Ok, this is me being melodramatic but it got your attention didn’t it?
Soooooo….where to begin. I was sitting next to Mr. MLACS on the couch the other night, hacking away on the laptop, composing my “Dream Doctor” post. Mr. MLACS seemed curious so I asked if he wanted to read it. He already knew about my blog so he can see it whenever he wants–I could never keep it from him and if I felt I had to then I couldn’t be married to him.
However, I was a little apprehensive because I knew he hadn’t read the “Medical Marriage Problems” post where I candidly recounted how he has previously reacted to my medical bills and how I cringe at the thought of talking to him about them (you guys all read that post, right? Ok good). I was not at all sure how he would react. But you know me (you don’t but I’ll tell you)…I don’t look for adversity but I ain’t no chicken neither–bring it.
Well, I think he was offended by a few things, even though he didn’t say so specifically–he did not appreciate feeling like a villain. What’s more though, I think reading my words allowed him to actually process them and take my thoughts and feelings into consideration. I don’t think he realized how strong my feelings are about his fighting style or my medical issues or my miscarriages. I mean, I’m pretty solemn when it comes to expressing my grief and loss–it’s hard for me to express those feelings even under the most nurturing conditions, and Mr. MLACS is a real “dude” (I don’t know how else to say it, he’s a manly man who would not be scared by a pack of terrorists but FEELINGS make him panicked and defensive).
But Mr. MLACS is far from being a neanderthal–he is quite brilliant (an engineer) and perfectly capable of both understanding and articulating feelings–he just has to choose to exercise his abilities. To paint a more accurate picture, he is loving and sentimental (likes to cuddle, likes to use our “pet names” for each other, pretends to disdain the cat but will come home with new toys for him, opens doors for women, loves/is loved by children, etc. etc.) He is a caring and compassionate person. He is not just a big ‘ole bully.
I think when Mr. MLACS read my blog diplomatically, he saw my points. I think because he is an intellectual man, a man of great integrity, and a man who loves his wife immeasurably…I think that he decided he didn’t want to be the guy I was talking about in my blog post. I think he instantly felt bad for any pain he caused me (although he can’t say this I know it).
So guess what?!
He calmly and rationally initiated a conversation about our medical bills (mine and his). HE brought up the conversation (instead of me) and he proposed that we would pay all the smaller bills and save the biggest 3 or 4 for later (per my suggestion). I was flabbergasted.
To say I’m happy is an understatement…I’m SO happy…I’m SO relieved…I’m SO impressed with my husband for rising to the occasion. I’m SO encouraged about our future together, seeing that he is willing and able to control his anger/reactions to things (ex: bills) that upset him, and work with me to SOLVE the problems (and spare us both the time and energy wasted on fighting).
Also, while Mr. MLACS is always quick to compliment my looks, he is quite stingy with more substantial compliments. So I was shocked when he told me tonight that he thinks I’m a very talented writer! That totally made me smile and blush. He thinks my blog is good. Bonus.
So there you go, by virtue of my husband reading this blog, I feel that my marriage has become stronger and our connection has deepened. I feel that I made myself quite vulnerable by exposing all these thoughts and feelings, and Mr. MLACS could’ve been combative, but instead he has been gentle and kind and supportive. He has deepened my respect and my trust in him.
Today I spent the afternoon paying $1500 worth of our medical bills. Hated to part with the money, but it feels good to be checking these off the list and putting them behind us. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I just love my Mr. MLACS to pieces! As my Mom used to say about my Dad, Mr. MLACS is my “diamond in the rough“.