…For Mr. MLACS’s friends who are pregnant or who have just given birth. I just glanced at a postcard and at first I thought it was junk mail, but I took a second look…the only thing it had on the back was our address, but on the front there was a picture of a chalk drawing with a Dad and Mom and little girl…and it says “Our Stick Figure Family” with the Family name on it…I was trying to figure out the point of this postcard–was it a Christmas card? There was no greeting on it of any kind…upon further inspection, I figured it out: The “Mommy” stick figure had a bump. It’s a f*cking pregnancy announcement. Since f*ing when do people need to announce their pregnancy via postcard? Isn’t facespace sufficient? And hey, if you want me to pay attention, how bout write something on the damn postcard, instead of making me interpret your damn chalk art (which btw I find kind of clever, but that’s beside the point). The POINT is that Mr. MLACS and I visited this family over the summer and they know we’re having trouble…and I now suspect she was preggers during our visit. They already have one beautiful baby girl that was conceived within 2 weeks of deciding to “try”. I mean, they’re nice people, but they are the lucky ones. And I personally am in no condition to be celebrating blatant pregnancy announcements (yes I said blatant). So I went in and told Mr. MLACS that his friends are pregnant again and he gets this goofy grin on his face and says “That’s great!” and I just wanted to smack him. I replied “No it’s NOT” and he says “Well c’mon you gotta be happy for them” and I said “NO I DON’T”. F* that sh*t. I most certainly DO NOT have to be happy.
And his other friend, I may as well just “hate” on her while I’m “hating” on his aforementioned friends. Ember is a sweet, innocent, fresh-faced young woman…a girly-girl…the kind of girl who has been planning her wedding since she was 5 years old and didn’t wait a month post-nuptials to start trying. Now, I can appreciate that she had a chemical pregnancy, so it’s not like she is a stranger to crushed dreams. But I have had to watch her document her pregnancy week-by-week for the last 6 months, and then there was a montage of maternity pictures toward the end, and then birth pictures, and now it’s pictures of 1 week old, one month old..pics of every f*ing relative in her and her DH’s family holding the damn baby, pictures of the baby in her crib-in a chair-on the floor…it’s like a constant stream of pregnancy/baby porn. And tonight I sniped at Mr. MLACS “This kid is going to think it’s the center of the damn universe”, and Mr. MLACS goes “So?” and I’m like “Well that turns your kid into a brat” and Mr. MLACS is like “Oh leave Ember alone”. You know what, Ember is a nice girl but I’m deleting her from my newsfeed. Every time she pops up I get more and more frustrated, even though I know she’s not trying to antagonize me I just LOATHE her naivety; she’s petite and pretty and sweet and she is in sheer bliss about her blossoming little family. And I f*ing can’t look at one more f*ing photo. And Mr. MLACS just thinks I’m being petty. Which I totally am being petty, but a true best friend will not tell you you’re being petty–a true best friend will be like “Yeah, f* her and her stupid ugly baby–your baby will be WAY cuter.” WTF Mr. MLACS? I thought you were on my team?!