Big Strides

So, I had my second interview today, and it went very well in my opinion–but they said they still have some other second interviews to complete, which was a not-so-subtle reminder that I have competition. But did the other contenders bring cookies??? Well I plopped my cookies on the table and announced, “I am obviously campaigning for this job–I would’ve made buttons but that seemed over-the-top”. Kind of sassy, but they laughed (thank God) and I figure if they can’t appreciate a little sass then I’m not the right girl for the job. Fingers crossed ladies–fingers, toes, eyes, etc.

Also, in really big news, I have made great strides in my feelings toward “Myrtle”, my irritatingly fertile (but childless by choice) soon-to-be-married-and-knocked-up friend. For whatever reason, I just stopped being so angry at her last month after I missed her bachelorette party. It wasn’t a conscious effort, but my anger just sort of faded away. I actually enjoyed designing her bridal shower invitations on zazzle a couple weeks ago–I am actually looking forward to getting out all the pretty dishes and serverware I received for my wedding (that I rarely have an occasion to use) and I’ve meticulously planned a foodie-style menu and a variety of games with prizes. I don’t know what caused my change-of-heart, since I remained angry for many months after our initial conversation about infertility regarding another friend–I wasn’t even officially “infertile” at the time, but Myrtle said ALL the wrong things and I took them to heart: “Some people just aren’t meant to have kids” and “People should just adopt” were at the top of that list–because what makes HER “meant” to have kids after she had 5 abortions? How could she even dare to say such a thing, as though now that motherhood is appealing to her and she conveniently is able to conceive if a guy looks at her, that means she is “meant” to have kids, while there’s women who have built their entire world around having a family, and these women aren’t “meant” to have kids because they are infertile. Ok, obviously I’m still pissed. But anyhow, I’ve been avoiding her and keeping her at arms length for months since we’ve begun doing infertility treatments, because I was angry and hurt but also because I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to put her foot in her mouth again–I was protecting both of us by not bringing up the subject. To her credit, she gave me the space I needed. But today she was in town and asked me to drop by the salon where her SIL was practicing her ‘wedding hair’ for the big day. So I did, and I felt some tension from Myrtle’s Mom, no doubt because I skipped the bachelorette party, but then I whipped out the adorable bridal shower invitations and I think that smoothed her Mom’s ruffled feathers–even if it didn’t though, that’s not my problem. I made small talk and looked at pictures of Myrtle’s wedding shoes on her phone, but I finally said “I need to talk to you” and I went and crouched down in front of her facing her chair, so the whole damn salon couldn’t hear what I was saying. I said “I know I’ve been weird these last few months, and the reason is that I’ve been going through infertility treatments and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. It’s been a year since my first miscarriage and we’ve been trying (and she asked if I was “doing hormones” and I explained that I have been diligently shooting up for several months, the “hard stuff”)–I said “I am infertile. I think we will eventually have a baby but I may need IVF, and there’s no guarantees.” It is the very first time I have ever said that to anybody, that I am infertile. It felt surreal, like I was being sensational and dramatic by using these harsh words, but I fit the definition–I am not embellishing–this is reality. It’s like I need to say it to believe it myself. It’s not a title that I want but I’ve earned it.

And then I said, “I want and need your support on this, and I’m ready to talk about it, but I’d like for you to read this weblink I’ve sent you before we have that talk, because the last time the subject of infertility came up it didn’t go well at all.” And she said “Oh but you know I didn’t mean YOU! I really don’t think XYZ should have kids, but you should!” And I said “Yes I know and honestly I’m not even concerned with XYZ, this is all about me and my situation. It’s been really hard, physically, emotionally and financially, and it’s not over yet.” And she started to say “Well you just need to rela…” and I was like “Before you say anything, please read the weblink and then we can have a good talk”. And I sent her this link to RESOLVE:–friends/infertility-etiquette.html

I haven’t heard back from her yet, so I don’t know if she’s had a chance to read it or consider any of it. But we hugged and I think she looked surprised but also relieved. I think her Mom thinks I’ve been jealous of Myrtle’s impending wedding, but I hope this shuts them up about that. Now the conversation can be “Well if she just hadn’t ever done that bodybuilding stuff and eaten all that splenda, then this never would’ve happened…” If they want to act holy-er than thou because they are hippies and switched to organic foods 10 years ago, then so be it. But let it not be said, that I was jealous of her wedding (cuz y’all all saw my pics and you know I have nothing to be jealous of). I am specifically jealous of her fertility. But, I’m dealing with it.






