Catchy title huh?!
So, Mr. MLACS + Kitty + Myself have finally begun the process of settling into our new home–I think we’ll be very happy here! I rented our place sight-unseen (save for pictures) so I was uneasy until we actually toured the property, but it’s perfect! I cooked my first meal this morning–a big pancake breakfast for the hubs and my little sister (and gluten-free pancakes for me) with butter and real maple syrup–served on my very best pottery barn plates with cloth napkins, all fancy pants ‘n stuff 🙂
The past week has been a whirlwind–we stayed in 2 hotels on our trip from Southwest to Midwest, and then “camped” in a hotel in our new location (my hometown) from Mon-Thur, until the moving company delivered our things to our new place on Friday. As soon as we pulled into town we were bombarded with requests (nay, demands) to visit with friends & family–we were happy to oblige and it’s been one big warm ‘n fuzzy welcome home party all week long…but there’s been something bothering me…
You know I took my 2nd round of Clomid this cycle, right? And you read the post about all the pressure I feel about ttc this month, because it’s sort of my “lucky month”, right? Ok. So I ovulated anywhere from Sept. 22nd thru the 24th, I think. My OPK’s are super duper weird on Clomid, and I don’t temp and I haven’t done a monitored cycle or a trigger shot (yet).
I’ve been taking one Endometrin (progesterone) suppository at night since the 27th–I took it twice a day last cycle and it f*ck’d with my gallbladder, so I decided to halve the dose (I know, I’m a bad patient sometimes)…
And I’ve tried to just fuggitaboutit (the tww). But noooooo. The universe has made that impossible…seriously, I think I’ve experienced EVERY pregnancy symptom–you name it. Mr. MLACS has been observing me and pointing things out non-stop, which makes it even freaking harder to ignore them: “Oh your boobs are HUGE!” and “Wow you’ve had to pee 3 times in an hour!” or when I remind him I’m on progesterone and it may be wholly responsible for these symptoms, he’ll counter with “But you were on TWICE as much progesterone last month and your symptoms weren’t THIS intense!” Etc. etc.
I didn’t want him to get his hopes up–I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but we have a baaaaaad case of “baby fever” and hope seems to spring eternal, no matter how I try to squash it. So on Saturday, circa 11dpo, I tested using fmu on a FRER…and…Big. Fat. Negative.
I stared at it from every angle, and somewhat convinced myself that a second line WANTED to appear…maybe I saw a hint of a hint of shadow??? Pffffft.
And I tried to “shut it down” for this month, and accept defeat gracefully like I did last month (FRER negative at 12dpo, I quit progesterone and moved on to the next cycle, like a pro)…but I can’t let go of this cycle; I’m still wrestling with hope and I’m not ready to tap-out yet.
Today I did not test. Me + Mr. MLACS went to Target to buy things for the house, and since there were no FRER’s (wtf) and those spiffy new CBD with the dating feature (1-2 weeks, etc.) were on sale…we bought the CBD’s instead. So now I am robbed of the opportunity to even pretend that there’s a second line *sniffle, tear*. I plan to use a CBD in the morning (13-ish dpo, period not due til Wednesday Oct. 9th) and if it says “not pregnant”, you can bet I’ll be a hot mess.
I know plenty of IF’ers have waited YEARS to see a BFP, and spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and sometimes it STILL doesn’t stick…and quite frankly, I don’t know how you ladies (and gents) keep from losing your minds. Kudos. I’m only 8 months + 2 miscarriages in, and I’m practically ready to go baby-snatching at the mall (ok that was a joke, but you get the point). I’m starting to unravel. Bit premature, eh?
I’ll keep y’all posted. XO