So, I had my second interview today, and it went very well in my opinion–but they said they still have some other second interviews to complete, which was a not-so-subtle reminder that I have competition. But did the other contenders bring cookies??? Well I plopped my cookies on the table and announced, “I am obviously campaigning for this job–I would’ve made buttons but that seemed over-the-top”. Kind of sassy, but they laughed (thank God) and I figure if they can’t appreciate a little sass then I’m not the right girl for the job. Fingers crossed ladies–fingers, toes, eyes, etc.
Also, in really big news, I have made great strides in my feelings toward “Myrtle”, my irritatingly fertile (but childless by choice) soon-to-be-married-and-knocked-up friend. For whatever reason, I just stopped being so angry at her last month after I missed her bachelorette party. It wasn’t a conscious effort, but my anger just sort of faded away. I actually enjoyed designing her bridal shower invitations on zazzle a couple weeks ago–I am actually looking forward to getting out all the pretty dishes and serverware I received for my wedding (that I rarely have an occasion to use) and I’ve meticulously planned a foodie-style menu and a variety of games with prizes. I don’t know what caused my change-of-heart, since I remained angry for many months after our initial conversation about infertility regarding another friend–I wasn’t even officially “infertile” at the time, but Myrtle said ALL the wrong things and I took them to heart: “Some people just aren’t meant to have kids” and “People should just adopt” were at the top of that list–because what makes HER “meant” to have kids after she had 5 abortions? How could she even dare to say such a thing, as though now that motherhood is appealing to her and she conveniently is able to conceive if a guy looks at her, that means she is “meant” to have kids, while there’s women who have built their entire world around having a family, and these women aren’t “meant” to have kids because they are infertile. Ok, obviously I’m still pissed. But anyhow, I’ve been avoiding her and keeping her at arms length for months since we’ve begun doing infertility treatments, because I was angry and hurt but also because I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to put her foot in her mouth again–I was protecting both of us by not bringing up the subject. To her credit, she gave me the space I needed. But today she was in town and asked me to drop by the salon where her SIL was practicing her ‘wedding hair’ for the big day. So I did, and I felt some tension from Myrtle’s Mom, no doubt because I skipped the bachelorette party, but then I whipped out the adorable bridal shower invitations and I think that smoothed her Mom’s ruffled feathers–even if it didn’t though, that’s not my problem. I made small talk and looked at pictures of Myrtle’s wedding shoes on her phone, but I finally said “I need to talk to you” and I went and crouched down in front of her facing her chair, so the whole damn salon couldn’t hear what I was saying. I said “I know I’ve been weird these last few months, and the reason is that I’ve been going through infertility treatments and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. It’s been a year since my first miscarriage and we’ve been trying (and she asked if I was “doing hormones” and I explained that I have been diligently shooting up for several months, the “hard stuff”)–I said “I am infertile. I think we will eventually have a baby but I may need IVF, and there’s no guarantees.” It is the very first time I have ever said that to anybody, that I am infertile. It felt surreal, like I was being sensational and dramatic by using these harsh words, but I fit the definition–I am not embellishing–this is reality. It’s like I need to say it to believe it myself. It’s not a title that I want but I’ve earned it.
And then I said, “I want and need your support on this, and I’m ready to talk about it, but I’d like for you to read this weblink I’ve sent you before we have that talk, because the last time the subject of infertility came up it didn’t go well at all.” And she said “Oh but you know I didn’t mean YOU! I really don’t think XYZ should have kids, but you should!” And I said “Yes I know and honestly I’m not even concerned with XYZ, this is all about me and my situation. It’s been really hard, physically, emotionally and financially, and it’s not over yet.” And she started to say “Well you just need to rela…” and I was like “Before you say anything, please read the weblink and then we can have a good talk”. And I sent her this link to RESOLVE: http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family–friends/infertility-etiquette.html
I haven’t heard back from her yet, so I don’t know if she’s had a chance to read it or consider any of it. But we hugged and I think she looked surprised but also relieved. I think her Mom thinks I’ve been jealous of Myrtle’s impending wedding, but I hope this shuts them up about that. Now the conversation can be “Well if she just hadn’t ever done that bodybuilding stuff and eaten all that splenda, then this never would’ve happened…” If they want to act holy-er than thou because they are hippies and switched to organic foods 10 years ago, then so be it. But let it not be said, that I was jealous of her wedding (cuz y’all all saw my pics and you know I have nothing to be jealous of). I am specifically jealous of her fertility. But, I’m dealing with it.