27 thoughts on “Big Strides

  1. Jealousy is tough and hard to admit. As a 31 year old woman, I am constantly being bombarded by pregnancy announcements, baby shower invites etc. Sometimes I just want to hide and ignore it all. As much as I love my friends, I am jealous. Thank you for sharing your experience.

    • Amen sister! It’s not just that you have to carry around the jealousy (which is an awful feeling) it’s that eventually you have to ADMIT it, which to me is the very worst part because I am a proud person who generally does not lust for what other people have. Except for pregnancy and babies. Admitting jealousy is about as appealing as swallowing a pile of cow sh*t as far as I’m concerned. Thanks for commenting! XO

  2. Congrats on the good interview…those cookies must have won them over! I’m glad you told your friend about your situation and for sending her that link…now if she’s still coming up with inconsiderate comments after your talk and the link then I might reconsider your friendship with her. You need a good positive supportive system not a downer one if you know what I mean. Oh, and I’ve discovered that calling myself fertility challenged (I still consider myself that despite the bfp)instead of infertile suits me better…it means to me that it’s a challenge but not impossible 🙂

    • Yes me too! I prefer “sub-fertile”, as in “under-fertile”. And Mr. MLACS cringed earlier when I used the word “infertile”, but, I think using the term “infertile” is the only way to get the point across to other people who don’t understand–so maybe they take us seriously. XO

  3. I love that you gave them cookies – how could they not want you. And your honesty with your friend is very refreshing. I need that courage because I usually just push the subject under the rug and spend a long time feeling angry and bitter against someone. I also love that you gave her the link to resolve. This is a great idea!

    • Lots of bloggers have posted good links, but I was in a hurry so I just googled “how to support infertile friends” and the RESOLVE link was the first thing that popped up–and it was perfect! I didn’t plan to talk to her today, but I’m glad I did. Even though she hasn’t texted or called me back–this makes me anxious. XO

    • I love infertility meme’s! I think she will come around–but I will probably watch her visibly struggle to choose her words–she usually just blurts out whatever comes to her mind, which won’t work in this situation. But, we’re old friends so I think she’ll make the effort and I think that’s enough for me. XO

      • My bro’s wife (Prego first month trying and due in 2 months) tried to talk to me the other day and thought 1) it was our first month trying fertility treatments 2) trigger shots grow your eggs 3) beta blood tests? What’s that? Haha she admitted she has no clue so I basically told her it’s better to just say ”hey thinking of you” rather than try to pretend you know what you are talking about.

  4. I am loving your approach in the second interview. That’s right, girlie, just be yourself! I have everything crossed that you will get the job offer! As for “Myrtle” I am proud of you for being straight with her and telling her how you feel and what you’re going through. If she is a TRUE friend, she will read the link and she will try to truly understand what it is that you are going through. If not, then this will be the answer you need that will tell you how to follow through with your relationship with her. I hope she’s going to turn out to be a true friend and be there for you. We all need that. Hugs

  5. Good for you for asking someone to meet your needs and for taking such good care of yourself! And I am also proud you didn’t smack her when she talked about “you just need to relax” 😉 Here’s hoping you get that job!

  6. 5 abortions?! I’m speechless. I’m trying really hard to not be judgmental, but I’m rather disgusted right now. All I have to say is good for you for sending her that link! Keeping everything crossed for you for the job hon!

      • Ugh! You’re such an amazing and supportive friend. I hope she does call and realizes what you have been going through. You showed up for her. Now it’s her turn to be there for you!

  7. I know what it’s like to suddenly be free of anger. It’s great, just makes me feel so light.
    I’m glad you talked to your friend. It’s really great of you to make an effort and hopefully she’ll take the time to think things through and get back to you. You were great in taking a big first step.
    I hope she appreciates it!xx

  8. Girlfriend you know how to rock a second interview! Who wouldn’t want to hire you after bringing cookies?! I can’t wait to hear that you’ve proudly accepted the job.
    As for Myrtle, I’m so proud of you. Look at how far you’ve come?! Incredible. I’m still holding a grudge against her and here you are, opening up the path to communication, getting her all into Resolve’s lingo and stuff. It’s fab! I’m glad she’s receptive to it too, this can only bring good things. Well done you xxx

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s