You’ve GOT To Be Sh*tting Me

I thought that pissing on my hand and yielding a failed pregnancy test was the event that had ruined my f*cking week. I was wrong…some of you are aware, but for those who are not…it can ALWAYS get worse.

I decided to make breakfast for me and Mr. MLACS, so I mixed up some gluten-free pumpkin muffins (with chocolate chips) and popped them in the oven for me, then mixed up some pumpkin pancakes covered in butter and real maple syrup, and served them to Mr. MLACS with a tall glass of milk. While my muffins cooled, I blogged about my BFN and drank my cup of coffee. I shared my post with Mr. MLACS and sat down to eat my consolation muffin…when Mr. MLACS suddenly exclaimed “Hey, do you hear that? What is it?” and I listened and picked up on a rumbling sound and replied “It sounds like an earthquake, but nothing is moving?!” I tossed my muffin aside and jumped out of my seat to see if I felt the earth moving…then the buildings fire alarms began to blare and Mr. MLACS and I began to panic, but still confused about the circumstances…then Mr. MLACS shouted “WATER!” And as the word escaped his lips I watched in horror as it began to pour down the wall and windows behind our couch…”Oh sh*t we gotta get outta here!” I screamed as I listened to a river begin to flow above our heads and imagined our ceiling crumbling on our heads “Where’s the cat carrier?!” I exclaimed as the cat sprinted under the guest bed, requiring a joint effort to get him in his temporary prison. I was shaking with fear as I realized that I may lose everything I own (and yelled at Mr. MLACS for not getting renters insurance because I only carry $25k, which is not enough). As Mr. MLACS watched and listened and did useful things like moving the couch away from the impromptu waterfall in our living room and shutting off our electricity, I threw the cat in my car and tore through the house gathering our important documents, medications, wedding pictures, clothes, etc. and shoving them into bags. After I had my essentials I ran out our door into sub zero temperatures and searched for someone who looked guilty–I wanted to STRANGLE someone–I looked around and screamed (to no one in particular) “Where are you, you incompetent son of a b*tch?!” Thinking this was the mistake of a maintinence man or second-rate plumber. Then I sprinted toward the manager’s office in a fit of rage, threw open the door and saw she was with potential renters but to hell with politeness and discretion, I scared the sh*t out of everyone when I  screamed “MY HOUSE IS FULL OF WATER! IT’S FLOODING AND WE HAVE TO EVACUATE! IT’S F*CKING RUINED!” And then turned and ran out the door screaming, arms flailing. Unapologetically and undeniably insane. I’m surprised they didn’t call the authorities. By the time I reached my front door water was pouring into our hallway. I walked in and looked at Mr. MLACS and clenched my fists and screamed. I. was. PISSED. I stalked around the house and listened…to the sound of water running through the ceiling and the walls…watching helplessly as it streamed from our electrical outlets…I became more enraged. WTF. Who’s responsible for this? Who the hell is going to fix it? Where will we stay tonight? Will we move–surely we must? Why THIS? Why NOW?! My heart beat wildly as the fire alarms continued to remind me how WRONG everything was.

The manager came round (cautiously eyeing me and keeping her distance) explaining what Mr. MLACS already knew: the pipes in the sprinkler system had frozen and burst–hence why the fire alarm was sounding. What she didn’t ssy (which Mr. MLACS also knew) was that it was indirectly their fault, because they have a lot of vacant units and had (unwisely) chosen to spare the cost of heating them during these cold winter months. It took forever for management to decide how they’d like to accommodate us, but I hastened their decision by planting my (homeless-looking) self and the cat in the middle of their fancy clubhouse and  FINALLY around 4:30pm they extended the offer to comp us $80 for a hotel room. The cat doesn’t mind his temporary prison but he HATES car rides. Mr. MLACS had donned his Carhartt work clothes and steel-toed boots to supervise the chaos in our apartment, and he mocked me by imitating kitty’s pitiful howling as I pulled away and smiled through clenched teeth, my car loaded like the Clappits, with kitty crying in the passenger seat. Not fun.

