Couple ‘o things. And I’ll start with “Warning: Massive Profan*ty” for those who are overly sensitive. Um…yeah, you might need to sit this one out.
1. Glass Half Empty
We moved to my hometown because Mr. MLACS took an assignment on a project that will take him away from me for (supposedly) the first two weeks of the month. I agreed, as long as he would be home for procreational purposes (I ovulate toward the end of the month) and the holidays. I didn’t want to put this much info out there, but whatevs, Mr. MLACS’s job is in Canada, and between his HR screwing up his paperwork and the US government shut-down (don’t get me started, I am NOT a fan of Obamacare, as I know plenty of under-insured hard-working poor people who don’t qualify because they make too much money! And today an unemployed-pothead-musician friend was bragging about signing up for Obamacare on facebook–he’s a nice guy but he does not deserve free healthcare! But I digress…)
Basically, Mr. MLACS is still at home (oh and SUCH a joy to be around. Note: workaholics who aren’t working are as pleasant as junkies with no drugs). So besides dealing with his b*llsh*t tempertantrums, this means my ttc schedule is totally screwed for this month. And I’m begging him to change his schedule so that he’ll be home for us to ttc and also for the holidays. But he just snaps at me and brushes me off…no “Honey that’s what I want too, I’ll let them know that my FAMILY comes first and I’m sure it’ll work out” or even a “Babe, if I can’t be here we’ll do IUI or whatever we need to do to have a baby”…Oh no, not this dude, he offers NO reassurance. We engaged in a fight yesterday where he had the nerve to say “It’s not MY fault YOU can’t get pregnant!” Which besides being the jerkiest thing he could possibly say, is also factually bullsh*t: I can totally GET pregnant, I just haven’t managed to STAY pregnant. F*cker. At least get your facts straight. Oh, and I love how he throws completely IRRELEVANT insults into a fight that had nothing to do with ttc–like a suckerpunch. Lame.
So I’m like, now wtf am I supposed to do? How will I get pregnant if Mr. MLACS is not going to be around pre-ovulation? Will he fight me about doing IUI’s cuz he doesn’t want to pay for them? Will he actually grow a pair and give his work an ultimatum? I think right now all he’s concerned about is his job, and he considers ttc MY problem (obviously, from his malicious comment about it being “my fault”). Hmmmmmm. So this always comes back to: Mr. MLACS gets stressed about money and work (which makes him volatile and unapproachable), I have issues I need him to work on with me, but instead of working on stuff with me he finger-points and blames and hurls insults, and NOTHING is accomplished. Always predictable, gotta give him that. Mr. MLACS, can you please stop being such an a**hole? Thanks. Cuz this sh*t is hard enough as it is. Also thanks for doing the damn dishes–but that does NOT make up for the other bullsh*t. It’s called a c-o-n-v-e-r-s-a-t-i-o-n, and we should definitely have one of those (not to be confused with: fighting).
2. Glass Half Full
Since we’ve been back in my hometown, Mr. MLACS has given me some compliments–he really likes the apartments I chose; he really liked the chili I made for dinner last night. He’s been quite agreeable to hanging with my family and friends–who all consider him part of the family. He’s been trying-ish to quit smoking cigarettes. He’s sweet to the cat. He’ll put a blanket on me when I’m cold and twice this week he has slept on the couch to give me room in the bed (I guess I was flailing about). He offered to make me breakfast this morning. Obviously, he supports me financially and takes his role as provider very seriously. I mean, he’s got his finer points. I won’t poison his apple just yet 🙂
Also, I’ve acquired 3 new doctors this week: Gastroenterologist (GI), OBGYN, and a Chiropractor. I like them all, but particularly my new OBGYN, who we’ll call Dr. Angel.
