it. XO

    • Oh, I was comparing not getting the job to how it feels to get a BFN–I’m only on CD11 so I’m not even in the TWW (and we’re not trying this cycle). Thanks for appreciating me, even when I’m ‘salty’. XO

    • I’m currently planning what I’m going to say to the management tomorrow–I’ve already sent 2 emails, one at 11:30, another at midnight. It is now 12:30 and he’s still thunking and clunking. This is not going to work. I’m still contemplating the poisoned cookies… XO

  3. Perhaps the “window is open” in your upstairs neighbor’s apartment and you need to very carefully push him out of it? I am so sorry about the job, but I am sure you didn’t bake those cookies in vain! Keep working on those dreams!

      • I love beckdogenator’s comment.. yes, perhaps that’s where the ‘window is open’ and you should push him out of it! Also, my gym is similar.. it’s so frustrating! My husband and I were leaving the gym yesterday and got stuck holding the door for 3 mom’s with carriers and a pregnant girl…I refused to hold the door. Is that bad I just kept walking and pretended I didn’t notice them coming? Also, don’t ever apologize for your saltiness. 🙂

      • No, it’s not bad of you–especially since your DH was there and it’s really a gentleman’s place to hold the door for ladies (I confess that I cringe when I see men not holding the door for their ladies–I mean, it’s proper for a gentleman to hold the door for ALL the ladies, but if you can’t be bothered to do that then at least hold the door for YOUR lady. IMHO.) I mean, but regardless you have nothing to feel bad about. So I won’t apologize if YOU don’t apologize! XOXO

  4. I’m sorry about the job. That stinks. I’m not sure I should have, but I laughed my head off at your gym descriptions and your troll neighbour. I freaking hate the gym moms with their super buff bodies, perfect hair and perfect children. I have none of those things!!! I’m sorry you live underneath a troll too xxx

  5. I agree about applying for that job in the first place taking real guts (and salt – in a totally good way) but I also think you’re onto something in recognizing that you not getting it could be for the better in the big picture. In the here-and-now, however, it hurts and I am sorry you’re going through that. And the crappy neighbour. And the BFN. On all fronts, I’m breathing in your pain and breathing out light and peace for you.

  6. I love your saltiness! I’m sorry you didn’t get the job hon. It’s just wrong that they would overlook you because you may become a client! You probably know way more than any of the other people who applied! And you know the patient perspective too. It’s definitely their loss. As for your upstairs neighbor – you made me laugh out loud! It reminded me of the first apartment we lived in after we got married. Our upstairs neighbor drive me insane too! Hope your neighbor controls himself or moves soon before he drives you to do something drastic, lol! Stay salty hon ❤️ hugs!

  7. I am sooooo sorry you didn’t get the job. Hey…they don’t know what they’re missing!!! I personally think you would have been perfect for the job. I am tickled pink to hear about your grandmother’s successful surgery! And what a blessing to be available to her now when she will need you. I was always so happy to help my grandmother out any way I could during her illness. You will never regret a single moment with her. As for your neighbor, oh boy…I feel you on that one. I hope your new neighbor settles down too and that you don’t have to go all “Flowers in the Attic” and deliver some poisoned goodies. LOL!!!

  8. Well there’s your window! Time with your grandmother! That’s a blessed gift! I’m really upset that you didn’t get that job though. You would have been such an asset to their team. Their loss!

  9. It is their loss – you would have made a great employee. I’m sorry you didn’t get it 😦 I’m hoping there’s a better window for you elsewhere. Ugh, loud neighbors are the worst. I’m so done with apartment living – I really hope we can get a house soon.

    • I don’t know what I want anymore–the last place we lived I had a big, beautiful house…but it was empty, and I hated cleaning it. So we moved to an upper-scale apartment complex because it seemed easier and a little cheaper…ha! Thanks sweets. XOXO

  10. Wow, how stupid of them!! I’m so sorry MLACS. You would have been such a great patient-advocate. But love how you you are looking at it from a loving perpsective—now you’ll get to spend more time with your grandma.

    Loud neighbors are crazy-making. I don’t know what’s the best way to drown out upstairs noise, but I’ve always been the upstairs neighbor myself and make a point to put down rugs and wear soft slippers (never shoes) inside. I’m even quiet when moving furniture. People can be so oblivious of their community! I find blasting our Honeywell air cleaners provides great white noise to drown out our “excitable” Italian Long Island downstairs neighbors. Sometimes I can hear the guy *snore*. Gross. But at least they are super-nice and care about us a lot. Anyway, maybe white noise would help?

    Oh man, the gym mommies. Oosh. It’s hard not to be envious, I know. I go to a rough-around-the edges Gold’s Gym, but because I go during the day, there are plenty of mamas and dads with their little ones. One of the channel options on the elliptical is a viewing of the play room where they drop off their kids while they work out. I’ve been surrounded on either side by moms watching their kids play while on the eilliptical. It was….ahem, challenging.

    Hang tight, girl. Your window’s going to open. XO!

    • Ok, the play room watching would bother me. Plus, I don’t think I’d want a bunch of other women (or men) watching my kid–that’s a little creepy, plus, what if my kid is an a**hole and then everybody gets to have an opinion about it. Ick! No.

      You are such a courteous neighbor–the perfect neighbor. Odd that you can hear this dude snoring, but heartwarming that they are kind and caring neighbors.

      Thanks for the support about the job–screw ’em, I guess. Blah.

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