Thank God we’re all ok. Thank God that (so far) nothing of ours has been ruined. Thank God Mr. MLACS was HOME! I’m counting my blessings…but Lord Jesus can this be IT for awhile? I have reached my limit. Amen.




18 thoughts on “You’ve GOT To Be Sh*tting Me

  1. You need a break, sister. I’m so sorry. Good for you for trying to look at the bright side of things, but I can definitely understand being angry at the management. I hate when companies are cheap and try to make cuts where they shouldn’t. I think you guys totally deserve a free month’s rent or something for their incompetence.

  2. Holy freakin crap!!! I just got caught up on your recent posts now, and I’m completely speechless. WTF?!! I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with any of this let alone all of it in the same week! It’s unreal! First of all, your manager is such an idiot! I seriously hope she reimburses you for more than the cost of a hotel room. Her negligence should pay for any damages as well as for the major inconvenience! Or at the very least a reduction in your rent until all this is sorted out. I hope none of your things are damaged and that they repair the water damage to your unit ASAP. Secondly, I can’t believe your doctor has to appeal to the pharmacy! Obviously you need the meds if he prescribed them to you in the first place! Jeez! And I’m so sorry you had to deal with that awful nurse. As if the situation wasn’t bad enough! I’m also so so very sorry for your BFN. It’s just so unfair. I wish there was more I could do, but please know I’m here for you. Sending you a big hug!

    P.s. You don’t owe Myrtle anything, I say get out of it. You don’t need any more to deal with right now. If she really cares, she’d understand.

  3. OMG. Thank goodness you are okay and got all the important stuff out safely! But seriously?! Ditto the hopes that this all gets magically fixed ASAP and you have a cozy place to return to.

  4. Wow. Not a good thing to go through at all. Maybe they should upgrade you to one of those bigger, emptier apartments. 🙂 Be glad it was only water. One of my besties lost everything to a fire a few years back. You were smart to grab your sentimental stuff though. Proof that you can work under extreme pressure. Hang in there. Hope the situation is resolved quickly.

  5. Ughh, you have definitely had the worst possible luck lately!!! I’m so sorry, your home is supposed to be your one safe place where you don’t have to worry about cramp like that. Hoping you’re back home with minimal damage fast. I also agree with the others, make em pay (knowing you, I trust you will :-))!

  6. This sounds like something out of a movie. CRAZY! So sorry this has happened to you on top of everything else. I agree, you need a break from Bad News Betty. Sending you lots of hugs. Glad you are okay and there’s no damage to your belongings!!! XO

  7. Oh my god, what a nightmare! I don’t think you overreacted at all. I would have done the same! (Maybe that just means I’m insane, too? 🙂 ) Hopefully they will relocate you to a dry apartment. What a pain. Now you’re going to have to worry about mold. 😦

  8. Well… if you ever wanted to break a lease now would be the time. I dont want to tell you that I was laughing while reading your rant. I keep wondering if the couple rented or if your muffins were simply too awesome to taste. (If it helps my ovaries were hurting the whole read). But my favorite was Mr.L shouting “WATER”.. cause of course that comes next!

  9. HOW AWFUL!! I’m proud of you going down there and telling them a piece of your mind because it was certainly well deserved!! I’m also glad that you were okay and I agree with Autumn.. They should upgrade you to a bigger apartment for sure! I’m so sorry this happened to you and I just pray things start to get better for you. You’ve had your fair share of crap lately. 😦

  10. OH wow… Seriously talk about a sucky day!!!! Hopefully this is all of the sucky stuff being piled into one day so that you can be done with it! That’s insane though. Hope you guys are able to get everything all dried out with little to no damage to any of your stuff. Thank goodness both of you were home. That’s seriously something that you’d see in a movie… not real life 😦 yuck.

  11. That is crazy! I didn’t realize these things happened in real life. I’m so glad you guys got out and got all your important stuff!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s