Dr. Angel is the soon-to-be FIL of a good friend of mine. He was listed as one of the providers who takes my insurance AND delivers at the hospital I was born at (which is where I would like to, God willing, have my own baby). My friend put in a good word for me, because Dr. Angel is established and can pick-and-choose his patients. My friend told me Dr. Angel is quite conservative and religious (hence I call him “Dr. Angel” as a nod to Christian faith). Dr. Angel’s children are examples of the doc’s firm beliefs–his kids are the most level-headed, goal-oriented, pleasant and polite people you can possibly meet. I finally met Dr. Angel today. He is a blessing.
Dr. Angel greeted me warmly! He then proceeded to let me babble on about the issues of the past year, carefully listening to every word and asserting questions–very politely, of course. He was soft-spoken and I sounded very boisterous compared to him, but either he liked me or he deserves an Oscar because he chuckled at my jokes and his eyes twinkled the whole time we talked.
Right off the bat, he suggested doing an HSG–which is cool, because I was going to ask him if we might ought to try one to see what’s happenin’ in my ute. He said what other doctors, including my RE’s, would not say: it’s NOT normal to lose a baby with a heartbeat of 160bpm at 7w2d. In fact, something was clearly very wrong. Hallelujah! That innate knowledge is what has spurred my medical quest for answers, so that another baby wouldn’t have to perish from whatever ill befell this first unfortunate child en-utero. But other docs just completely dismissed me and said “oh miscarriages happen so often and they’re usually chromosomal, blah blah blah”. However, I started bleeding BEFORE my baby died…I started bleeding and went to see my doc and the US showed a baby that measured almost right on target, a baby that had a heartbeat of 160bpm…not a dead baby, not a baby with a slow heartbeat or an empty sac…this baby may well have been normal, but I’ll never know, because my old OBGYN dismissed it as “typical loss of first pregnancy”, didn’t test the tissue for abnormalities, and told me to go try again. And my RE’s both acted as though I was overreacting (but kept offering up IVF like McDonald’s slings hamburgers). Not Dr. Angel though. He’s different. He seems to want answers just as much as I do. If something works or doesn’t work, he wants to know WHY, not just guess. We’re kindred in our lust for empirical data. I can tell he’s awfully sorry that I’ve lost 2 pregnancies already, and he is concerned that I not lose a 3rd. *Sniffle, Tear*
So, we talked, he examined me, and the plan is that I will start my menses (any day now that I’ve quit progesterone) and then I’ll call to schedule the HSG with his office. I won’t take any hormones this month–no Clomid or Endometrin or even Metanx. I’m relieved, cuz I need a f*ckin’ break from this stuff–the hormones mess with me physically and emotionally (you probably know what I’m talkin’ bout, right? Hormones SUCK!) Also, Mr. MLACS will most likely be in Canada when I ovulate (please God, let him go so he can get his wits about him), so there’s really no point in taking hormones. Dr. Angel said to just take this month off. He’s reading through the thick binder of medical records that I offered him, and he said that he’ll give it some thought, we’ll do the HSG, and then we’ll formulate a plan. Sounds good to me! PLUS, he has a deal in his office where you pay a flat fee of $350 per month and it covers as many ultrasounds as you need for monitoring, plus I believe it covers insemination too! Or a-la-carte I think insemination was only like $70.
That is a great deal, don’t you think?! And it means I don’t need to go see a (greedy, agenda-pushing) RE! Dr. Angel said he is PCP for most of his patients, and will be happy to monitor my thyroid and manage everything beyond my GI. Do you have any idea how happy it makes me that I only need 2 doctors?! I’m ecstatic. I really, really adore Dr. Angel. I mean, I wish I didn’t have all the issues I have, but I feel very fortunate to have good people helping me through them (yes, that includes you Mr. MLACS).
October is now officially “taking a break” month, and as much as I hate to postpone baby-making for a month, I know it’s an opportunity for me to get my sh*t together: work with the chiropractor, work-out, eat better, settle into our new home, take a break from hormones, have the HSG, figure out Mr. MLACS’s schedule, possibly set up an IUI, etc.